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Hump Day #1001966
02/10/15 07:53 PM
02/10/15 07:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. It is delay, not defeat. “It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end street”. ~ Denis Waitley
~~~~~~~~~~~

Tip to recognize where a driver comes from

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Has to be from Chicago.

2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Has to be from New York.

3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Has to be from New Jersey.

4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Has to be from Boston.

5. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Has to be from Los Angeles.

6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Has to be from Ohio, but driving in California.

7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Has to be from Italy.

8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Has to be from Seattle.

9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Has to be from Texas.

10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: Has to be from West Virginia.

11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Has to be from Florida.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of biologists are traveling in a truck to conduct some research in a hilly region, when the driver loses control of the vehicle. The truck overturns and runs down the hills, crashing at the bottom & killing all the biologists.

All of them arrive in Heaven. They are all asked a question, "If you are in your casket and you could hear your friends and family mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy who is a good botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the best botanists of all time, and left an eternal contribution to the world of botany."

The second guy who is an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations."

The third guy, who is a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teacher: “Jasper, what is this thing they call Twitter?”

Jasper: “What do you think it is, Mam?”

Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”

Jasper: “I don’t think I know either, Mam!”
~~~~~~~~~

Peter had planned on watching the football game with his friend Harry.

Peter arrived late and the game had already started. Harry asked him, "What kept you?"

Peter replied, "I could not make up my mind between going to church and going to the football game. So I tossed a coin."

"So what took you so long?" asked Harry.

Peter answered,"I had to toss it 40 times."
~~~~~~~~~~~

The teacher was discussing natural history with her class of eight-year old kids.

She began by saying, "Do you know Worker ants can carry food particles that are five times their own weight. What is to be learnt from this?"

A kid raised his hand and replied: "They don't have a union."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill: What is a crate of ducks known as?

Jill : It would be a box of quackers!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam : You know what, it's really easy to get a divorce in the Middle East. A man is just required to say "I divorce you" to his wife 3 times and it's done!

Jack : It's even easier in the US. All a man has to say is "Yeah, that dress makes your butt look fat" once.
~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a bank robbery and the Chief of Police ordered the sergeant to cover all exit points so that none of the robbers could get away.

When the Sergent reported to the Chief that all the robbers had escaped, the Chief went mad with anger & shouted, "Didn't I tell you to cover all the exit points??"

"I did," defended the sergeant, "but they managed to escape through the entrance."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Smartness is like your knickers. It is important to have it, but not essential to show it off!
~~~~~~~~~~~

