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Sip & Surf Sunday #1010995
04/19/15 12:47 AM
04/19/15 12:47 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Charlotte Whitton
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.

What can I do for you?"

The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a contruction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his death.

He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said "Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been sentenced to hell."

The worker agreed - not like he could do anything else - and he was on his way.

When he arrived, the devil looked at him and said, "Ah! A new slave. We shall burn you and throw you in the fiery pits."

Then the worker replied, "That wall could use a bit of patching. I could fix it first and you could throw me in the pit afterward." So he fixed the wall.

Satan, intrigued, asked, "What else can you build?"

So the construction worker went about his job and made many improvements; in fact, by the time he was done, hell was a paradise. It had air conditioning, pools, balconies, you name it.

Within a few days, God phoned Satan and said, "I think there has been a mix-up. That worker was originally supposed to come to heaven."

Satan replied, "No way -- he's built all sorts of useful stuff for us. We're keeping him."

God then said, "Oh, yeah? Well, I'll see you in court. We're going to sue you for this man's soul and damages."

Satan just laughed: "And where are you going to find a lawyer?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

"Absolutely," the lawyer responded.

The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer.

The contents reads "Consultation: $25.00."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him.

He called for the three men he trusted most his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."

All three agreed to do this and were given the money.

At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.

While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin."

The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that."

The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


A nuther late night is winding down. A least I'm off tomorrow, but I still have to get my shower, and Pepper and Baby are getting impatient with me, after all I've done for them. rolleyes


Women. I cage them, and put them on leashes, and they still rule the house. taz


We had heavy rain and storms tonight for the second night, and it was hard driving home. eek


Heavy rainfall. woot


A good omen for head hunting trips to come. yay


That's if the old swamp doesn't get too hot and snake infected. shocked


Gotta get to bed now.


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011000
04/19/15 03:06 AM
04/19/15 03:06 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have all a relaxing Sunday. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: Haroula] #1011001
04/19/15 04:00 AM
04/19/15 04:00 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
`Hey ya Boomers~ wave


Hi ya Joe! what kind of snakes do you have??
eewwww I do not like snakes eek
Have a nice day Thanks for the openers~



Hi Haroula~ Have a nice day flowers


Brunie came home today happydance
it was a big Mastiff mix dog that chewed him up~
it took a big hole in his Trachea! the Vet cut him open from between his front legs to his neck! he has 4 draining tubes in his neck area~ poor guy~
he's doing a lot better today rah
its amazing how fast animals heal~ wish I healed
like them snicker

The furry fuzzy pet fund at my Vets office paid for over half my vet bill!! WOW!! they are truly AWESOME!! hearts



Have a nice day Boomers~Karen puppy

Last edited by Drmojo; 04/19/15 04:06 AM.

"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011002
04/19/15 04:42 AM
04/19/15 04:42 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
chocobunny Good Morning Joe, Haroula, Karen and everyone. Joe enjoy your day off. Haroula have a good one. Karen nice

Burnie is home! Coffee is ready. Happy Day wished for all! chocobunny


Gerry
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011008
04/19/15 06:45 AM
04/19/15 06:45 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Karen, I'm happy Brunie is home and doing well. puppy To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Breakfast out and a Sam's trip today. Danish, Bacon, Sausage, Ham, Eggs, Hash Browns, Toast, and BB Pancakes in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011009
04/19/15 07:00 AM
04/19/15 07:00 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning all. I'm off to work soon. Have a happy day everyone.smile

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011011
04/19/15 08:05 AM
04/19/15 08:05 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Sunday, Joe.

Have a relaxing Sunday, too, Haroula.

Glad to hear Brunie is feeling better, Karen! rah And good news about the help on your bill as well. thumbsup

Happy day to you, too, Gerry.

Thanks for the breakfast, Connie. smile

Hope work goes well, Midge.

