A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.
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Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away:
"Hello! We're down here..."
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A young couple decided to wed.
As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive.
Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.
"Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."
His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"
"Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."
"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed."
Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.
"Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."
"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."
"No, you don't understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me."
Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth."
"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.
"Not a word," her mother affirmed.
"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.
The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well.
That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off.
Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"
"Oh, my," he replies, "you've swallowed my sock!"
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A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store.
On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob."
He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.
As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."
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A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve ropes here" so the rope leaves. Loops himself up, and rubs himself against a brick wall. He then walks back in the bar. The bartender says "I told you we don't serve ropes". The rope says "I'm not a rope", You're not? Nope he responds, "I'm a frayed knot" A mushroom walks in to a bar and waves down a waiter and says can I have a table. The waiter says I'm sorry we don't serve your kind here. The mushroom respond but I'm a fun gi
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So this little girl comes home right? And she goes to daddy and says "I'm never going to school again." So the dad replys "why??" She exclaims "because my teacher said 5+5=10, 6+4=10, 7+3=10 ,8+2=10, and that 9+1=10!" He again says "and your point is???" She screams "SO SHE NEEDS TO MAKE UP HER MIND!!!
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One day a man and a giraffe walk into a bar, the man stays all afternoon and gets terribly drunk. The giraffe has fallen a sleep on the floor. As the man starts to walk out, the bartender says "Hey man, you gonna leave that layin' there?". The man replies "That's not a lion! that's a giraffe!!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's midnight in the garden of good and ugly.
On the bright side, the sun comes up in about 7 hours.
When that happens I'm getting up.......................................and going down Texas way to one of them there modern shopping centers.
I may not get up if I don't get down, soon!
April 24th is my 10th or 11th anniversary of doing this thing, and it's been an experience, and a pleasure sharing my life with such nice people as you all are. I think it's time I move over though, and let someone else take over the diner duties. I think I've delivered everything that I have to share...........at least a couple of times over, so this'll be my last month.
I should have been born in April.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Joe! You got me with your April fool's! It's your Diner forever. Wishing everyone a careful April Fool's day! Coffee is ready! 
Good one, Joe! Have a great Hump Day Off!
Joe you got us!!! Hope the sky closes up soon so you can do the errands! Poor Baby! Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!
