"You become what you believe."
Opra Winfrey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A waiter goes to a corner table where three old ladies were having their dinner and asks, "Is ANYTHING okay?"
~~~~~~~~~~
An optometrist was giving training to his new employee, explaining to her how to charge different customers.
At the time you are fitting the glasses, if the customer asks you how much they cost, tell him
- "$100".
If his eyes don't quiver tell him
- "For the frames. The lenses will be $25"
If his eyes still don't quiver, just add
- "Each"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pete, a statistics student, while driving his car, had a habit of accelerating hard before arriving at any traffic intersection, zoom past it, then slow down again once he had passed it.
One day, he gave a lift to an acquaintance, who was panic-stricken by Pete's manner of driving, and asked him what made him hurry over the intersections.
Pete replied, "If you look at it statistically, you are far more prone to have an accident at an intersection, so I ensure that I spend the least time there."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A geography teacher entered the class and the children greeted in chorus: “Good morning, sir.”
The Teacher greeted them back saying, “Good morning, students. Now where were we yesterday?”
A back-bencher promptly answered, “Right here in this classroom, sir.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On entering a lab, if you see an experiment, how will you determine which class it pertains to?
The answer is simple:
If it is green and wiggles, it has to be Biology.
If it stinks, it has to be Chemistry.
If it doesn't work, then you know it's Physics.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.
The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."
The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."
The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with both of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and get some work done."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In about 50 years, Robots will be doing most of the work which human do not like to do; especially illegal robots from Mexico.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do air traffic controllers and pilots have in common?
If a pilot does a goof-up, the pilot dies.
If Air Traffic Control does a goof-up, the pilot dies.
New Federal Aviation Administration motto:
'We're not happy till you're not happy.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An income tax officer entered Andrew's office one morning and asked for his account books. Andrew was hesitant and upset as he was not sure of his accounts. The Income tax officer, an old hand at this game, guessed what was going on in Andrew’s mind and tried to sooth him: “Mr. Andrew, you are living in a great democratic country and doing good business without any trouble. In return, your country expects you to pay your taxes with a smile, is it too much?”
Andrew (relieved): “With a smile? Thank god for small mercies, I thought it will have to be cash.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An economist had finished his day at work and was leaving for home, when he noticed a small boy call out to him from the footpath where he was sitting with a dog. The boy said, "Sir, would you like to buy a dog."
The economist was surprised by the approach, but asked nevertheless, "How much are you selling the dog for?"
The boy replied "Twenty thousand dollars."
"Twenty thousand dollars for this dog!" the economist exclaimed. "Does he know any special tricks to make him worth so much money?"
The boy replied, "Sir, this dog never made a dime in his life. If you take into consideration the expenses on his food, I think you will lose money on him every year."
The economist did not want to let go the opportunity to lecture the boy about the principles of economics and explained to him the fact that a commodity needed to yield more returns than it consumed to equal a purchase price. He finished by saying that the five dollars could be the maximum sum that should be expected for the dog, that too from somebody who just wanted a companion. Feeling satisfied with the knowledge that he had imparted to the young boy, the economist went away.
A few days later, the economist again noticed the small boy was again sitting on the footpath but this time there was no dog in sight. He asked the boy, "Did you get the five dollars for your dog?"
The boy said, "No, I got twenty thousand dollars for him."
The business man was stunned. "How on earth did you get twenty thousand dollars for that dog?" he asked.
"It was a piece of cake," replied the boy. "I traded him for two ten thousand dollar cats."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why is Facebook so successful?
A. The secret of it's success - it works on the theory that people find other people's lives more interesting than their own.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you know Psychology is actually Biology.
Do you know Biology is actually Chemistry.
Do you know Chemistry is actually Physics.
Do you know Physics is actually Math.
If you understand it and able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Mathematics.
If you understand it, but unable to prove it, then publish in a periodical/magazine of Physics.
If you cannot understand it, but are able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Economics.
If you can neither understand it nor are able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Psychology.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I hope you're all ready for a super Tuesday.
Rain or shine, hot or cold, Tuesdays are always easy to get through. They are the calm that follows Manic Mondays, and a stepping stone to Hump Day and the rest of the week.
They're also trash day here in Calera.
I missed trash day last week.
That means that this week I have two bags of trash in my trash can that will hold 6 or 8.
I also had a bunch of weeds, and wire, and old boards to fill it with after my day off in the yard.
It is a change though, when I'm now paying to have my trash picked up, instead of just throwing it in a barrel and burning it.
The fire department threatened to have me locked up until I'm old and gray if I burned my trash here again, and since a day in jail is not covered in my benefits package at Lowe's I've decided to heed their warning.
Now I'm feeling a comatose state coming on. I'd better get ready for beady.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
our yard is soooo muddy wet sloppy I can't get my scooter across it~
Karen 
I've had enough of Winter let Spring arrive early 
Coffee in the corner with Birthday cake for Nan!!Happy Birthday Nan!Wishing you all a great day 
Haroula enjoy your "name day" with your family and friends!
Sue wish our snow would stop too! Venus hope it's a slow woosh for you today!
Sue thanks for the coffee. We have almost 4 feet of snow on our deck now and more is coming on Thursday!
Have fun not burning in your yard 
Guess Karma really does work. And there is an ADT security service van out front of his house for hours now.