Are things that do not concern an elephant irrelephant?
~~~~~~~~~~~

Bob and Robbie were riding their snow bikes across the lake. All of a sudden Bob broke through the ice and sank with his bike.

Robbie went to the edge of the ice hole and saw Bob desperately pulling the starting rope.

Robbie shouted: “Hey Bob, open the choke and then pull.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The shy, young man is thinking about asking his girl to marry him, but he doesn't know how to say it, so he asks his father, "Dad, what did you say to mum so she married you?"

"I only said 'OH NO!!!' and then we got married the next day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rob and Bill both went to work for a lumber mill. They both worked on the band saw. One day while working and talking to Bill, Rob bent too close to saw and the blade sliced one of his ears off. Bill immediately picked up the sliced ear with intention of being helpful to Rob.

He said: “Rob, don’t panic. See I have your ear here. It may be possible for the doctor to sew it back.”

Rob: “No man, that can't be my ear. My ear had a pencil behind it.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Hop on down to the hump day diner, and we'll all have a happy hump day. penguin


Hmmm, that sounds like a line in a song to me.


Speaking of songs, I've been listening to the 60s on 6 all afternoon, and watching some Beatles vids on Youtube. Wow! Great memories. woot


Baby wasn't too sure there wasn't something wrong with me though when I was singing and spastically dancing around.


Pepper just sang along.


I had a very productive day. When I was taking my shower, I thought of a new invention to keep seniors from falling in the shower. yes


I call it the Slip Not. You attach it to the ceiling over your shower, and when you get in the shower, you put it on your neck, and if you lose your footing, you will not fall and break a hip. thumbsup


Ok I was expecting a bigger laugh there.


Let me draw you a picture (mentally).


They say what goes around, comes around. In Western days they called it a slip knot or.........hangman's noose.


So the little old man gets in the shower and puts his Slip Not around his neck, and when he slips he just hangs there......limp.


Ok now imagine a commercial advertising it on Saturday Night Live. wink



Yeah, illustrations help a lot.


or knot


Have a happy day everyone.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1001974
02/10/15 08:56 PM
02/10/15 08:56 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Wednesday everyone. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1001980
02/10/15 10:17 PM
02/10/15 10:17 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
rotfl oh , joe - love that shower safety invention rotfl

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1001981
02/10/15 10:19 PM
02/10/15 10:19 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a fantastic Wednesday Joe, Space Quest, niteowl and all who come in after me. wave

It's Tuesday night for me, and I'm off to sleep for another early work day in the morning.

Hope everyone has a great day. winter

Last edited by venus; 02/10/15 10:19 PM.

Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1001995
02/11/15 03:57 AM
02/11/15 03:57 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning everyone. wave
Joe thanks for the link,it explain everything.
Here is more important than birthday. yes
We had a great time but imagine what cleaning is coming.
Have all a happy day.


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002006
02/11/15 06:14 AM
02/11/15 06:14 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, niteowl, venus, Haroula and All on the way to Joe's Diner. Coffee is ready. Wishing you all a bright and sunny day! catrub


Gerry
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002020
02/11/15 08:02 AM
02/11/15 08:02 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers happydance12

Joe, may be less of a mishap to fall and break a hip. lol

Space, habve a great day.

Haroula, enjoy the clean-up.

nightow, good morning.

Venus, happy workday!

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, good day when you come in.

A trip to BJ's this morning. Wishing everyone a nice day!


Gail
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002027
02/11/15 08:44 AM
02/11/15 08:44 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Waffles in the NC. L4L, starting Friday it's going to be cold for 5 days in a row. That's very unusual for here, lows in the 30's. winter I know to a lot of you that's warm, but to us that's cold. penguin


Connie
Re: Hump Day [Re: connie] #1002051
02/11/15 10:54 AM
02/11/15 10:54 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002056
02/11/15 11:07 AM
02/11/15 11:07 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
I think I'm getting old. I meant to post here last night. lol

We are going back into a deep freeze. I'd love to see some ice melt so the dogs and I can go out.

Have a happy day everyone! I'll be back.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002067
02/11/15 12:29 PM
02/11/15 12:29 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe rotfl Love the invention idea! Too funny! Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

niteowl good to see you. Hope all is well there. Bet you are glad you moved and aren't dealing with all that snow this year. lol Have a lovely day!

venus may work be fun and you have a lovely day!

Haroula hope the clean-up goes quickly! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Gail be careful driving but have fun shopping. Have a lovely day!

Connie sorry the cold weather is headed that direction! Stay warm. thanks for the goodies and have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

Ana we got about five inches of snow yesterday! happydance The first snow all winter so far with any amount to it. Hope the ice goes away soon for you so you and the dogs may get out for your walks! Have a lovely day!

wave
NAn

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002086
02/11/15 02:10 PM
02/11/15 02:10 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Yard kid called: He's going to be here 10:30, well maybe 11:00, ummm about that time, maybe. You get the idea. I'll see him when I see him. Badly need my lawn and back lot mowed. It's calf high in grass, pretty weeds and lovely flowering stuff I have no idea what it is but it's nice. Needs to be cut so I can actually walk around the yard without putting on 'waders'.

Bought a few more of the 'old' computer games yesterday and today again after I actually dragged out ALL my games and took inventory. Realized I was missing more of the 'donated' ones and never had one I thought I had. Hummmm. Talk about senior moments! think


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002091
02/11/15 02:28 PM
02/11/15 02:28 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yeah Sorta I've got some oldies/goodies like the myst series, oh gosh how I played those games and god of war -old kratos, devil may cry games etc and a game by that guy in Australia, I've forgotten the name. But mostly the Oblivion game
and Snoopy vs the ed Baron. It's a toss up between those 2.

Today will attempt to descale and clean the coffee maker. they don't give out instruction manuals anymore so I must find them on the web. No biggee. I've everything lined up now just Do It Right. Must have coffee.

The sunshine is burning a hold in back of my neck -it's hot goodygoody After winter it's so good -just getting my vitamin D. Doors and windows are opened for kits and house is flooded with O2.

Happy Wednesday all


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002102
02/11/15 04:14 PM
02/11/15 04:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Seagy had a routine check up this morning. She didn't eat her breakfast this morning, but has been happy to eat treats, even at the vets, so he thinks she is fine. No sign of lymph system trouble so we are doing the happydance Keoki man has a bacterial infection in one ear, so we are treating. He is not thrilled.

Changed my clothes and geared up the rest of the dogs as soon as I got back and we all hit the park. We had a very gentle walk in the sun. Then home for lunch and now, finally, time to sit for a little bit wave

Connie, that is why I for sure wanted to get out today as we are on the way down the temperature scale starting tomorrow.

Gail, glad you are getting out, Enjoy!

Nan, what kind of cake? I just printed out a recipe for chocolate cupcakes with ganache that look yummy. Think I'll make them for valentine's day.

Back later wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1002111
02/11/15 04:36 PM
02/11/15 04:36 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1002120
02/11/15 05:44 PM
02/11/15 05:44 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Afternoon Boomers~

its partly sunny today 50's least its not raining woot
I ordered some Creamcicle sugar-free chews and they came today and they are really good!! yay dance

Got my new book today called Motive by Jonathan Kellerman
its real good so far, I love his writing~


Have a nice day wave Joe, Ana, Gail,Nan, Gerry, Connie, Darlene, Haroula, manxman, Sorta, Space, Venus, Darlene, L4L, Yankee, flowers

Joe I could have used your invention getting out of the tub last night~ lol and I loved the state drivers! Seattle is perfect! lol


Karen puppy

Last edited by Drmojo; 02/11/15 05:51 PM.

"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002139
02/11/15 07:42 PM
02/11/15 07:42 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good evening boomers. Hope everyone is having a wonderful Wednesday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002157
02/11/15 09:53 PM
02/11/15 09:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Tired today. Off to bath and bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002161
02/11/15 10:26 PM
02/11/15 10:26 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002169
02/11/15 11:32 PM
02/11/15 11:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. I'm checking in to say good night.This ole body is tired. Sleep well. See you all in the morning as I don't have to show up for work until 5:00 tomorrow. Stay safe everyone.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1002180
02/12/15 01:07 AM
02/12/15 01:07 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
L4l she made an angel food cake and put strawberries and whip cream on it. Yummmmy!

Night everybody, sleep well and pleasant dreams!

sleep
Nan

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