If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Dorothy Parker
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While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear."
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Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital waiting room. One leans over to the other and says, "What are you in here for?"
The other says, "Circumcision."
The first boy says "Oh, man! I had that done right after I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
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There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
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A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, "Now you have everything."
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A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.
He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.
The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.
Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."
The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
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A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.
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A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realises the germs in our drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"
"You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."
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A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."
The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
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Good morning everyboomie.
A new work week, woo hoo. My spirits are soaring.
My feet are just sore.
So, from late nights, to early mornings. it's a vicious cycle I simply can not win.
One keeps me from the thing I love the most, and the other takes me away from the thing I love the most.................my bed.
Just so I don't harbor any resentment at you guys for doing the same thing, I think I'm going to post this now, and go spend some quality time with it.
Have a happy day everyone.
GO BOOMERS!!
Rah Rah!
joe
acebook
witter
Off to sleep for my first long day of the week. 
How is Nina?? Have a lovely day and HUGS!
Sorta, sounds like you have lots of goodies. Hope you have an ultra-successful sale 