I'm off again today. happydance Thorsgoats and I are going to watch the new episode of Orphan Black when he gets home from work. I pre-ordered the whole season from Amazon. thumbsup Then he has to go back to work, and I think I will work some more on my new game after that. smile

Hope everyone has a terrific Sunday. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011013
04/19/15 08:17 AM
04/19/15 08:17 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning Boomers. Bring on the cinnamon rolls. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011030
04/19/15 11:09 AM
04/19/15 11:09 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
So glad Brunie is home, and super glad you had help on the bills!

The gang is here so off to visit. Back later wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011031
04/19/15 11:26 AM
04/19/15 11:26 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Hooray for Brunie for surviving that nasty Mastiff's efforts to do him in! Hang in there Brunie the wonder dog.

Calm Sunday. Everyone around the neighborhood had parties last night. Guess they are all sleeping in. Wasn't anything noisy, just soft music from several sides and LOTS of cars all over the place. One had a Mariachi guy singing. He lives a block away. I see him all the time with his twin brother. They STILL dress alike. Fun.

Tenants have had company since Thursday. Not sure why. Nobody's birthday or anything, maybe wedding anniversary? Just a lot of visitors and the son from LA and his new wife and the 2 kids (maybe her's too) are still here. Water bill will be out of this world. I wish I could 'sub-meter' that one and charge for what they use. Lessee, 4 extra showers every night for 4 nights at 30 gallons a shower, plus the extra dish washing and clothes washing (they always do that) plus washing his truck at least every other day. Should all add up. Sigh. We have had endless talks about the 'visitors' but nothing seems to sink in. I just write it down, use it for a base when I calculate rent increases to recoup my losses.

Be sure to read the New and Improved Sorta's Neighborhood today. You won't be disappointed!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011032
04/19/15 11:27 AM
04/19/15 11:27 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! Sunny day that will turn to storms, so I'll be getting my bike ride and dog run in now.

Doc, I am so glad to hear Brunie is recuperating well. What a traumatic thing to happen to him. are the owners of the other dog paying his vet bills?

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011036
04/19/15 11:45 AM
04/19/15 11:45 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe it rained here all night and all day so far. Enjoy your day off. Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Karen that is awesome that the Vet was able to save Bruno and that he is doing better now and he be home! hearts What a nice fun to have and so glad it was there to help you out with the bill! HUGS!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie enjoy the breakfast out and have fun shopping! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Midge have fun at work! Have a lovely day!

venus enjoy watching the show and happy gaming. Have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

L4l happy visiting!! Have a lovely day!

Sorta just "do it". It would save you a headache in the long run! Have a lovely day!

Ana it has been raining all night. Poor Sassy was not a happy camper when we went out this morning. She hates the rain. lol Have a nice bike ride and wake with the dogs and may the rain hold off till you are finished!! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: auntiegram] #1011056
04/19/15 01:48 PM
04/19/15 01:48 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great Sip & Surf Sunday!

Karen, so happy that Brunie is home! woot

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

An easy peasy Sunday planned...

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1011069
04/19/15 03:53 PM
04/19/15 03:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer
luv2travel  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
Good Sunday Boomer Friends!

Karen, I'm glad Brunie is doing well, and hope he gets back to himself soon.

Lots of changes coming for me. My best friend and I moved in together a little over a year ago, and it just isn't working out. Neither one of us is willing or able to change at this point in our lives enough to get along. It has caused a lot of hard feelings and there's a fine line between love and hate. I am going to have to sell the house and find myself a cozy, small condo I can afford and hopefully put the money I'll get for the house away after buying my new place. Hope to do it swiftly.

I have a pinched nerve in my lower back and mild scoliosis that's causing me agony and it's gotten worse in the last 2 weeks. I went to a pain Dr. and had a steroid shot in the area of my spine where the pinched nerve is on Thurs. It has not made any difference in the pain yet. Dr. says one more shot in a month and then if no help will have to have surgery. It affects the nerve that goes down my left leg and hurts all the way down to my toes. That leg is very weak and I'm having to use a walker or fall down if I don't. It's so frustrating and the worst pain I've ever had.

