Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister,
and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Irishman is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He immediately dials 999.
Irishman: ''It's me wife! I've accidentally shot her, I've killed her!''
Operator: ''Please calm down Sir. Can you first make sure she is actually dead!''
*click* .. *BANG*
Irishman: ''Okay, I've done that. What next?''
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TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!(This should keep you chuckling for awhile)
A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas ) began construction on an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business.
In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc.
About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground!
Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".
The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church... "Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means."
Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.
He then opened the hearing by saying:
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DID YOU KNOW?
>
>
>
> If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth.
(Not me. I'm right handed, and I chew my food on the left side of my mouth.) >
> If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth.
>
> To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers.
>
> Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'.
>
> Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!
>
> People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport .
(Hmmm I wonder why that is.)>
> Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.
>
> Astronauts can't belch - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.
(Well that's no fun.)>
> Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash.
>
> The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them off!
>
> Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds.
>
> The night of January 20 is "Saint Agnes's Eve", which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband.
>
> Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros .
>
> It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
>
> Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years .
>
> Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end .
>
> If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
>
> Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco-related diseases.
>
> Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.
>
> Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
>
> The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
>
> Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent
>
> Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450 F.
>
> The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
>
> Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.
>
> The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.
>
> Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.
>
> The University of Alaska spans four time zones.
>
> The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
>
> In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.
>
> Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.
>
> Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
>
> A comet's tail always points away from the sun.
>
> The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.
>
> Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.
>
> The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armour raised their visors to reveal their identity.
>
> If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
>
> When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.
>
> In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.
>
> Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.
>
> Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.
>
> The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.
>
> The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.
>
> Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.
>
> Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy.
>
> Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.
>
> Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.
>
> For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off.
>
> The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.
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Good morning everyboomie.
I have to be at work at 6am, so I've gotta get to a prone position asap.
Welcome to the weekend everyone.
Have a happy day.
joe
acebook
witter
Which is fine, as I'll be working over 40 hours next week, so I appreciate the down time beforehand. 
Have a lovely day!
