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Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning #1002722
02/15/15 07:53 PM
02/15/15 07:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
AMELIA EARHART
Quote: "The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there are two".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Soviet journalist walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."

"There is no such doctor" she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"

"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says.

"But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor."

No help. He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."

They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: "Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one, why would you want to see him?"

"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying:
"Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"

The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"
~~~~~~~~~~

Two employees for the gas company were at a house call. The younger man said to the older one, "Geez, you're old!"

"Yeah, that may be so, but I can still outrun you," replied the older employee.

"How about a foot race to see if you're right," said the younger employee.

With that they start running at full speed around that block. The older man kept up with the younger man around the first corner, the second corner, the third corner. As they come up on the last corner, the younger man sees an elderly woman running as fast as her legs could carry her. Puzzled by this, they both stop ask her why she was running behind them. The old woman caught her breath and said, "Well, you were at my home checking my gas meter, and when I saw you running away, I figured I'd better run too!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple was having marital difficulties and consulted a marriage counselor. After meeting with them, the counselor told them that their problems could all be traced to a lack of communication. "You two need to talk," he said. "So, I recommend that you go to a jazz club. Just wait until it's time for the bass player to solo. Then you'll be talking just like everyone else."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My colleague Mary went to the doctor complaining of severe pain in the stomach.

The doctor told her it was 'just wind'.

"Just wind?" reacted Mary, "It was just wind that blew down the Tay Bridge!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.

A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."

The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town.

"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'."

"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."

"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."

A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"

"1215," answers the guide.

The man looks at his watch and says, "RATS! Missed it by a half hour!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do, and they are nothing like the penalty for murder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: "What do you use to feed your pigs?"

"Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?"

"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes."
Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered: "Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?"

"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat."
And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gooood morning EVERYBOOMIE! welcome


It is a dark, cloudy, and cold morning here, and so fitting for a Monday morning when my mood is dark, cloudy, and cold. snicker


I would much rather have this though, believe me, than a sunny hot 90 plus degrees, that will be here soon enough.


Still......cold, dark, rainy days are so nice to stay in and lay on the couch, and watch movies. yes


That's it, I'm calling in sick.


"Hello Boss? I'm at death's door, and my doctor is trying to pull me through."


"If you don't hear from me tomorrow, check the funeral home."


I tell you I don't get no respect. Instead of a nursing home, my kids admitted me to a funeral home. dance BODDA BOOM!


Have a happy day everyone. I have to get up at 3:30am



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 02/15/15 08:21 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002727
02/15/15 09:15 PM
02/15/15 09:15 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I wish you a stress free day!

Have a happy day everyone! I saw 50 Shades of Grey yesterday. I thought it was a perfect adaptation of the first book.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1002731
02/15/15 09:34 PM
02/15/15 09:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Monday Joe, Ana and all my fellow Boomers. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002737
02/15/15 10:27 PM
02/15/15 10:27 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Monday Joe, Ana, Space Quest and all who come in after me. wave

It's Sunday night for me, and tomorrow it's back to work whooshing again. It should be interesting driving to work in the snow tomorrow. crazy

Hope everyone has a great day. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: venus] #1002741
02/15/15 10:51 PM
02/15/15 10:51 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Space,Venus wave We have Snow,Snow and more Snow and no where to put it eekAnother storm on the way Tuesday! frown Coffee is on I'll keep it hot for those of us who need it! winter


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002755
02/16/15 03:54 AM
02/16/15 03:54 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Coffee please,Sue kissy
No sleep for me and son last night.
Just came back from the pediatrician,
he has ear infection again,the other ear... cry
Have all a happy day. smile wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002760
02/16/15 06:30 AM
02/16/15 06:30 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. B-r-r-r-r. It's below zero out there. I wanna go back to bed. Drinking hot tea to warm my bones. Have a safe and warm day everyone.

