The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse
Dennis Miller
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Wanted: Cemetery Superintendent“Now hiring,” read the classified ad. “Cemetery superintendent. The ideal candidate must be able to supervise in a fast-paced environment.”
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This Classified ad Speaks Volumes:“Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, high chair;
also two single beds.”
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Bad Typos in Real NewspapersWe all make mistakes. Some
are just more public than others,
like these real newspaper typos:
“Here the bridal couple stood,
facing the floral setting, and exchanged cows.” Modesto News-Herald (California)
“It took many rabbits many years to write the Talmud.” Holland Evening Sentinel (Michigan)
“Mrs. ____ fell down stairs at her home this morning, breaking her myhodudududududududosy, and suffered painful injuries.” Ohio paper
“A headline in an item in the
Feb. 15th edition incorrectly stated ‘Stolen Groceries.’ It should have read: ‘Homicide.’” Enquirer-Bulletin
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Heading Off CriticismThink the comments on Internet posts are tough? See what happened when the Washington Post asked its readers to write intentionally angry letters to actual headlines:
Headline: 20,000 Pound Pavement to Help Homeless
Response: “Are you people idiots? What the homeless need are homes, not ten tons of additional pavement!”
Headline: Maryland Agrees to
Tobacco Settlement
Response: “Well, that’s all we
need—an entire settlement of people devoted to their cancer sticks. What’s next, a drunk-driving commune?”
Headline: C.C. United Se Une
Hoy a Campana Solidaria Pro
Centroamerica
Response: “I was disgusted with
the sloppy spelling for [this] article. There were so many typos, I couldn’t understand a word.”
File These Headlines Under: We Don’t Even Want to Know.•Firefighters Use Jaws of Life to Free High School Girl from Locker
•FDA Approves Third Silicone-Gel Breast Implant
•Missing Woman Unwittingly Joins Search Party Looking for Herself
•Woman’s “Stomach Bug” Actually Baby
Big Changes in AppletonA headline in my local newspaper: “Appleton Airport May Soon Be Known as Appleton Airport.”
Department of (Ridiculous) CorrectionsJournalists and editors on deadline make the occasional error. Some are funnier than others:
• NBC reported that American students rank internationally at: “26th math, 21th science, 17th reading.”
• Britain’s Sky News showed the
importance of punctuation: “Top
stories: World leaders at Mandela tribute, Obama–Castro handshake and same-sex marriage date set.”
• A retraction from Wired: “A previous version of this story incorrectly quoted Dropbox cofounder Drew Houston saying ‘anyone with nipples’ instead of ‘anyone with a pulse.’”
First Microbes Breathed Sulfur…First Microbes Breathed Sulfur Before It Was Cool
Stolen Prosthetic Arm…Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in a Secondhand Shop
Marshall County Sheriff’s Candidate…Marshall County Sheriff’s Candidate Disputes Report of Own Death
Hold the Presses!Misadventures in headline writing from around the world:
City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells —The Herald-Palladium (St. Joseph, Michigan)
Case of Innocent Man Freed
After Spending 18 Years in Prison Proves Texas System Works —Lubbock Avalanche-Journal (Texas)
British Left Waffles on Falklands —The Guardian
At Last Singer Etta James Dies
Headlines around America• County to Pay $250,000 to Advertise Lack of Funds (Register-Guard, Eugene, Oregon)
• 4-H Training Scheduled for Shooting Instructors (Pine City Pioneer, Minnesota)
• Study Shows Frequent Sex Enhances Pregnancy Chances (Winchester Star, Virginia)
• Police: DUI Charge for Woman Celebrating End of Earlier DUI
Suspension (Chicago Tribune)
• Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons (Tulsa World, Oklahoma)
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Good morning everyboomie.
I'm running way way late due to the fact that I went to the creek after I got off of work.
It was against my better judgment to go, but I've never let that stand in my way of doing something I want to do.
At least I found a point.........one...........single..............broken..........point.
My better judgment is telling me to get to bed NOW!!!!
I'm going to listen to it ONLY because I want to go to bed now.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Looking forward to playing some Life is Strange after work. 
Morning Gail. 
Thanks Joe, for opening for us. You're the best. Have a super day all.
