That is the greatest fallacy, the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful.
Ernest Hemingway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After trick-or-treating,
a teen takes a shortcut home
through the cemetery. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots
an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost,”
says the relieved teen. “What are you
doing working so late?”
“Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. “They misspelled my name!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During a visit with my grandmother, my husband noticed a birthday card from a local funeral parlor.
“That was nice of them,” he said.
She was unimpressed. “They only want me for my body,” she grumbled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As if the declining health of my grandmother weren’t enough, my parents suddenly had to contend with an ant infestation. So I was glad to get a text from Mom updating me: “Exterminator was here; thinks she got the nest behind the microwave. She sprayed, and hundreds came out—dead and woozy. Grandma
Marie the same.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hanging up with my 90-year-old mother, I sighed, then said to
my 96-year-old uncle, “She’s so
stubborn.”
He shook his head sympathetically and warned, “You’re going to have trouble with her when she gets old.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Has your diet changed?”
I asked an 87-year-old woman I was admitting into the hospital.
“Yes,” she said. “For Lent, I gave
up whipped cream on my Jell-O, hard candy, and my two beers a night. [Pause] And look where it’s gotten me.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.
“It’s taped under the modem,”
I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the hardware store, a
clerk asked, “Can I help you find
anything?”
“How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband.
The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. “Please, Señora,” the poor man pleads, “I haven’t eaten all day.”
“Good,” says the grandmother. “Now you won’t have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass. Won’t even look at a cow.”
“Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested.
The next week, John is much happier. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor’s cows! He’s like a machine!”
“What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend.
“I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive.”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them.
Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated.
"Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. "I’m looking for my wife. She has white hair and is wearing white shoes."
Gesturing around the store, the clerk responded, "Take your pick."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
G'morning ever little pea picking boomer.
Or is it every little cotton picking boomer?
Either way, you picked a great day to come in. It's THE WEEKEND!!!!
You're all welcome to it...............................I'm working.
In fact, I gotta get up at 4:30. That's gettin up at the crack of insanity.
I'd better get this posted, and mosey along into the sunset, I mean mosey into the bedroom, the sun has set.
Even if it hadn't set I've gotta get to bed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, soot, Ana, Haroula and All. Coffee is ready. Enjoy your day! 
