ALICE WALKER
Quote: "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Admin Head of a large organization called for the new employee to see him in his office.
Once the new employee was seated, the Admin Head asked, "What's your name?"
The new employee replied, "Jonathan."
The Admin Head snapped, "Listen, I have no idea what kind of a place you worked at before, but out here, I call everyone here by their surnames. If I start calling people by their first names, they would start taking things lightly. So, its Smith, Williams, Brown - that's it. Now that I have made myself clear, tell me your last name."
The new employee said, "My last name is Honey."
The Admin Head said, "Okay Jonathan, I will arrange for an orientation and then...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mona was discussing her solo trip to Maldives. He told her friend Jasmine that she had a good time. She went on to describe how awesome the beaches of Maldives were.
Mona had a twinkle in her eye when she declared she had some good and some bad experiences.
Jasmine could not wait to hear it, so she urged Mona to tell her quickly what the experiences were.
Mona said, "Well..the good news is....I shared the room with two amazingly handsome men!"
Jasmine exclaimed, "Really? What could possibly the bad news?"
Mona replied, "They were dating each other."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Gerald was happy for his granddaughter Betty who was getting married. During the ceremony, he slipped a 1000 dollars into her hands and said she could use it when she felt cranky and wanted to splurge. Betty kissed her grandpa and slid the money in her right glove.
Owing to family tradition, Betty and her groom Peter spent their first night in the family mansion. Late in the night, Betty's grandma saw her sneaking out of her bedroom and heading towards another room. She called out to Betty amnd asked, "Where are you going this late?"
Betty replied, "Oh, I left my gloves in another room and I must have them now."
"God help girls of today", Grandma said, "Young woman, you go back to your room right now and grasp that thing with your bare hands same way I did your grandpa's."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dustin had taken leave from his services in the army to get married. No sooner was the wedding over, Dustin got a call from the army directing him to to resume his duties with immediate effect. He was informed that he was stationed in Vietnam.for 2 years.
After he reached Vietnam, he really started to miss his wife. He sent a mail to her. It read, "Sweetheart, it seems like I am going to be here for a long time. I miss you terribly. You know the local girls here are quite attractive and its so hard to fight the temptation. I guess I will have to take up some hobby to keep my mind from wandering."
Lisa, his bride wrote back to him, "Sweetheart, I have couriered a parcel to you. It will solve your problem."
When Dustin received the parcel, he found a flute inside with a note 'You should learn to play this.'
Finally, the two years came to an end, and Dustin got to go back home. He rushed to his wife, and picking her up in his arms, said, "Oh God! How much I missed you. I want you so much...let's go to bed."
"Wait a minute", said Lisa, "Let's hear you play the flute first."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Jones was lying on his deathbed. His family was there next to him - his wife Paula and his three sons. While two of his sons, Patrick and Pedro were handsome and well-built, the third son, Jeremy, was extremely ugly.
Peter says to his wife in a weak voice, "Paula dear, there is something that I always wanted to ask you. I can't go in peace unless I know. Is Jeremy really my son? Please tell me the truth. I will forgive you if you tell me the truth."
Paula strokes his hair gently and answers, "Yes, Jeremy is your son. I swear by God that you are his father. I would not lie to a dying man."
Peter, satisfied, by the answer, dies in peace.
Paula mutters, "What a relief he didn't ask about Patrick and Pedro."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Desmond, Gary and Michael - all gentlemen of age 80 plus are enjoying each others company in a park in Washington DC.
Desmond brings up the subject of life at their age, and says, "It's a wretched life. I am at an age where I can afford exotic food. You all know what a foodie I am. But the doctor will allow me only boiled vegetables."
Gary has his own tale of woes. He says, "I sure agree with Desmond. When I come to a point in my life where I can afford the best wines, what do I have? A bad liver. It sucks."
Michael joins the cribbing club and says, "I know the feeling folks. Last night, I woke up the missus at 3 am and asked if she would like to do it. She yelled at me asking me if I was in my senses cos we had just finished doing it for the 2nd time last night."
There was a pause, and then Desmond asked, "So, what is the problem?"
Michael replied, "Can't you see guys? I am losing my memory!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Janco, a tourist from China visited Cherrapunji in India. Janco was unaware of the fact that Cherrapunji is one of the wettest places on earth. It was raining the day Janco arrived. It rained the next day and the day after that. She was there for almost a week and there was not a day without rain.
Sipping a cup of hot tea at a local joint, she saw a kid and asked him, "Hello, does it ever stop raining in this town?"
The little fellow replied, "How would I know? I am only 5."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Freddie and Mary were married for many years but all they did was fight. They would not agree on anything and would quarrel day in and day out. In fact, the neighbours had all become tired of this constant bickering and fighting. One thing they often heard during these arguments was the man's hiss-like warning saying, "When I am dead, I am going to dig up and walk out of my grave to give you nightmares all your life."
