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TGISaturday #1009140
04/03/15 09:29 PM
04/03/15 09:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.
~Jim Morrison
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. OR Walmart is always out of it. mad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Great Witticisms
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Born free... taxed to death.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.

There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I've ever made.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

If, a two letter word for futility

I don't care, I don't have to.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Horn broken, watch for finger.

All men are idiots ... I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

My kid had sex with your honor student.

Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later.

Give pizza chants.

Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.

This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.

How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks!

If something goes without saying, LET IT!

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

IRS We've got what it takes to take Good morning everyboomie. what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.

Life's a buffet... so eat me!

I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.


I wrote those all myself. Hope you like them. rolleyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I'm late. I'm late, for a very important appointment with my pillow.


I'm tired and I'm sick. yes


think


No wait. I'm sick and tired..........of work. smirk


Exhausted, and scheduled to be back at work at 6am. tired


Anyway, I hope you all have a very happy day and, welcome to the weekend. penguin



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009143
04/03/15 09:36 PM
04/03/15 09:36 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Saturday everyone. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009152
04/03/15 11:40 PM
04/03/15 11:40 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Happy Saturday Joe, SpaceQ and all!

I get to babysit James today. yay

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009169
04/04/15 02:39 AM
04/04/15 02:39 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have all a happy Saturday. bunny wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009183
04/04/15 05:17 AM
04/04/15 05:17 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
bunny Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, Haroula and everyone. Coffee is hot and ready. Wishing you all a great day! bunny


Gerry
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009200
04/04/15 07:52 AM
04/04/15 07:52 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope work flies by, Joe.

Have a great Saturday, too, Space Quest.

Have fun with James today, Ana. bunny

Happy Saturday, too, Haroula.

Hope you have a great day as well, Gerry.

Finally, I have a chance to post. grin For the past week or so, I haven't had time for my usual morning whooshes. Last Saturday, I finally had a chance to visit my mom. thumbsup This coming week looks to be another busy work week, so I'm going to get some good gaming and relaxing in while I can. lol

Hope everyone has a terrific Saturday. chocobunny


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009206
04/04/15 08:38 AM
04/04/15 08:38 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great TGISaturday. L4L, I'm just putting the baskets together. Time to start getting things ready for the family get together tomorrow. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon and Eggs with Toast in the NC. chocobunny easter


Connie
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009216
04/04/15 10:24 AM
04/04/15 10:24 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. yay BB pancakes! Yum. Connie you warm my heart. kissy Thank you.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009229
04/04/15 12:02 PM
04/04/15 12:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

Been up for a bit and now getting ready to get busy! Daughter's room is ready. Today is going to be vacuuming and taking a run at at the Dining Room. Must do some reorganizing in there. I keep my EO stuff in there. The eo's are not the problem as they fit tidily into the fridge, but the containers, carriers etc have multiplied mightily and are taking over. With daughter here, we will need that room, so have some work to do.


Connie, you made me hungry! Off to eat and then work!

wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009254
04/04/15 01:49 PM
04/04/15 01:49 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Space welcome to the weekend!! Have a lovely day!

Ana how fun to watch James. Have fun and a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

venus have a lovely day and Happy Gaming!!

Connie enjoy the family get-together! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Midge have a lovely day!

L4l good luck with the dinning room!! Have a lovely day!

Did anybody watch the eclipse this morning? Was early and short but fun!

wave
Nan

Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009257
04/04/15 01:56 PM
04/04/15 01:56 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
So tired! I was happily asleep last night when just before midnight, Blink, blink, blink in my window. I got up looked out and saw a police car blocking the side street. Then after stumbling out of bed, saw police cars blocking all the side streets and the main intersections. Not my street, traffic was moving, but just the 2 inbetween ones. Wow. Eventually, some guy walked to a car, pointed East and said something about him running, and a few minutes later, the police announced a suspect in custody and everyone left. NOW I wonder who and what the guy did in MY neighborhood AGAIN. Geez, it's like a war zone lately. Always something happening.

And a few hours before, a drunk drove up in front of my house, got out of his car and went to the back. I thought he was looking at something in the gutter and feared he's run over a cat or possum, BUT he was just upchucking in the gutter. Yukk! Sounds were really graphic. Then he got back into his car and drove off. Hope he made it safely home before hitting anyone.

Earlier in the evening, the happy couple in the Apartments (rooming house) 2 doors East, decided to get into it again. It's almost a daily thing now. She antagonizes him, he has a really bad temper and eventually he beats on her. Nothing 'serious' yet, but it's really annoying to have the police all over so many times, and then the 'happy couple' will be all nicey nice the next day walking up the street with their doggie, going to beg at the local store parking lots. Ugh! Why they stay together we can't figure out. I think they enjoy the confrontations and the police attention. Hope they move. They only moved in a few months back and it's been non-stop action. OH and it finally came out that the male, is the one who took an icepick to several tires of other residents, AND slashed the neighbor's brand new 100 foot hose in several pieces. What a jerk. No reason, just does stuff. We assume it's drug/drink that's helping this activity.

Off to feed a peacock. She's camping on my deck again.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009267
04/04/15 03:53 PM
04/04/15 03:53 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
' stuff around the houseWow, Sorta, our neighborhoods are 180's -nothing happens here. If there's a funny noise outside I run to the door an look around, like I would enjoy a happening. Just be careful. Princess Penelope news most welcome. It's great she still visits.

Posey and family are sleeping in my closet again. I bet she feels safe there instead of outdoors. That's OK she comes and goes when she pleases.

Finally there's a tiny scrawny baby tomato plant sprouted this morning. I'll sprinkle some organic garden-tone herb and vegetable food around it and pamperpamper.......... Just one but it's a start.

Well, gaming I guess unless I do some "why bother" stuff around the house.


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009272
04/04/15 06:08 PM
04/04/15 06:08 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Well, the 'why bother' stuff continues here. Dining room is as reclaimed as it can be until hubby and I go shopping and get a hutch for my mad scientist stuff.

Now I just have to cook the taco meat, hang out til the yogurt milk reaches the correct temp, and then I'll be heading for the shower. Good day.

Tomorrow...the den! wave

Edit...Dinner was yummy. Body is backtalking. Time to put my feet up.

Last edited by looney4labs; 04/04/15 09:02 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGISaturday [Re: looney4labs] #1009284
04/04/15 09:34 PM
04/04/15 09:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009294
04/04/15 10:24 PM
04/04/15 10:24 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams...


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGISaturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009295
04/04/15 10:27 PM
04/04/15 10:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Night everybody. Sweet dreams to you as well Ana. See you tomorrow.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
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