Midgie hearts shiver winter


Just do it.
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002761
02/16/15 07:29 AM
02/16/15 07:29 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, venus, Sue, Haroula and Midgie. Joe keep smiling! Ana did you see it with your sisters? Enjoy your day SpaceQ. Venus don't woosh to fast with all that snow! Sue thanks for the coffee. We are in the same "snow boat"! winter We are getting more tomorrow too. Haroula hope your son feels better. Sending healing prayers. Midgie we have wind chill warnings till 10AM. Bitter Cold!! shiver shiver Wishing everyone a warm day! wave


Gerry
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002766
02/16/15 08:12 AM
02/16/15 08:12 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, Waffles, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. winter


Connie
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002769
02/16/15 08:35 AM
02/16/15 08:35 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers winter

Joe, Mood here is sun, snow bound and moody. Hope your day will be more cheerful.

Ana, enjoy your day!


Space, good morning.

Venus, drive safely.

Midge, I have to go out this morning also.

Sue, I'm in desperate need of coffee. Thanks!

Haroula, hope your son's ear feels better soon.

Gerry, have a great day. Stay warm.

Connie, enjoy your weather.

It's below zero here and more snow on the way for tomorrow. shiver Nina has a Vet appointment this morning. Wished I didn't have to go out. insane


Gail
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: GBC] #1002796
02/16/15 10:56 AM
02/16/15 10:56 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Monday!!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

The weather has been crazy throughout the country! Blizzards on the east coast and temps in the high 80's here on the west coast. For all in the snow storms, please stay safe! hearts

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002806
02/16/15 12:18 PM
02/16/15 12:18 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Warm and wonderful here. Sorry guys. I'm sending warm thoughts to all of you who are freezing cold.

CSI San Diego???? Did anyone see last night's CSI and the 'maybe' hints of a NEW CSI show featuring my little town? Ohhhhh. How great would that be? I could run into them filming all over around here. I loved the comment about everything being too expensive here. Yup. I agree with that one. Way too high taxes, house prices, everything, BUT then you have to pay to live in paradise. I remember renting a small house out in Brawley, CA when I was teaching. A little desert town of 11,000 and it was 95 bucks a month, water and trash included. Then I moved back to my home town here and the rent for the same type place was 300 a month! Big difference. Still, love it here anyway. Hope we see a CSI spin-off.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002807
02/16/15 12:22 PM
02/16/15 12:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Good morning everybody!! May you all have a lovely day!

Haroula prayers for your son that he feels better soonest! HUGS!

Be safe all of you in all that snow. We are two feet below the normal here for snowfall, I see it has taken a vacation out east. lol Seriously though do be safe and keep warm!!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002829
02/16/15 02:31 PM
02/16/15 02:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Weather slipped north of us, but it is icky and grey. Supposedly we get a 30 degree temp drop later today.

I got up this morning, made it as far as the kitchen and decided "Nope." Went back to bed. Drank three really leisurely cups of coffee while cuddling with Seagy. The boys made me "feel better soon" paintings. Finally got up again and spent some time cleaning the kitchen. Son is really good at loading and unloading the dishwasher, and hubby will as well, but they tend to ignore those things that need to be hand washed, as well as the stove top, counter tops, etc. So finished that up this morning.

Not sure how long "up" will last today. We shall see.

Haroula, I hope your son feels better soon. Ear infections are the pits. Can you give him some elderberry syrup to help bolster his immune system?

I saw a hilarious "weatherman" on the net talking about all the snow you poor guys are getting. Not family friendly, but probably a good approximation of how a lot of you guys are feeling.

Back later wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: looney4labs] #1002841
02/16/15 04:08 PM
02/16/15 04:08 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner

Have a nice Monday Boomers wave

stay warm & well



Karen cat


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: Drmojo] #1002847
02/16/15 04:42 PM
02/16/15 04:42 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Snow and cold here. winter

Be careful out there Boomers.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002850
02/16/15 05:01 PM
02/16/15 05:01 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Ba ba ba b- bad weather -gotta turn on water tonight -coooooldI'm doing nothing today

Karen -great opossum news and what a relief.

Made hamburg rolls today and they are good ones -allright!!!! And L4L thanks for giving me the idea. There are some Boca vegan hamburg patties languishing in the freezer just waiting for some proper rolls. Store bought rolls are all air and really these aren't.

I'm doing nada today


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002871
02/16/15 10:05 PM
02/16/15 10:05 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday Mourning Moaping & Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1002877
02/16/15 11:15 PM
02/16/15 11:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good night everyone. Looking forward to yet another 6 inches of snow tomorrow. Oh joy. See you in the am.

Midgie hearts winter winter winter shiver happydance12


Just do it.
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