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Terrific Tuesday #1012223
04/28/15 12:34 AM
04/28/15 12:34 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henry Youngman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A short history of medicine:

I have an earache.

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.

Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.

When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor,I'm already here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby.

All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.

When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet."

A little later they ask to see the baby again.

Again the mother says "not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"

And the mother says, "When the baby cries."

And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man hasn't been feling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.

Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? Days?!"

"Nine...Eight..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students.

“As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.”

The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?”

“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Actual Medical Charts
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after
hours.

But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious."

"No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him.

"Besides, we've been seeing each other for six months now, and he doesn't suspect a thing."

"Maybe," said the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Happy Tuesday Morning!! yay


Well as we get more into the warmer weather, I get more into my usual dread of the coming heat. razz


It's still been pretty cool here actually. It's the humidity getting to me, and if it's getting to me now.... slapforehead


That's at work of course. If I'm off, I won't be going out to hunt the arrowheads as much. Any temperatures over 85 will be very hard on me, if I'm out very long. yes


Not only that, but the bugs get bad, and the snakes get bad.


Walking through the woods, I am continually walking my face through spider webs too.


I pulled a tick off my knee after my last trip to the creek.


You know that memory issue I have? I took one of those long Bic lighters. You know the ones you use to light a fireplace or lantern, or something? I was going to teach that tick a lesson for biting me. mad


About the time the blister started to form on my leg, I remembered why I should pull the tick off first and then burn it. scared


You know that tick bite doesn't itch at all under a 3rd degree burn. thumbsup


Have a happy day everyone.


joe



There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012227
04/28/15 02:42 AM
04/28/15 02:42 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe and all who follow later. wave
Sunny and hot almost 28C.Summer is here happydance
Have all a happy day. dance


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012231
04/28/15 05:31 AM
04/28/15 05:31 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
chocobunny Good Morning Joe, Haroula and All. Congrats Haroula on winning the Dinner Giveaway! Coffee is ready. Have a great day everyone. chocobunny


Gerry
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012240
04/28/15 06:33 AM
04/28/15 06:33 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning to all my Diner buddies. May all here and all who come in later have a Great Tuesday. Vet this morning to check on Outlaw and shots for him and Sunshine. Danish, Waffles, and Blueberry Muffins in the NC. lab


Connie
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012255
04/28/15 08:54 AM
04/28/15 08:54 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies!

Have a great day everyone!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1012258
04/28/15 09:55 AM
04/28/15 09:55 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and have a Terrific Tuesday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012275
04/28/15 10:46 AM
04/28/15 10:46 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers spring

Joe, be careful. Tick bites can be dangerous.

Haroula, happy day! Congrats on the Diner win.

Gerry, enjoy the day!

Connie, hope the Vet visit goes good.

Ana, enjoy whatever plans you have today.

Darlene, have a great day!

Rain is stopping and sun is breaking through. Got a few errands to run thius morning. Wishing everyone a wonderful Tuesday! lab


Gail
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012278
04/28/15 11:20 AM
04/28/15 11:20 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe I was just reading about this years ticks. They are out early and many more of them and they have even yet another disease that they carry that is deadly so BE careful out there. Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula congrats on the win! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie good luck with the Vet trip! Thanks for danish and have a lovely day!

Ana have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

Gail glad the rain is stopping. Have fun with the errands and have a lovely day!

wave
NAn

Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012281
04/28/15 11:42 AM
04/28/15 11:42 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
I am sooo thankful we don't have ticks around here. I guess we have some, but I've never seen, nor heard of anyone saying they saw or were bit. Maybe ticks don't like our dry, sunny weather?

