MICHAEL DELL
Quote: “You don’t need to be a genius or a visionary, or even a college graduate for that matter, to be successful. You just need framework and a dream.”
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In a courtroom, a defendant was asked to stand in the dock. As soon as he took his position, he said directly to the judge, "I don't recognize this court!"
"And why is that?" asked the Judge.
The defendant replied, "Well, you seem to have redecorated since my last visit."
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Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course... Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q.. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Safeway store. The husband picks up a box of beer and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them!' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the cart.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does a crate of beer, and it's half the price.'
He didn't have time to duck.
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Good morning everyboomie.
How are you this morning?
Let's see now, what comes after yesterday?
Oh yes, welcome to today everyone!
You know how you can never find the end on a rainbow?
Well...You can never pinpoint the exact moment when today becomes tomorrow.
It's ALWAYS today don't-cha know?
That's exactly why when I promise something, I promise it for tomorrow.
In all actuality, yesterday and tomorrow do not exist at all, except in theory or concept.
Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it.
It's good stuff.
I
do know when today became tonight.
A very long time ago.
Have a happy day y'all.
joe
acebook
witter
to daughter-in-law!! Thanks for the goodies and have a lovely day!
~ Karen
