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Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition #1010898
04/17/15 11:29 PM
04/17/15 11:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline OP
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline OP
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone."
Anthony Burgess

**********************************

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom- to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."

His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"

"Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet and I'm afraid that my fiancee will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed."

Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning, my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."

"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiancee will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed and head for the kitchen to make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth."

"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.

"Not a word," her mother affirmed.

"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later.

Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, my," he replies, "you've swallowed my sock!"

****************************

So, Johnny and his girl Sally are going to prom this Saturday. But, before they can go, Johnny needs to make sure they have a perfect night.

So, Friday comes, and Johnny goes out to get his tuxedo. When he gets to the tux rental store, there's this ridiculously long line. But he needs the tux, so Johnny waits. And he waits, and waits until finally, he has his tux.

Next, he needs a limo. So he goes to the limousine rental shop and finds that there's an even longer line there. But he needs the limo, so he waits. And he waits, and waits, and waits, until finally, he has the limo ordered.

Johnny realizes he needs some new kicks, so he stops by a shoe store to get himself some nice shoes. When he goes to pay, he sees the longest line yet. But he needs the shoes, so he waits. And he waits, and waits, and waits, and waits, and waits, until finally, he's got his new shoes.

Saturday, Johnny's ready to pick up his girl. He drives over to her house, picks her up, and they head to prom. At the dance, they're having a great time, dancing, playing at the casino, hanging out with friends. Soon, though, Sally gets thirsty, and asks Johnny for a drink. Being the good guy he is, Johnny obliges.

So Johnny walks over to the punch table, and what do you know... there's no punch line.


*****************

A married couple is traveling to visit family by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to get a room. They only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the ‘standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use.

"But we didn't use them" the husband said.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows" the husband said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have." the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay.

As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied. "But I didn't " exclaims the Manager. "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

********************************

Good Morning Diners! I'll be standing in as your host so Joe can get some much needed rest when he gets off at midnight.

I'm not nearly as witty or entertaining as Joe is, so I will just wish you all a fantastic Saturday!

Carry on....

JoeAna hearts






Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010905
04/18/15 02:38 AM
04/18/15 02:38 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning JoeAna and all who follow later. wave
Hot and sunny day here almost 26C. happydance
Have all a happy day. happydance smile spring


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010911
04/18/15 05:07 AM
04/18/15 05:07 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
spring chocobunny Good Morning Ana, Joe, Haroula and everyone. Thanks for opening the Diner Ana. Hope you sleep in

Joe. Haroula did you have a nice visit with you family? Coffee is ready. A Happy Saturday wished for All! chocobunny spring


Gerry
Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010914
04/18/15 07:19 AM
04/18/15 07:19 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Saturday. I will be picking up my new glasses later today. Danish, Waffles, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010916
04/18/15 07:50 AM
04/18/15 07:50 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers spring

Joe, enjoy your sleep-in.

Ana, thanks for opening and letting Joe rest.

Haroula, happy day!

Gerry, have a great day.

Connie, enjoy your new glasses.

Sun is shining bright. Looks to be a great day. Going to a International dinner buffet tonight. puppy


Gail
Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010921
04/18/15 08:49 AM
04/18/15 08:49 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks for filling in for Joe, Ana. Hope you have a terrific Saturday. wave

Enjoy your nice weather, Haroula. thumbsup

Happy Saturday to you as well, Gerry.

Hope you like your new glasses, Connie.

Have a great time at the International dinner buffet, Gail. thumbsup

Hope you get a good night's sleep, Joe.

It was a busy work week this week, and it's going to be an even busier one next week. crazy I'm very happy the weekend is here, so I'll actually have time to play the game I bought. happydance grin

Hope everyone has a fantastic Saturday. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010922
04/18/15 08:51 AM
04/18/15 08:51 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good morning boomers. "no punch line" rotfl
Hope everyone has a super Saturday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010924
04/18/15 09:15 AM
04/18/15 09:15 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Joe/Ana,

OK so who is taking credit for the no punch line joke? snicker


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1010926
04/18/15 09:38 AM
04/18/15 09:38 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

I am so tired this morning. tired

Thanks Ana!!! You're a Godsend. hearts

I think it was still between 1:30 and 2:00 before I got to bed. sleep

We had big thunderstorms last night starting at 10:00 or 11:00. By the time I got home Baby was doing flip flops all over the place. lab

Pepper and Sambo couldn't have cared less. lol

Tonight I work 1:00 to 10:00 before being off tomorrow. bravo

I can already tell if I don't mow the grass again tomorrow, I'm going to regret it by my next day off on Friday. rolleyes

Have a super day everyone.


joe


Oh yes. The jokes were all Ana's. thumbsup


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010936
04/18/15 10:30 AM
04/18/15 10:30 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline OP
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline OP
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning everyone! Glad you all found your way here. happydance

Shadow was sick yesterday so I didn't get more than 4 hours sleep worrying about him. Thankfully, he seems much better today. puppy

I'm hoping the winds will die down a bit and I will go for a bike ride. If Shadow doesn't get sick within the next few hours I'll take the boys to the river for a run and swim.

Be happy!

Ana


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010939
04/18/15 11:42 AM
04/18/15 11:42 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Ana thanks for covering for Joe so he could get some much needed sleep. Thanks for the chuckles. Hope Shadow is feeling better now and the winds calm down for a nice bike ride! Have a lovely day!

Haroula sounds like a nice day there, enjoy! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Oh Connie....new glasses, how nice! May they do the trick! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail sounds like a very interesting dinner tonight, enjoy!! Hope the weather is nice and you have a lovely day!

venus glad you are getting plenty of hours at work! Happy gaming today! Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Space welcome to the weekend and have a lovely day!

Joe hope you slept well. Sounds like you have to work on your day off. Hope the mowing goes quickly for you! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010961
04/18/15 05:15 PM
04/18/15 05:15 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
sleep wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Joe's Diner - Saturday Edition [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1010982
04/18/15 10:20 PM
04/18/15 10:20 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
On my way to find my pillow and I need to say good night to all. Ana you are an angel to fill in for Joe. Thanks kissy. I hope everyone had a great Saturday. See you tomorrow. Night all.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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