MARGARET THATCHER
Quote: "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”
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Top 10 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
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In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Hell:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.
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Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom?
A: One nurtures its children, the other sends them out to play on a frozen lake.
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Three pregnant women were knitting sweaters for their soon-to-arrive babies, and chatting.
The first one said to the others, "I'm taking folic acid, so my baby will be healthy and have a robust immune system."
The second said, "Oh, I'm taking lots of calcium so my baby will be strong and grow tall."
The third said, "I'm taking Thalidomide."
The others reacted, of course, with horror. "Thalidomide! Why would you take that?"
"Because I don't know how to knit sleeves."
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How many cops does it take to change light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Only one, but he has to see an officer do it first.
Three, one to do it, one to direct traffic and one to say "Show's over, nothing left to see here, folks, move along."
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In London there's a new service that delivers the morning-after pill to your home by bicycle messenger. And to make sure you don't regret your decision, the pills will be delivered by a kid who is an obnoxious jerk.
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A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.
"In a closet," he replied. "I wanted to know what life really is."
"And have you found an answer?"
"Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge."
"That's all well and good," replied the colleague, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"
"Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge."
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Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves.
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves.. by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied , "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this stuff but me!"
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Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.
The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.
A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."
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A Swede man goes to a lumber yard to buy some lumber eight feet in length.
The salesman of the yard asked the Swede: “How long do you want them?”
The Swede: “For quite a long time. They are going in the house I am building.”
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"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked.
"Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."
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Good morning everyboomie.
Thump thump thumping good Thursday to you all.
I, of course, am on my way to bed, so I can get up early enough to wake up the roosters before I leave for work.
I have an idea for a new daytime soap opera. It's called 'The Old and the Breathless". OY!
When a job starts to wear you down and it feels more like work than it is fun, it's time to get out.
Yet.....5 years 11 months later I'm still plugging away.
There is plenty of job security there anyway, because every time you get things situated, and organized, they want it relocated, and reorganized.
It reminds me very much of a Beatles song.
HELP!!! I need somebody
HELP!!! Not just anybody
HELP!!! You know I need someone
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Joe! I hope that someone makes your day feel more like fun than work! 
Enjoy your day All and stay warm! 
May it stop soon. Have a lovely day!
