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Sip & Surf Sunday #1009296
04/04/15 10:46 PM
04/04/15 10:46 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like ‘What I’m Going to be If I Grow Up.’
~Lenny Bruce
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


MEDICAL BRIEFS

A guy goes to the doctor with a mysterious pain and tells the doctor, "Doc, Doc, my [blip] has been burning lately."
And the doctor says reassuringly, "Don't worry son, that just means someone is talking about it."

Did you hear about the doctor who had his licence taken away because he was having affairs with his patients?
Yes, it's a shame because he was one of the top veterinarians in the country.

A woman goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you're got a hold of my privates."
The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FUNNY CELEBRITY QUOTES

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading." Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid
problem?" Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods

"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment
turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." Rev. Jesse Jackson

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-[blip]." Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet" Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked." Jerry Seinfield

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a [blip], and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

POLICE QUOTES

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Just how big were those two beers?

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

38 KINDER, GENTLER WAYS TO SAY SOMEONE IS STUPID

A few clowns short of a circus
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
An experiment in artificial stupidity
A few beers short of a six-pack
Dumber than a box of hair
A few peas short of a casserole
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead
One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl
One taco short of a combo plate
A few feathers short of a whole duck
All foam, no beer
The cheese slid off the cracker
Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel
Has an IQ of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
As smart as bait
Chimney's clogged
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Her sewing machine's out of thread
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels
His belt doesn't go through all the loops
If he had another brain it would be lonely
Missing a few buttons on his remote control
No grain in the silo
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse
Receiver is off the hook
Several nuts short of a full pouch
Skylight leaks a little
Slinky's kinked
Surfing in Nebraska
Too much yardage between the goal posts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


IT'S FRIDAY!!! penguin


That's a good thing. thumbsup


Good Friday. think


I'm jumping for joy. chocobunny Me and chocobunny.


I'm craving eggs today. headscratch


I don't have any, so I guess I'll just have multi-colored popsickles instead. razz


I hope they don't melt when I boil them.


Have a Happy Easter everyone. easter



joe




There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009297
04/04/15 10:53 PM
04/04/15 10:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Sunday everyone. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009299
04/04/15 11:03 PM
04/04/15 11:03 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Happy Easter and Happy Sunday Joe, SpaceQ and all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009304
04/05/15 02:47 AM
04/05/15 02:47 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have a happy Easter everyone. easter
Ours,( Orthodox ) is next week. yes
Have a relaxing and nice Sunday. happydance bunny


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009311
04/05/15 06:05 AM
04/05/15 06:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
easter Happy Easter Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, Haroula and everyone! Coffee is ready! easter


Gerry
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009315
04/05/15 06:21 AM
04/05/15 06:21 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
easter everyone. To all here and all who follow may your Sunday be a Wonderful one. Danish, Bacon, Eggs, Hash Browns, Toast, and Lots of Chocolate chocobunny in the NC. bunny


Connie
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009317
04/05/15 06:36 AM
04/05/15 06:36 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Connie. I'm ready for the chocolate! Happy Easter! chocobunny


Gerry
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009333
04/05/15 10:22 AM
04/05/15 10:22 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning, and have a great day Joe, Space Quest, Ana, Haroula, Gerry, Connie and all who come in after me. bunny

I'm off and gaming today. grin

Hope those who celebrate have a easter. chocobunny To Haroula, have a easter next week. smile


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009340
04/05/15 10:44 AM
04/05/15 10:44 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
I am off on a trip for the day but want to wish everybody a safe and blessed Easter!!!!! hearts May you all have a wonderful lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009343
04/05/15 10:59 AM
04/05/15 10:59 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
easter To Everyone! bunny chocobunny easter


Gail
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: GBC] #1009348
04/05/15 11:28 AM
04/05/15 11:28 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Whatever your day holds, I hope it's a super duper Sip & Surf Sunday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

easter Happy Easter! bunny

Helped son and DIL move in to their lovely new home yesterday! Looking forward to making many happy memories there! hearts

Church this morning, then an easy peasy Easter Sunday! Lovely....

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009354
04/05/15 11:50 AM
04/05/15 11:50 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
A lovely day here. Got a surprise visit yesterday from my cousin, who lives back East and who I haven't seen since I was 6 years old. Ha. What a fun reunion. She's the second oldest child of my Dad's sister. I remember visiting their house, and they had 7 kids at the time. Eventually there were 9. Big family. Found out lots of stuff about things I never knew (not much communication)after my Dad moved our little family out to California and everyone else (his brother and sister and their big families) stayed on the East coast. We were considered the 'Black Sheep' for daring to leave the homestead.

So my cousin is probably going to move here to be closer to her daughter and is looking for homes in the area. I gave her hints on the good and bad areas weatherwise. She was amazed that our weather reports have FOUR zones. Coast, Inland, Mountains, Desert, while back 'home' they only have one. Very fun. I explained the differences that happen in 100 miles from coast to desert as to temp, rain, etc. She now understands the choices.

Going to be watching the 'empty house' all day. Who knows, maybe they will have an Easter egg hunt for all the squatters in the area? rotfl

OH and last night AGAIN, police all over, but this time it was the male half of the 'arguing' couple again. He was walking home from the store, police pulled up with spotlight, ordered him to STOP and he didn't. Wasn't being too smart and attempted to evade the officers even as they got out of the car and approached him. He tried to run into a yard opposite me, and kept asking, why? what did I do? why are you stopping me? I didn't do anything, leave me alone. They cuffed him and had him leaning on their car for ONE hour and 15 minutes. I think they did a 'counseling' session about how to treat women. The whole time, several people kept going across from the Apartments to the police car and talking to the officers. Was quite a show. Eventually, they just let him go home. Go figure. Not sure if that counseling will help, but hopefully he won't be beating on his girlfriend anytime soon. I'm hoping the Landlord over there (who is very very lax) will kick one of them out or both. Would be much calmer and they wouldn't be walking in front of my house shouting obscenities to each other with the appropriate hand gestures. Geez!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009360
04/05/15 12:02 PM
04/05/15 12:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I thought I posted but I guess not. easter bunny Everyone. I hope you're having a Blessed day.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009369
04/05/15 12:36 PM
04/05/15 12:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
chocobunny Happy Easter everyone
Wishing you a wonderful Sunday easter

wave


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009376
04/05/15 01:05 PM
04/05/15 01:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Happy Easter One and All easter

Been up for bit, working in the kitchen and dining room. All done in there.

Well, will be making a million deviled eggs later. The Per loves them and since I can't eat eggs, the only time I make them is Easter. He's been asking for them for awhile now so I'll be peeling, chopping, mashing, and filling in a few minutes!

Cleaning for the day is the utility room and the den. Hubby and I are pretty achy from yesterday, but the den won't be as much as the dining room was. Utility room is a pain cos it's covered by heavy mats which have to be picked up.

Looking forward to being done and sitting down and going AHHHHHHHHHH! bunny

Edit: boys just left. Did not get as much done in the den as I had planned, but think I'm done. Body is saying "Stop!" I had to take a break and head into the kitchen to make two batches of deviled eggs and then smoothie. wave

Last edited by looney4labs; 04/05/15 05:10 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: looney4labs] #1009422
04/05/15 08:27 PM
04/05/15 08:27 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. See you all tomorrow.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1009436
04/05/15 11:13 PM
04/05/15 11:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams all...


Don't feed the Trolls
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