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Merry Monday Morning #1009438
04/06/15 12:12 AM
04/06/15 12:12 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Okay, so God made man first, but doesn’t everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?
~Courtney Huston
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our

relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'" - Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Women's Study

There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.

85% of women think their a*s has grown too big since getting married..

10% of women think their as* is just as big as it was when they got married..

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ad seen in the New York Times...

FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition.

$1,000.00 or best offer.

No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Needs

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.

And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.'

The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "

The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.

" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.

Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't
pout when I yell at them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.

The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.

I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.

She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation.

"That's okay, honey," I said. "You still have me."

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Male Bashing

Q. What did God say after creating Adam
A. I must be able to do better than that.

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A. They won't stop to ask for directions.

Q. Why does a [blip] have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.

Q. How are men and parking spots alike?
A. Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
A. They are all married.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


chocobunny I'm hoppy to see you all this morning.


There goes Peter Pinky Cottontail hopping back down the bunny trail. bunny


Well, it rained here all day Easter. I doubt there were very many, any, egg hunts going on. smirk


We closed at 6:00, but it seems every time we close early, we end up working even later, as was the case last night. mad


It also seems that there are people out there that think the world exist only to serve their needs, and retail employees do not deserve to spend time enjoying a holiday, or holy day, with their families. blech


Today is supposed to be 80 degrees after the 50s yesterday. I'm hoping we have sunshine along with it, and maybe Baby and I can attempt turning up some new heads. woot


We head hunters must keep our skills honed. thumbsup


Have a happy day everyone.



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 04/06/15 12:14 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009443
04/06/15 01:36 AM
04/06/15 01:36 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe and all who follow later. wave
I hope you had a great time yesterday. happydance
Wishing you a happy Monday. bunny smile


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009463
04/06/15 05:57 AM
04/06/15 05:57 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Haroula and everyone. Coffee is ready. Wishing you all a stress free Monday! spring


Gerry
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009468
04/06/15 06:18 AM
04/06/15 06:18 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Monday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. chocobunny


Connie
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009469
04/06/15 06:19 AM
04/06/15 06:19 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Thanks Connie and have a great day! wave


Gerry
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009494
04/06/15 08:53 AM
04/06/15 08:53 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. I hope you all have a great Monday. I have to go to work for the 5 to 8 shift later. I can handle that.

Midgie hearts bunny chocobunny woot


Just do it.
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009496
04/06/15 09:00 AM
04/06/15 09:00 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers: catrub

Joe, we had snow flurries yesterday afternoon.

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, coffee is much needed this morning.

Connie, Danish too. Thanks!

Midgie, enjoy your work today.

Got a Doc appointment this afternoon. think it's going to be a gaming morning. Got lots of games to keep me busy. Keeps my brain active. chocobunny


Gail
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: GBC] #1009505
04/06/15 09:48 AM
04/06/15 09:48 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a Merry Monday Morning and happy head hunting!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009507
04/06/15 09:54 AM
04/06/15 09:54 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, Haroula, Gerry, Connie, Midgie, Gail and Darlene! And of course all to follow!

Finished work last night and have PT shortly. Housework to follow.

Have a great day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009522
04/06/15 12:13 PM
04/06/15 12:13 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe hope the sun is out and you and Baby have luck head hunting, Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the goodies and have a lovely day!

Midge have fun at work later and have a lovely day!

Gail we had snow in some areas around her yesterday and last night. Had a doc appointment earlier and saw lots of cars and trucks with snow on them. We did NOT have any here though. Good luck with your doc appointment and have a lovely day!

Darlene nice you helped son and dil to move. May work fly and all go smoothly. Have a lovely day!

Ana glad the project is finished! Good luck at PT and have a lovely day! Don't clean too much. lol

wave
Nan

Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009523
04/06/15 12:18 PM
04/06/15 12:18 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Today is The Day...daughter will be here at 10:15 Tonight! She is over the ocean at the moment according to live tracking. I have lots and lots planned to do to keep me busy so the day won't drag so much.

Joe, love the quote lol

Back later wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009526
04/06/15 12:43 PM
04/06/15 12:43 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Oh L4L how exciting for you -now simmer down, keep calm hahahahahahah. I'm sure the house looks fine and cooking will be superb -happy times. you will pick her up at the airport, right? Drive carefully.

Yesterday some of us had snow but I had to turn on the furnace as it was cold. The house was 65 and after a few hours I realized I was cold. I've never had to have heat on in April -it's a 1st. Even Posey and family curled up in my closet. But today is making up for it.

Just finished breakfast/lunch -scrambled eggs and coconut milk ovaltine -pretty good. Posey's eggs are waiting for her.


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009527
04/06/15 12:51 PM
04/06/15 12:51 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,680
kansas
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer
my10rugrats  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,680
kansas
hello everyone . after a month of no internet i am back up and running. now the internet withdrawls are no more.i can be happy once more

Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009530
04/06/15 01:34 PM
04/06/15 01:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Yep, Yankee, we will pick her up tonight. Soot will drive...no driving by braille tonight for me. Right now I'm printing our taxes so I can write the check sad and get it in the envelope so I don't get distracted and not realize what day it is. Also doing laundry and some bits and pieces of den cleaning. Then I'll go cook.

We had a cool off here too, but not that kind of cold.

My10, welcome back! I wondered where you'd gone wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009534
04/06/15 01:52 PM
04/06/15 01:52 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,680
kansas
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer
my10rugrats  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,680
kansas
thank you. i was one grumpy person for a month and made it hard to live with. now got to figure out a way to get our taxes done and get the money to buy the turbo tax again, we can't use the easy forms which is a tough one .

Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009535
04/06/15 02:04 PM
04/06/15 02:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
I feel your pain, My10. Hope you get it figured out quickly!

It's official, daughter is back in the USA (albeit in the air) lol


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: looney4labs] #1009548
04/06/15 04:06 PM
04/06/15 04:06 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009552
04/06/15 04:24 PM
04/06/15 04:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Afternoon, Space wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009558
04/06/15 06:02 PM
04/06/15 06:02 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Have fun with daughter L4L! Woohoo!

My10, glad you got your internet back!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009560
04/06/15 06:17 PM
04/06/15 06:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
She's on the ground in Texas! Counting counting! wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: looney4labs] #1009575
04/06/15 09:52 PM
04/06/15 09:52 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
See you all tomorrow. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Merry Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1] #1009580
04/06/15 11:21 PM
04/06/15 11:21 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams...


Don't feed the Trolls
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