In other news: My big Yard Sale, which is this Friday, is going well. Not only have I made 82 bucks from 2 friends, but my neighbor/friend who watches TV with me every night is going to buy MOST of my Lego sets! He loaned me 100 bucks last week (when I ran short of food and necessities) and he figures if he buys the Legos (at 10 bucks a set) that will satisfy my debt to him. Wheeeee. He's 'thinking' about trying to sell them on Ebay. He has never done any Ebay selling, but this could be a first. I know they go for big bucks on Ebay, but I'm not the 'auction' type. My motto is 'price things so low that you buy it even if you don't need it'. Works for me. Things just go fast and people leave happy with bargains. They will take them home, marveling at the ridiculous price, and how they 'stole' it, and then the goodies will sit at their house for months and months until they decide they need to have a yard sale and sell what they bought and wonder why the heck they bought all that stuff. rotfl

OH and my friend said if he makes a ton of money on Ebay, he will take me out to dinner. Yup, win-win. I like this Yard Sale. I'm also selling (finally) an iron and brass headboard. Had it for years. Heavy as the dickens. Beautiful, reminds me of 'Love American Style' show. Gorgeous headboard for someone who appreciates antique beds. Heavy iron bars, REAL brass doodads on the top and the top bar is real brass. Not plated. Ahhh it's beautiful. I already sleep in an iron bed and have another in storage, so it's time to turn the orphan headboard into cash.

Weather is warmmmm today. Going to be about 80 after 60's all last week. Still have the ocean breeze so it's glorious out. Wish you all could be here to enjoy it with me!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012305
04/28/15 01:56 PM
04/28/15 01:56 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Daughter and I got up, and as it was cool outside, I had enough time to get coffee before heading to the park. I always walk faster with daughter, even though I know my fastest pace is a slow one for her. It is a gorgeous day! Blue skies, bright sun.

After we tired all the monkeys out, we brushed them. It is always windy at the park, so we could face them into the wind and let the hair blow away. There are going to be some very happy birds near the park. We'd still be there brushing, but we had to get home because I have to leave in just a second for a routine doctor's visit.

Dogs fed, people fed, showered. Will have to toss on different clothes. We will be gone all afternoon I'm sure, and I'll be exhausted when we get back. Already warned the crew that I'm not cooking tonight.

Joe, I agree. It's not the heat, but the humidity which does me in. Please tell me you are kidding about the tic and the bic.

Haroula, is it beach weather?

Gerry, wave

Connie, how did the vet visit go?

Ana, wave

Darlene, happy skooshing.

Gail, hope the errands are done and you are relaxing now.

Nan, what's on your calendar for the day?

Sorta, I agree with your philosophy. Where did the headboard you are selling come from?

Back later wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012317
04/28/15 04:35 PM
04/28/15 04:35 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012318
04/28/15 04:59 PM
04/28/15 04:59 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Hey L4L, headboard came from where most of my goodies came from: The thrift store. Got it at a good price by letting the 'yard guy' give me a hug. YUK. But it's harmless and I got some awesome deals that way. Lots of people around so I didn't feel it was anything more than friendly. Gotta make some friends to get the deals. I think I paid 50 for it. They wanted a hundred back then. Love my bed I sleep in every night. All iron, heavy as the dickens, makes me think of the early 1900's. You see the same type on lots of TV shows, and movies, usually westerns.

Made another 'score' today. My friend/tenant decided he wanted some LEGOS and I got him up here (before the other gal came back for more stuff) so she wouldn't take any LEGOS. He decided he wanted ALL of them. At 10 bucks a bag, and 20 bags...WOW. That pays back the hundred I borrowed and I'm 100 to the good. Nice nice.

Most of my yard sales didn't make this much even after 2 days of bargaining and sitting in the hot sun. What fun this is. I was hoping for an easy 'cash out' this time and so far it's working. Last sale was in 2001! Long time ago and the neighbors keep asking when I'm having another one. I used to have them every few months. We shall see if this one is good enough to go through all the boxes of 'stuff' and take out little things. I'm only selling big things this time. Trying to make it easy for me.

LEGO's are going to be put together first (so friend says), then pictures taken and then he's going to try his hand at Ebay. He's sure at least one of the sets will fetch 'several hundred dollars'. Uhhuh. I hope so since he promised dinner if he makes money.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012336
04/28/15 07:50 PM
04/28/15 07:50 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Back from town. Rain started on the way home, but sweet hubby was driving so I wasn't worried.

Think we are going to sit and watch Avengers! wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: looney4labs] #1012358
04/28/15 10:29 PM
04/28/15 10:29 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Terrific Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1012361
04/28/15 11:20 PM
04/28/15 11:20 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Good movie! Off to bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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