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Sip & Surf Sunday #1007536
03/22/15 12:52 AM
03/22/15 12:52 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise.
~Tommy Bolt
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being Politically Correct With Men

He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a CRAPPY DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.

He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.

He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.

He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.

He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.

He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being Politically Correct With Women


She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.

She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bra Shopping

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"

What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"<

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store.

On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob."

He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.

As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A Man's World


How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford
a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door
and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food
that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I think this day started 48 hours ago, and even though it's Saturday night and I'm off Sunday, I'm am blitzed. tired


I need to go to bed and dream about sleeping. sleep


OVERSLEEPING sleep


Have a happy Sunday everyone. urock



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007544
03/22/15 03:35 AM
03/22/15 03:35 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have all a relaxing Sunday. smile happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007547
03/22/15 05:21 AM
03/22/15 05:21 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Haroula and everyone. Coffee is ready. Wishing everyone a happy day! spring


Gerry
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007553
03/22/15 06:09 AM
03/22/15 06:09 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and a BJ's trip today. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Sunday. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes and Toast in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007557
03/22/15 07:46 AM
03/22/15 07:46 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning everyone. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007563
03/22/15 09:23 AM
03/22/15 09:23 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope you had a great dream about sleeping, Joe. grin Hope you get some well deserved rest after your busy week.

Have a relaxing Sunday, too, Haroula.

Have a happy day also, Gerry.

Enjoy your Sunday, Connie.

Good morning to you, Space Quest.

I'm off again today. thumbsup My schedule for next week just arrived. Not as many hours this time, though at least they're decent, and at least they're all in my local store. No driving to far off places. happydance Also, I'll be back to going in at 6 am instead of 5 am, which means a little more sleep in the mornings.

As for today, I'm gaming and singing. thumbsup

Have a great Sunday, everyone. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007576
03/22/15 11:24 AM
03/22/15 11:24 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe enjoy your day off! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

venus glad you can work close to home this week. Happy singing and gaming. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: auntiegram] #1007588
03/22/15 12:35 PM
03/22/15 12:35 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope you got a great night's sleep! Happy Sip & Surf Sunday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Church this morning, then an easy peasy Sunday!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007593
03/22/15 01:09 PM
03/22/15 01:09 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
My jura coffee maker is broken -NNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!! It's the little buttons you tap to dictate the kind of coffee I want at that particular moment. It's nerves are frazzled...and so are mine. Hope I can find Mr Coffee. Poor dear, languishing in the upper back cupboard and lonely. i hope he works and he's not resentful. Whatever. Jura will be sent off to Switzerland (I guess) to be repaired and return just like new.

I got up at 10 this AM because not much sleep last night because there's a black and white tom cat and a good looking one -somebody's feeding him- who reports in most nights and meeeoows and ShemerBaby picks a fight which produces noise galoor. Shemer always looses although he likes a good fight even though he's neutered -but maybe not too bright- and then I grouching-ly get up and chase off Mr. Tom. And then Shemer jumps on the bed and puffs up and looks so proud -my defender and protector. Well, I couldn't get back to sleep. But being able to sleep in so late gives one a feeling of power so today I shall be over-confident and do well in my gaming. So there.

Posie and I had a late breakfast -soft boiled eggs and bread- so said it was good.

Warmer today, yippee


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007607
03/22/15 02:40 PM
03/22/15 02:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Been up for a long time, researching and playing mad scientist. It occured to me in the middle of the night that what I'm feeling now is exactly what I felt in first grade when I had the mumps! Supposedly you can't get the mumps twice, but I do remember only having swollen glands on one side back then. I'm too old for a kid's disease.

Also whipped up smoothies for everyone and made some chicken soup for me.

Boys will be here in a bit. Son has to head off to work so Soot will take point. Otherwise, they'd just have to go to their room and play while I slept.

APC is doing an Elvis Gospel special. So cool. Loved his voice. Hated the way his life ended up. I bet it would have been quite different if his mother had lived.

Hubby and I did a little catching up on "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D" last night, but still have lots of episodes to go.

Joe, did you get to sleep in?

Haroula, hope the day is quiet and peaceful.