The neighbours thought Freddie practiced voodoo. There were strange happenings in the small town like strays getting hurt, and they thought Freddie was responsible.
One night, Freddie suddenly died under mysterious circumstances. After the funeral, Mary headed for the local pub and had the time of her life.
She partied every night and would come home very late.
Some of her neighbours asked her, "Aren't you tensed about what Freddie used to repeatedly tell you. With all the voodoo practice he indulged in, and his threat that he would dig up and walk out of his grave to stalk you, aren't you scared?"
Mary replied, "Let him dig all he wants. I buried the him upside down."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gerald and Tony were the village fools who were made fun of all the time.
They were riding together on their bicycles, when Gerald stopped abruptly, got off his bicycle and began to let air out of the tyres.
Tony said to him, "What the hell are you doing?"
Gerald replied, "I wanted my seat to be low as I have to stretch too much while pedaling."
Tony could not stand such display of stupidity. He got off his bicycle, loosened his seat and turned it in the opposite direction.
Now, it was Gerald who was surprised. He asked, "And what are you doing?"
Tony replied, "Listen buddy, if you will continue doing such idiotic things, I am going back home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a seminar on the existence of the supernatural and people who had encountered it.
The speaker, Dr. Reiss, posed a question before the audience, "Has anyone here seen a spirit?"
Almost everyone raised their hands. Dr. Reiss then asked, "Has anyone had a conversation with a spirit?"
A number of people raised their hands. Dr. Reiss asked next, "Has anyone here touched a spirit?"
A few people raised their hands. Dr. Reiss then asked, "Has anyone made love to a spirit?"
An old man at the back raised his hand. Dr. Reiss tried to figure out who had said that, and repeated his question, "Do you mean you really made love with a spirit?"
The old fellow replied, "Oh, Guess I didn't hear you right the first time. I thought you said 'egret.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two pirates, Rex Hawkbill and Don Blythe, both of them ship-wrecked from their respective vessels, met in the sea. Each was hanging on to his raft.
Rex Hawkbill called out to Don, "Ahoy! Did your ship sink?"
Don Blyth replied, "Yes, 6 months back."
Rex Hawkbill said. "Really? And you have been floatin' all this time?"
Don Blyth replied, "Aye, what about it?"
Rex Hawkbill asked, "How did you bear it for all this time?"
Don Blyth said, "I have been askin' myself the same thing. It was actually boring, weekends in particular."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tata group of companies decided to invite bids for their new Power generation plant. They called for bidders, and three companies decided to bid.
At the meeting, the Project Head of the Tata group asked the first bidder to quote his price.
The CEO of the first company who had done his MBA from Symbiosis said, "5 million. 3 mil for material and 2 mil for labour."
The Project Head then asked the CEO of the second company to present his bid.
The CEO of the second company who had done his MBA from NMIMS said, "10 million. 4 mil for material, 3 mil for labour, and another 3 for variable expenses."
The Project Head then asked the CEO of the third company to present his bid.
The CEO of the third company who was a product of IIM said, "15 million."
The project Head yelled, "15 million!!! What is the breakdown of costs?"
The CEO of the third company replied, "5 million for you. 5 for me. And 5 mil to get the fellow from Symbiosis to do the project."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tata group of companies decided to invite bids for their new Power generation plant. They called for bidders, and three companies decided to bid.
At the meeting, the Project Head of the Tata group asked the first bidder to quote his price.
The CEO of the first company who had done his MBA from Symbiosis said, "5 million. 3 mil for material and 2 mil for labour."
The Project Head then asked the CEO of the second company to present his bid.
The CEO of the second company who had done his MBA from NMIMS said, "10 million. 4 mil for material, 3 mil for labour, and another 3 for variable expenses."
The Project Head then asked the CEO of the third company to present his bid.
The CEO of the third company who was a product of IIM said, "15 million."
The project Head yelled, "15 million!!! What is the breakdown of costs?"
The CEO of the third company replied, "5 million for you. 5 for me. And 5 mil to get the fellow from Symbiosis to do the project."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the Sunflower Clinic called Daniel on him home number, they got the following message on his answering machine.
"Hey, this is Daniel and I am having a great day in the outdoors. The positive thought for the day is LOVE EVERYONE! Leave your name & number and you will hear from me." "Beep".
The caller from the Sunflower left a message, "This is a call from the Sunflower clinic. Talking of POSITIVE, your VD test is back. Stop LOVING EVERYONE."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Rip Van Hoodwink here.
I got up just long enough to get this thing posted for you, and then go back to bed.
I am toooo tired, and I work at 5:00am.
It is freezing rain here tonight, so I dread heading out at 4:45.
I might ought to give myself extra time to get there.
I may get up at midnight and leave at 1:00.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
So I'm off to get as much sleep as I can. 
Just staying out of trouble at the moment.
I'm headed for my pillow. See you tomorrow. I hope you all stay safe and warm. It'll be too cold for me in the morning. Night all.