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#1015709 - Yesterday at 07:38 PM Surf & Turf Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30420
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
I have never worked out the moral to Humpty Dumpty. Is it, “Don’t let horses perform medical procedures”? —Ricky Gervais


Hot-Crossed Pastors

When my husband, James Rowles, was in the seminary, he was invited to preach at a small rural church. However, the man who was to introduce him to the congregation had trouble pronouncing his name. So James 
offered this verbal clue: “Remember rolls, like hot buttered rolls.”
It worked. When it came time 
for the introduction, the man announced, “We are pleased to have with us the Reverend James Biscuits.”

Airman Express

My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didn’t salute. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman.

“Thanks for coming back for me,” the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. “Airmen’s mess, sir.”


Sgt. Nimrod

I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, “Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard.”

The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Gary Toohard.


Piping Up

A Scottish mother visits her 
son in his New York City apartment and asks, “How do you find the Americans, Donald?”

“Mother,” says Donald, “they’re such noisy people. One neighbor won’t stop banging his head against the wall, while the other screams and screams all night long.”

“Oh, Donald! How do you manage to put up with them?”

“What can I do? I just lie in bed quietly, playing my bagpipes.”


Is Your Boss This Dumb?

While taking stock of our 
products, I read aloud the final 
numbers to my boss. As he entered each one into a calculator, I deleted it off my mobile device. Only after 
I’d finished did we realize that he had entered the numbers on his 
desk phone’s keypad.


The Egg Corn Game

A few years back, a woman wanted 
to use the word acorns. What 
she wrote instead was egg corns, 
and ever since, linguists have had 
a new toy: eggcorns, words and phrases that people screw up:

• Social leopard (social leper)

• Mute point (moot point)

• Skimp milk (skimmed milk)

• Youthamism (euphemism)

Holidays sauce 
(Hollandaise sauce)


Mallory Ortberg on Cooking Blogs

Food blogs are rife with pressing questions, helpful hints, and caustic comments from readers. One site took a jaundiced look at what one might expect to find on such boards.

• “I don’t eat white flour, so I tried making it with raw almonds that I’d activated by chewing with my mouth open to receive direct sunlight, and it turned out terrible. This recipe is terrible.”

• “I don’t have an oven; can 
I still make this? Please reply 

• “A warning that if you 
cook this at 275°F for three hours instead of at 400°F for 
25 minutes, it’s completely 
ruined. Do you have any 


Eggxclaimed in the Office

Employee #1: I wouldn’t eat caviar. That’s fish eggs!

Employee #2: I’d try it. After all, I eat chicken eggs.

Employee #3: You eat chicken eggs?!


Bad Work Excuses

Thinking of skipping work? Don’t try these real excuses—they didn’t work the first time.

• My false teeth flew out the window while I was driving down the highway.

• I quit smoking and I’m grouchy.

• My favorite football team lost 
on Sunday, so I needed Monday to 

• I received a threatening phone 
call from the electric company and needed to report it to the FBI.

• I got lost and ended up in a 
different state.


PLEASE Don’t Administer Orally

My teenage patient’s mother was concerned. “He must have a temperature,” she said. “He hasn’t taken our motorcycle out all day.”

“Let me ask you,” I said. “Do you have a thermometer?”

“No,” she said. “A Kawasaki.”


Which West is that?

“Why did you choose a college so far from home?” I asked my British student.

She explained that she’d fallen 
in love with the American West by watching Westerns. So when it came time to apply for colleges, she Googled “Western universities.”

And that’s how she ended up here, at Western Carolina University.


Good Moning eveyboomie. welcome

It's been quite a day here, defined by water.

I tried going head hunting, but didn't get much time at it because of thr rain starting. sad

I was hoping to do a lot of hunting before it rained again. razz

At my home town where I grew up in Texas, our average annual rain fall was 20 inches. yes

Before today, we have received 13 inches locally...........this month. crazy That's cazy man.

It's still raining currantly, and we have a forcast of another 4 to 6 inches before Monday. shocked

Funny huh? haha

Ok have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

I have to get up at 3:30. tired

"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

#1015713 - Yesterday at 08:28 PM Re: Surf & Turf Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 10200
Loc: Columbus,Ohio
Have a great Saturday everyone. smile
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

#1015718 - Yesterday at 08:57 PM Re: Surf & Turf Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 66926
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hope you dry out and find out some points Joe! I found a broken one the other day at the river. It's been a long time since I've come across one.

Have a happy day Joe, SpaceQ and all!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#1015740 - Today at 02:36 AM Re: Surf & Turf Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8824
Loc: Greece
Have a great Saturday Joe, SpaceQ, Ana and all. happydance wave
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#1015743 - Today at 05:02 AM Re: Surf & Turf Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 18409
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, Haroula and All! Coffee is ready. I'll be away for a while and my not be posting. Enjoy the long weekend! wave wave

#1015749 - Today at 06:48 AM Re: Surf & Turf Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8409
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who join us later, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Sausage Biscuits in the NC. Biscuit bottoms for L4L. spring

#1015760 - 3 minutes 6 seconds ago Re: Surf & Turf Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5969
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Saturday Joe, Space Quest, Ana, Haroula, Gerry, Connie and all who come in after me. wave

I have a three day weekend! happydance Today, Thorsgoats and I are going to have a nice breakfast and then catch up on some games. thumbsup

Hope everyone has a terrific Saturday. spring


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