I hope things change soon.

Andrea wave

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: luv2travel] #1011084
04/19/15 07:09 PM
04/19/15 07:09 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Afternoon Boomers~

It is amazing how fast dogs heal after a
trauma like that!
Brun is up walking around wagging his tail
probably cause of the pain pills snicker
and all his wounds are on his neck area~

Ana we have not got a hold of the neighbors yet,
we don't know them very well and we went to their house 2 times and left a note for them, have not heard anything from them sad my brother is going there again this evening~ Brun keeps digging at his neck wound/staples and drains! I don't know how to make him stop?? anybody got any ideas? They give you innertube things for around their necks now instead of the cone but he can't wear anything on his neck! puppy

Thank you Sorta! Brun truly is a wonder dog to be alive!! he's a scappy little bugger! puppy

Hi ya Nan! Bella hates the rain too! lol
you busy with the fish fries? I'm doing OK Hopefully I start dialysis May 1st?if all goes well~




Andrea~ I'm so sorry for your pain~ its awful to be in so much pain~ do pain pills help at all??
I Pray the next shot will work~ Hugs~Karen

Last edited by Drmojo; 04/19/15 07:17 PM.

"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011086
04/19/15 07:49 PM
04/19/15 07:49 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Oh Andrea! I can honestly say I feel your pain. This is what happened to me 4 years ago. Horrible, unbearable pain in my back, going into my hip, down my hamstring (constantly seizing) so it felt like a full-blown charlie horse 24/7. Happily, my steroid shots (4 of them over 2 years really helped. I'm one of the lucky few so they say but a lot of it I think is credit to the docs who did the 'shot' under a live X-ray thingie and managed to put the medicine directly into a nerve on 3 of 4 shots. Relief was not perfect but I am finally mobile if I don't over do it.

So sorry your shot didn't work the first time, but I'll be praying that the second one does it. I told my doc I refuse to end up with a walker or in a wheelchair and would do anything to keep on my feet. He looked at me strangely but I think he got the idea. I won't give up even if I'm in terrible pain.

Of course using a hoe to clear some weeds yesterday for 2 hours, did NOT help my back/leg problems. Now I'm numb on the front side and have a charlie horse on the back side. Darn. Sometimes I forget I'm not supposed to be doing things like that, but then if I don't, who will???? Gotta keep going.

Hoping for the best for you! Keep us updated, and remember, pain pills (used judiciously) actually work short term.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011088
04/19/15 07:58 PM
04/19/15 07:58 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
All I'll say is ......We bop along life real snootzee tootzee like and then suddenly everything explodes.............but all has calmed down now. Except for my coffee maker, which broke and I had to explore through dusty cupboards for good ol' Mr Coffee and I never was so happy to see a man befor as when I found him. And this is kinda funny. In school I took quant and qual analysis, differential and integral equasions, calculus 2 you get the swing but I don't know how to balance my checkbook to the bank. Last week I resolved to learn and I had all sorts of papers bank things etc spred on the kitchen table and left the kitchen to get my lucky pen and returned and ShemerBaby was sound asleep on all that nonsence -he was just waiting for me to leave. Oh well maybe Monday will be a lucky day.

Andrea -I wish you well as back pain is terrible and an operation is no fun to look forward to. Best wishes. Your plan to resolve living conditions sounds good. Best wishes on that too.

Last night Austin had a bad storm with hail quarter size but my family is fine and so is their cat -goodgoodgood


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011096
04/19/15 09:24 PM
04/19/15 09:24 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1011106
04/19/15 11:02 PM
04/19/15 11:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Off to bed. Sweet dreams all sleep

Andrea, I'm so sorry your life is so hard right now. Hugs!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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