WINSTON CHURCHILL
Quote: "Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
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Nick, who was unwell for the entire week, called the doctor to visit him at his home.
The doctor arrived and examined Nick. When the doctor was writing his diagnosis & prescription on his notepad, Nick asked him, "Flu?"
The doctor replied, "No, I drove my car."
Yuk Yuk
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When Tracy went to see the doctor, she had no idea that she would be in for a big surprise. Dr. Jenkins was out, so a junior doctor examined her. Five minutes into the examination hall, and the junior doctor declared that Tracy was pregnant.
She was so shocked, she ran out of the examination hall.
Just then Dr. Jenkins entered the clinic, and saw Tracy in a hysterical condition.
When Tracy told him what happened, he asked her to sit down and relax.
Dr. Jenkins then marched to the examination room and asked the junior doctor, "Are you out of your mind? Don't you know Tracy is 61 years old, she has two grown-up children and several grand-children.Why did you tell her she's pregnant?"
The junior doctor, who was scribbling something on a notepad, continued to write and answered, "She doesn't have hiccups anymore, does she?"
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Dr. Robbins, the dentist made a strange request to his patient, Jack. He said, "Jack, please scream at the top of your lungs!"
Jack, surprised by the request, said, "But why Dr. Robbins? There's hardly any pain this time."
Dr. Robbins pleaded, "Please! You must understand. The waiting room is full of people. I have promised my wife that I will take her out for the new James Bond movie. Can't miss it or she will be very upset!"
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A pompous and self-righteous bachelor called Albert Jackson who was a regular irritant to his family and friends, went to see a doctor. He said to Dr. Wells, "Hey doc, I am feeling miserable. I want you to examine me and give me your diagnosis."
Dr. Wells cleared his throat and asked, "I will ask some quick questions. Are you hooked on to alcohol?"
Albert replied, "No. Never. Not even in my dreams."
Dr. Wells asked, "Do you smoke?"
Albert replied, "No. I understand the perils of smoking. Never even touched a cigarette."
Dr. Wells asked, "How is your sex life? Do you indulge too much?"
Albert replied, "It's a complete no-no. It is a sin. I completely refrain."
Dr. Wells stared at Albert for a long time, then said, "Do you get headaches?"
Albert replied quickly, "Yes, yes, there is always pain in my head."
Dr. Wells sighed and said, "I know your problem. Your halo is gripping your head too tight."
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Dan was unemployed, so he would run errands and look after the house while his wife, Donna worked.
One way, Dan was doing all sorts of repairs in the bathroom, when he decided to paint the toilet seat. Donna came home early that day and wanted to use the washroom.Dan did not remember to warn her about the paint. The moment she sat on the seat, is was pasted to her behind. Try as she may, she could not get it off. Dan tried too but to no avail. Finally, they had no choice but to take her to a doctor.
She draped herself in a large coat to hide the seat. At the doctor's clinic, Dan lifted the coat to show the doctor what had happened and said, "I bet you have never seen something like this before."
"I have" replied the doctor, "but never in a frame."
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Bubba calls Dr. Sobers in the middle of the night and says, "Dr. Sobers, the missus is experiencing severe pain in the stomach. Think it's her appendix."
Doctor Sobers, obviously upset for being disturbed at 1 am, growls, "What the hell are you talking? I removed your wife's appendix just a year back! Get off the phone
and let me sleep!"
After about 10 minutes, Bubba calls again and says, "Dr Sobers, I am mighty sure it's her appendix."
Dr. Sobers yells, "Good lord, have I not told you already I removed her appendix. Do you know of anyone having a second appendix?"
Bubba replies, "No. I have not. But I can bet you know of someone having a second wife!!"
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Dr. Jones had served many years as an Obstetrician/gynecologist, but he felt he had reached a saturation point. His mind was no longer in his job. He wanted to do something else for the rest of his life. Dr. Jones had a fascination for mechanical things and remembered he enjoyed automotive training in school and, therefore decided to go in for a career change and to become an auto mechanic. He enrolled at an automotive school.
He completed the course and was required to appear for the final exams. The physical exam consisted of taking a car engine apart and then putting it back together. Dr. Jones completed his project and was amazed to receive a grade of 125%. Dr. Jones asked the examiner how could he score a 125%.
"Well," answered the examiner, "I granted you 50% for taking the engine apart, 50% for putting it back together and another 25% for doing everything through the muffler"!
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Dr. Jones enters the student classroom and starts shouting, "Tetanus! Insulin! Booster!"
One student asked another, "What the hell do you think he is doing?"
The other student replied, "Calling the shots."
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A man was suffering from insomnia and went to see a doctor. After a thorough checkup, the doctor declared, “The only remedy for this suffering is not to take tension with you when you go to bed.”
Patient replies, “That’s exactly what I have been telling my wife. But she refuses to sleep in the guest room.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
How is everyone, and are you as ready as I am for the weekend??
Of course the weekend for me means working Saturday AND Sunday AND Monday AND Tuesday, but hey I'm off Friday.
It's supposed to snow Friday.
All you guys have to do though is get up and over the hump, and you can see all the way to the weekend, and slide down the pike in a short short to get there.
Don't get any friction burns sliding down the pike though.
The next two days I close at work.
I can sleep late this morning. {{{
YES!!}}}
If Pepper lets me.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Hurrrummph! If this is 'Hump Day' where is the Camel emoticon???????
