Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.
~Al Bernstein
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The Last Words Awards: The 20 Best Dying Words of Famous People
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to InnocentEnglish.com’s Last Words Awards, where we present awards for the Best Last Words of dying famous people. Unfortunately, none of our nominees were able to make it here tonight to receive their award in person, but rest assured they are here in spirit.
So, without further adieu, here are the winners of InnocentEnglish.com’s Last words of Dying People Awards, in 20 categories.Category 1: Most Fitting for the Person
Winner:
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.~ Oscar Wilde, writer, died: November 30, 1900
Also Nominated:
[blip] it . . . Don’t you dare ask God to help me.~ Joan Crawford. actress, died: May 10, 1977. To her housekeeper, who had begun to pray aloud.
I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct.~ Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, died: 1702
That was a great game of golf, fellers.~ Harry Lillis “Bing” Crosby, singer / actor, died: October 14, 1977
Category 2: Most Ironic
They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist. . . .~ General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, died: 1864. Killed in battle during US Civil War.
Also Nominated:
I am a Queen, but I have not the power to move my arms.~ Louise, Queen of Prussia, died: 1820
I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room – and God [blip] it – died in a hotel room.~ Eugene O’Neill, writer, died: November 27, 1953
I am still alive!~ Gaius Caligula, Roman Emperor, died:41 AD. Stabbed to death by his own guards – (as reported by Roman historian Tacitus)
Category 3: Most Touching
I love you Sarah. For all eternity, I love you.Spoken to his wife.
~ James K. Polk, US President, died: 1849
Also Nominated:
Come my little one, and give me your hand.Spoken to his daughter, Ottilie.
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, writer, died: March 22, 1832
Oh, do not cry – be good children and we will all meet in heaven.~ Andrew Jackson, US President, died: 1845
Category 4: Most Humorous:
Yes, it’s tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.When asked if he thought dying was tough.
~ Edmund Gwenn, actor, died: September 6, 1959
Cateogry 5: Most Inspiring
I forgive everybody. I pray that everybody may also forgive me, and my blood which is about to be shed will bring peace to Mexico. Long live Mexico! Long Live Independence!~ Maximilian, Emperor of Mexico, (Archduke Maximilian of Austria), died: June 11, 1867
Category 6: Worst Missed Opportunity:
Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.~ Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionist, died: 1923
Also Nominated:
Go on, get out – last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.To his housekeeper, who urged him to tell her his last words so she could write them down for posterity.
~ Karl Marx, revolutionary, died: 1883
I’m bored with it all.Before slipping into a coma. He died 9 days later.
~ Winston Churchill, statesman, died: January 24, 1965
Category 7: Most Banal
I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.~ Richard Feynman, physicist, died: 1988
Also Nominated:
It’s all been very interesting.~ Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, writer, died: 1762
Ah, that tastes nice. Thank you.~ Johannes Brahms, composer, died: April 3, 1897
How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?~ P. T. Barnum, entrepreneur, died: 1891
Category 8: Most Morbid
The earth is suffocating . . . Swear to make them cut me open, so that I won’t be buried alive.Dying of tuberculosis.
~ Frederic Chopin, composer, died: October 16, 1849
Category 9: Most Kingly
A King should die standing.~ Louis XVIII, King of France, died: 1824
Also Nominated:
Why do you weep. Did you think I was immortal?~ Louis XIV, King of France, died: 1715
Category 10: That sums it up award
God bless… God [blip].~ James Thurber, humorist, died: 1961
Category 11: Most Ready for Death
Now comes the mystery!~ Henry Ward Beecher, evangelist, died: March 8, 1887
Also Nominated:
Nothing, but death.When asked by her sister, Cassandra, if there was anything she wanted.
~ Jane Austen, writer, died: July 18, 1817
Adieu, mes amis. Je vais la gloire.(Farewell, my friends! I go to glory!)~ Isadora Duncan, dancer, died: 1927
I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark.~ Thomas Hobbes, writer, died: 1679
This is the last of earth! I am content.~ John Quincy Adams, US President, died: February 21, 1848
Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.~ Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, died: March 26, 1827
I am ready.~ Woodrow Wilson, US President, died: 1924
Category 12: Most Brave
I know you have come to kill me. Shoot coward, you are only going to kill a man.Facing his assassin, Mario Teran, a Bolivian soldier.
~ Ernesto “Che” Guevara, died: October 9, 1967
Also Nominated:
Let’s cool it brothers . . .Spoken to his assassins, 3 men who shot him 16 times.
~ Malcolm X, Black leader, died: 1966
I die hard but am not afraid to go.~ George Washington, US President, died: December 14, 1799
Category 13: Most Shakespearian
All is lost. Monks, monks, monks!~ Henry VIII, King of England, died: 1547
Also Nominated:
All my possessions for a moment of time.~ Elizabeth I, Queen of England, died: 1603
Category 14: Most arrogant
Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.~ John Barrymore, actor, died: May 29, 1942
Category 15: Saddest
I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.~ Leonardo da Vinci, artist, died: 1519
Category 16: Most intoxicated
I’ve had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that’s the record . . .~ Dylan Thomas, poet, died: 1953
Also Nominated::
I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, died: January 14, 1957
Category 17: Most melodramatic
Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good!~ Florenz Ziegfeld. Showman, died: July 22, 1932
Category 18: Most ominous
KHAQQ calling Itasca. We must be on you, but cannot see you. Gas is running low.Last radio communiqué before her disappearance.
~ Amelia Earhart, died: 1937
Category 19: Most apropos
Too late for fruit, too soon for flowers.~ Walter De La Mare, writer, died: 1956
Category 20: Most Patriotic: (Tie)
Is it the Fourth?~ Thomas Jefferson, US President, died: July 4, 1826
Thomas Jefferson–still survives…~ John Adams, US President, died: July 4, 1826. Some hours after Jefferson had died, relieved in the belief that he was still alive.
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Good morning everyboomie.
I'm very happy to be alive this morning. There was absolutely no one around last night to record my last words.
I guess whenever I die it had best be during the daylight hours, probably at work.
When they ask what my last words were, they'll probably say,
"Hey watch this". Either that or
"OH SHOOT!". 
Well that was a short day off yesterday & filled with way too many chores.
I did get a lot done, but this place was a lot dirtier than I wanted to believe.
I think anyone coming into my humble home would be able to deduce that I'm a bachelor in about 5 minutes...........or less.
Ever see that movie
Joe's Apartment?
Have a happy day everyone, and welcome to the weekend!
joe
acebook
witter
. See you on the flip side.
I may not get to hold him but just seeing him smile when he sees me is enough!