Connie, happy shoppity shopping!

Space wave

Venus, glad your hours are at your close store this week.

Nan, what's up for you today?

Darlene, happy skooshing!

Oh no, Yankee, sorry. Hope Mr. Coffee is forgiving, and Mr. Tom finds someplace else to hang out.

Gail, my heart breaks for you!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: looney4labs] #1007611
03/22/15 03:15 PM
03/22/15 03:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everyone. wave

I did sleep in L4L until sometime after 8:00. I had my room nice and dark to trick my mind into believing it's still night time. More importantly though, it tricks Pepper into believing it's still night time. thumbsup

It has turned into a sunny gorgeous day here, and I've been to Walmart already to stock up on essentials. I was out of just about everything I need to live. shocked

Now Baby is patiently waiting for me to come out and take her for a walk, so I'm going to do that, and then come back and chill for the rest of the day.

I work at 5:00 in the morning. tired

I hope everyone enjoys the day. StPats


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 03/22/15 03:17 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007619
03/22/15 04:29 PM
03/22/15 04:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! I had quite the girls night out last night and I am paying for it today.

It's a full corner day, deadline is tonight so I need to stay locked to my chair. laugh

Have a great day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007628
03/22/15 05:33 PM
03/22/15 05:33 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
I spent my day cutting tall weeds out of my asphalt driveway. They grow in cracks at certain times of the year. Usually I have my yard kid weed wack them, but I can't afford him right now. So I spent about 2 hours, bending over, cutting each one out of the crack with pruning clippers. I'm in PAIN. More than usual that is. But the driveway looks so much better. Still have some really high stuff at the edges but that has to be weed whacked and I can't manage it. Maybe my tenant/friend will do it for a home cooked meal. He hates 'outdoor' stuff, but maybe some spaghetti will convince him.

Penelope is late today but she stuffed herself on grapes yesterday so it's no wonder.

Outdoorsie, Orange kitty, the road warrior, came over after breakfast, meowed a lot (unusual. He wants petting! He's only been pettable since the big abscess episode, but today he really wanted more and more. He followed me all over the yard until I petted him properly. Then he stood at the back door meowing and scratching again. Hummmm. So I gave him a fresh can of food even though there was 1/2 a can still on the plate but that didn't inspire him. More petting. Finally I gave up and went inside, only to see him lick a few more times at the NEW stuff and then, he went over and finished off the OLD stuff. Duh! Dunno why I cater to him. He's got me wrapped around his little paw. Also got to check him for fleas (he was scratching) and found some so I treated him with drops and that will solve the problem. Good part about spending money to treat Ferals, is that wherever they wander, they are killing fleas there too. Nice bonus. Much lower flea sightings since I started that 2 years ago.

Trying to find money. If anyone sees any floating around or growing on trees, lemme know. I have to come up with more each month. Weird. Using less, buying less, but money just won't cover. I know all the 'rates' are up on everything. Darn darn. Going to try to sell my Mom's Hummel Figurine collection. Just have to find an antique dealer who will take them. I've got about 50-60 of them, maybe more, all beautiful shape, but since I was a kid, I was the one designated to DUST them all. Ugh. I never want to see them again.

Can't yard sell most of my 'antique' stuff around here. Nobody wants antiques in my area, but maybe I can find something to yard sell. Ick. Hate yard sales with all the nasty people, who haggle and grump and steal things. Not a good experience. Gave up on that about 8 years ago. Might summon up the energy again to get some extra cash. Wish me luck.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007640
03/22/15 09:24 PM
03/22/15 09:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. I worked until 8:00 tonight. Just relaxing now with a glass of white wine. Tomorrow I have to go to Sullivan Tire and get a tire replaced because I hit a nasty pot whole that caused a couple of bubbles in one of the tires. Not fun. I don't have to go to work until 4:30 tomorrow evening. I hope you all had a good day today.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007641
03/22/15 09:36 PM
03/22/15 09:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Sorta, you should Ebay them.

Midgie, hope the tire appointment is fast so you can enjoy your day before work


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1007647
03/22/15 10:01 PM
03/22/15 10:01 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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