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#1008615 - Today at 01:26 AM Tuesday Aftermonday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30330
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil–and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.
~Phil Pastoret
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, it's because he's really heavy"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed. The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution." The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it." The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are in a steel room with no windows, doors or openings. All you have is a matchbook...how do you get out?


Answer:

Strike One! Strike Two! Strike Three...Your Out!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was once a little boy who got very good grades, straight A's on every subject on every report card. His name was Billy. His father was very proud of him, and decided to give him one thing every year, whatever he wanted. The little boy, for one odd reason or another, chose a pink golf ball, each and every year. So finally, when the boy was sixteen, the dad got fed up with it and bought him a car. The son was fine with this, and took it on a joyride down to his favorite restaurant. He didn't want to drivethrough and he couldn't find a parking spot, but finally he found a spot on the other side of the street. He walked across happily, and halfway across, was hit by a truck. On his deathbed, the wounds were fatal, he was asked by his father: "What did you do with the pink golf balls?" The son replied: "Well I ---" With that he died. The moral is that you should look both ways before crossing the street.


DOH!! rolleyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time there was an old couple who lived way back in the Smokey Mountains. They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning." "But, madam!", replied the bellman. "Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager." "Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor. The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?" "He's under that overturned wagon!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I think I had something very witty and funny to tell you guys, but I can't remember what it was. blush


My total recall is not totally here tonight.. duh


I can't stay awake......not good. think


Nightie night everyone. wave


Have a happy day. yes



jioe


Edited by gymcandy1 (Today at 09:35 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#1008616 - Today at 01:33 AM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8598
Loc: Greece
Have a great day Joe and all who come in later. happydance wave
_________________________
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".


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#1008626 - Today at 06:15 AM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 18140
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and everyone. Coffee is ready and waiting. Wishing you all a great day! bunny chocobunny
_________________________
Gerry

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#1008636 - Today at 06:48 AM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8342
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Tuesday. New doctor is very nice, all went well. Danish, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. chocobunny
_________________________
Connie

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#1008637 - Today at 06:50 AM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 18140
Loc: Marlborough USA
Thanks Connie. Good to hear all went well with new doctor! bunny wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#1008642 - Today at 07:50 AM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 15136
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers: bunny

Joe, enjoy whatever the day brings today.

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, so glad you like your new Doctor.

My cousin is coming over this morning to help me with paperwork that is overwhelming me. So many changes to take care of. Wishing everyone a super, duper day! chocobunny
_________________________
Gail

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#1008661 - Today at 09:31 AM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11451
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Beautiful morning here. Temps going to 70 today. Ah, spring.

Got an eye doc appointment this afternoon. The rest of the day is free.

I can't believe today is the 31st of March.

Hope you had a good nights sleep Joe.

Hi Harcoula, have a great day.

Thanks for the coffee Gerry.

Can't make up my mind which I want for breakfast Connie. Eeny, meeny minny, mo.

Gail, glad you have help with the paperwork. Hope all goes well. Hugs.

Bets chocobunny
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#1008662 - Today at 09:58 AM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: flutist]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9598
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great Tuesday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#1008671 - Today at 10:59 AM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 66542
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and all!

Just got back from the surgeons office and the outlook is awesome! I'm a happy girl for a change, I am feeling much more optimistic! Still a long way to go but at least I learned I can go back to my races as long as I do proper training. yay happydance
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1008673 - Today at 11:22 AM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 43133
Loc: Alabama
Ana, that is awesome!

I'm having such a struggle today to stay awake. Not sick, just want to sleep. But that is a bad idea so will do my very best to stay awake.

Must feed dogs. Good thing Skywalker can tell time. puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1008683 - Today at 12:37 PM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13970
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe hope you caught up on your sleep. Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!Connie glad you like the new doc, always a plus!! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail HUGS and good luck with all the changes. Glad that you have some help! Have a lovely day!

Bets good luck with the eye appointment. Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

Ana that is great news!!!!!! Have a lovely day!

L4l hope you find the trick to staying awake. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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#1008693 - Today at 01:40 PM Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Online   content
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2305
Loc: Lexington, Texas
No Posey as yet today, I hope all is well. Hew strawberries (4) and dry F Feast cat food are waiting -we're over here, over here.

Nice day, birds chirping, trees all green, small breeze and neighbor's rooster crowing = joyful sounds/sights. No tomatos as yet, they are taking their time.

L4L your day today is/was my day yesterday. Exhaustion plus and how. But a 1 day thing -let's hope yours is too. I didn't even want to game. And speaking of games -that game I waited 2 months for, Bloodbourne, is supposed to be so difficult-difficult, I probably won't buy it. It's compared to the demon soul games and Demon Soul was elected to most difficult game of 2013 -I know, I tried playing it. And I gave it to my granddaughter, who loved it. she probably played it blindfolded. Oh well, Mordor is a fine game.

Happy Tuesday
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#1008708 - 12 minutes 34 seconds ago Re: Tuesday Aftermonday [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 10009
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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