Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney
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A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under one arm. The man says, “Beer, please, and one for the road.”
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A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says, “OK, but I don’t want you starting anything in here.”
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A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender tells him to get out. The mushroom says, “Why? I’m a fun-guy.”
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Several fonts walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type here.”
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A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a pint, please.”
The bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re out of your head.”
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A millionaire, a hard hat, and a cheapskate are at a bar…
When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug.
The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then sips the new one.
The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly and quaffs the rest.
It’s now the cheapskate’s turn: He sticks his hand into the beer, grabs the fly by the wings, and shouts, “Spit it out! Spit it out!”
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A Red Sox fan walks into a Boston pub and spots a guy wearing a New York Yankees cap. “Drinks for everyone here, bartender!” shouts the Red Sox fan. “Except for
Mr. Yankees!”
The Yankees fan smiles and says, “Thank you!”
Infuriated, the Red Sox fan orders another round of drinks for everyone except Mr. Yankees, who, again, thanks the man. This goes on for a while, until Mr. Red Sox asks the bartender, “What’s the matter with that guy? I’ve ordered rounds of drinks for everyone but him, and all he does is thank me. Is he nuts?”
“No, he’s not nuts,” says the bartender. “He owns the place.”
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A bar in our neighborhood got lots of interesting traffic. Cars swerved into the parking lot, and the drivers would run inside only to reappear minutes later looking confused. One reason might have been the sign outside: "Free Beer, Topless Bartenders, and False Advertising."
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Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls off his barstool and lies motionless on the floor.
"One thing about Fred," his buddy says to the bartender. "He knows when to stop."
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Having grown up in a small Alabama town, my friend James couldn’t wait to tell us all about life in California, where he was stationed.
"The malls are massive, and the restaurants are great," he said. Then he grinned. "I even went to a topless bar."
"Really?" said his mother, surprised.
"What do they do if it starts to rain?"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Let's see, what day is this? Ah yes, the second day after Hump Day.
Someone out there is thinking, "No it's not! It's Friday."
I'm just guessing but, they probably can't even spell 'anal retentive'.
I was keeping an eye on spell check to see if it disagreed with my spelling.
I know it's difficult to believe, but I do make mistakes.
One time I mistook my sister for A coat rack.
I had to apologize, to my coat rack.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
