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TGIF #1011670
04/24/15 01:02 AM
04/24/15 01:02 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a [blip] fool about it.
W.C. Fields
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and
you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when
you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.

He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"

The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it.

Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband.

"What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!"

"I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seen in my local paper's "readers sales" section.

FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of encyclopaedia Britannica.
45 Volumes. Excellent condition.
£1000 pounds or best offer.

Reason for sale:- No longer required.
Got married last weekend.
Husband knows everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:

"Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you."

"When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion," she explained.

The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in his wife.

"I'm curious though," he said, "Where did the thirty dollars come from?"

"Oh that, " his wife replied, "Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose?" asked the neighbor.

"Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Hmmm, there's a theme with this batch of jokes. Breakfast is on me for the first person who can tell me what that theme is. happydance


I's so happy to be off today. It's supposed to storm all day though..............................................I'm still happy to be off. bravo


Right now though, if not sooner, I've really got to get to bed. sleep


There's an 80% chance or rain today. That means there's a 20% chance it won't, and I can take Baby to the creek, and hunt arrowheads. yay


Have a happy day everyone. wave



joe


Last edited by gymcandy1; 04/24/15 01:06 AM. Reason: I just like changing my mind.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011678
04/24/15 02:16 AM
04/24/15 02:16 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe and all who follow later. wave
Have all a happy Friday. happydance spring


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011683
04/24/15 06:07 AM
04/24/15 06:07 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
chocobunny Good Morning Joe, Haroula and All. Joe how about life is full of surprises! Haroula enjoy your day. Coffee is ready. It sure is cold here this morning! Happy Day All! chocobunny


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011691
04/24/15 07:20 AM
04/24/15 07:20 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning to all my Diner friends. May you all have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, Apple Cinnamon Pancakes, and Bacon And Eggs in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011698
04/24/15 08:29 AM
04/24/15 08:29 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers: kitty

Joe, hope you get to hunt for arrowheads with Baby.

Haroula, have a great day!

Gerry, my heat is on right now. Where's Spring? spring

Connie, enjoy your warm weather.

A trip to WalMart this morning. Wishing everyone here and on their way a super good and peaceful Friday! lab


Gail
Re: TGIF [Re: GBC] #1011707
04/24/15 09:36 AM
04/24/15 09:36 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring. sleep


Good morning everybody. wave


I slept late this mourning, and no wonder, the sky is black and it's raining. razz


I guess the only place I'll go today is to Walmart, and right now that's kind of ifie. duh


I don't mind sitting here by the window, drinking my coffee and watching it rain on the nice green grass outside. bravo


I guess. rolleyes


It's not like a have much choice. wink


I hope everyone has a super day. yes


joe


Last edited by gymcandy1; 04/24/15 09:39 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011716
04/24/15 09:52 AM
04/24/15 09:52 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! We will take some of your rain out here in SoCal! wink Have a terrific TGIF!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Friday! woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011745
04/24/15 01:27 PM
04/24/15 01:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Hubby took the day off to work in the yard with daughter. We started the day with a great walk at the park. Then home to clean up while daughter cooked breakfast.

After breakfast, I had to find the recipe to get tonight's steaks marinating. Making a smoothie for son before work so will be zapping back into the kitchen as soon as I post. I won't be doing yard work lol but will instead be scrambling the books while they are conquering the yard.

I think we are going to go see the new baby (Daughter's friend next town over) for a few minutes today. Daughter really wants me to go, so I will but only for a few minutes. Too much to do to be gone long. Boys and soccer tomorrow, and I think, a ball game tomorrow night. Busy busy busy wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011750
04/24/15 01:38 PM
04/24/15 01:38 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! PT and errands behind me, now to make a shark cake. lol Should be an amusing venture!

Happy Friday all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011752
04/24/15 01:46 PM
04/24/15 01:46 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Shark cake?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011755
04/24/15 02:00 PM
04/24/15 02:00 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
lol Yes! I am throwing a very large party tomorrow for 55 people and it's shark themed. I will show you if it turns out.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011771
04/24/15 05:01 PM
04/24/15 05:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ok, I know there is a great story behind that lol


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011773
04/24/15 05:12 PM
04/24/15 05:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Welcome to the weekend Boomers. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011776
04/24/15 05:42 PM
04/24/15 05:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thanks, Space. You have plans?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011782
04/24/15 06:29 PM
04/24/15 06:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Here you go L4L - Shark Cake

My niece/God Child is turning 30 and she is terrified of sharks so I am throwing her a "Shark Attack of the 30's party" Everything is shark themed. And given your kitchen experiments, you may want to know the cake is made all natural, no food colors and sprouted grain flours. It's not only delicious it's as healthy as you can get for cakes.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011787
04/24/15 07:15 PM
04/24/15 07:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ana, that is the best! You are a great Aunt!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011788
04/24/15 07:19 PM
04/24/15 07:19 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
We are up to 60 people L4L. ASk me how I feel about this tomorrow night. eek


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1011793
04/24/15 08:06 PM
04/24/15 08:06 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Ana, that's amazing!! I'm impressed!! praise Hope your day tomorrow is full of fun!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011796
04/24/15 08:57 PM
04/24/15 08:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Thanks, Darlene! It was fun making it. laugh


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1011807
04/24/15 10:28 PM
04/24/15 10:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Oh Ana. That's sensational! Please let us know how it went.

I have the morning off so I'm gonna sleep in I hope. Have a great rest of the night.

Midgie sleep


Just do it.
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