I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
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When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh...the Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."
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GUIDE TO STAYING STRESSEDAre you worried now about how to stay stressed? You'll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:
NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.
EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT. Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn't likely to.
GAIN WEIGHT. Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.
TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS. The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.
AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES. Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. Be a man! That goes for women too.
GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.
PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM. Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!
MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO. Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!
BECOME A WORKAHOLIC. Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS. Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
PROCRASTINATE. Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.
WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL. Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.
THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.
WOW! Has someone been following me around taking notes? 
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SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING TOO OLD FOR TRICK OR TREATING10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
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Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?"
"Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?"
"There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards."
"Oh, that's because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave."
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A lawyer was trying to console a weeping widow. Her husband had passed away without a will.
"Did the deceased have any last words?" asked the lawyer.
"You mean right before he died?" sobbed the window.
"Yes," replied the lawyer, "they might be helpful if it's not too painful for you to recall."
"Well," she began, "he said 'Don't try to scare me. You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with that gun.'"
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A guy goes to the doctor with a mysterious pain and tells the doctor, "Doc, Doc, my [blip] has been burning lately."
And the doctor says reassuringly, "Don't worry son, that just means someone is talking about it."
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Did you hear about the doctor who had his licence taken away because he was having affairs with his patients?
Yes, it's a shame because he was one of the top veterinarians in the country.
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A woman goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you're got a hold of my privates."
The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we?"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Today I start my long weekend.
Otherwise know as the last three days of my vacation.
It's been very relaxing so far.
Yesterday was NOT the rain day I expected, and while it was not sunny, it was nice.
I took Baby to the creek again. I didn't find any arrowheads, but I found a very large piece of flint that may have been a blade/scraper. Not really sure.
100% chance of rain today, means no creek visit. Baby will be disappointed.
I'll have to distract her with some carpet Olympics.
Ok, I'm off to take the red-eye to Slumberland.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Wonder if they got into something? Lil Soot is always in something, but Seagy not so much. 
honey. I don't see them near enough. Off tonight. Lovin it.