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Sip & Surf Sunday #1015836
05/23/15 08:53 PM
05/23/15 08:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Never trust a man when he’s in love, drunk, or running for office.
—Shirley Maclaine

``````````````````````

The Tax Man Cometh

A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns. Just as he did, a peal of laughter could be heard in another room. Glaring at me, he grumbled, “What are they doing back there, counting the money?”

`````````````````````````

Misreading the Signals

My fiancé and I went to a counselor to work on our communication issues. Using herself as an example, the counselor crossed her legs and her arms and exhaled loudly. I was about to say she was showing signs of frustration, but my fiancé beat me to it, yelling, “I’ve got it! You’re constipated!”

`````````````````````````

Exterminating Grandma

As if the declining health of my grandmother weren’t enough, my parents suddenly had to contend with an ant infestation. So I was glad to get a text from Mom updating me: “Exterminator was here; thinks she got the nest behind the microwave. She sprayed, and hundreds came out—dead and woozy. Grandma 
Marie the same.”

```````````````````````


Chik-fail-A

Scene: My cousin Matt and his daughter at Chick-fil-A.
Matt: Can I please get a four-piece kids’ meal with white milk. [Pause] Oh, and gimme an extra white milk.
Clerk: Um … We only have one kind of milk, and it’s pretty white.

```````````````````````````

Misfortune Cookie

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.” His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

```````````````````````

What 87-Year-Olds Give Up For Lent

“Has your diet changed?” 
I asked an 87-year-old woman I was admitting into the hospital.
“Yes,” she said. “For Lent, I gave 
up whipped cream on my Jell-O, hard candy, and my two beers a night. [Pause] And look where it’s gotten me.”

`````````````````````````

Colonoscopy Small Talk

Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. And yet they’re as popular 
as, well, a colonoscopy. Here are 
comments purportedly made by 
patients to physicians during their procedures.
“Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
“Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”
“Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?”

```````````````````````

What’s Your Definition of “Woman”?

Request from a client to our Ad agency: “For the ad, use a stock photo of a woman or a person.”

`````````````````````

Weirdest Craigslist Post Ever?

Looking for a job? Here’s one posted on Craigslist:

“$40K a Year to Attend Harvard University as Me.” Requirements include a 4.0 GPA in high school or a 3.5 GPA in college. Only males need apply, since, as the listing tells us, “I have a male name.” The lucky person tapped for the gig doesn’t have to do much other than “attend all classes, pass all tests, 
and finish all assigned work while pretending you are me.” Don’t worry about having to actually get into 
the Ivy League school: “I’ve already taken care of that,” he says.

```````````````````````````

Landmarks and Spacemarks

While on maneuvers in the 
Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help.
“Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you?” the base operator asked him.
“Yes,” said the lieutenant. “We are directly under the moon.”

`````````````````````````

Baby’s First Army Roll Call

During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. There was bound to be trouble, and 
I was right, because suddenly, he 
fell silent—eyebrows arched, brain overloaded. After a long pause, he thundered, “The alphabet?!”

````````````````````````

Kids Say: Concert Edition

After my three-year-old begged and begged, I gave in and 
let her attend a concert with her older sister and brother. As we 
took our seats, I handed programs 
to the kids. Following the lead of her siblings, my three-year-old opened her program and announced, “I’ll have the chicken.”

```````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to Joe's Diner/Noah's Ark Edition.


We have more storms, and much more rain approaching.


I received a text from our city office with a flood warning, and a notice that the city has sand bags available to all residents. eek


I may just have to get to work by backstroke, if I wake up and my house is floating.


Just to be safe, I stopped at Walmart and bought an anchor on the way home.


Ok it's getting here fast. Gotta get this posted.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 05/23/15 09:46 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015843
05/23/15 09:34 PM
05/23/15 09:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Sunday Boomers. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015853
05/23/15 11:22 PM
05/23/15 11:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Just dropped my neighbor off at the emergency room. Positive thoughts welcome please and thank you. She's a young lady who is in very bad shape.

Joe, SpaceQ and all, have a great day!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015862
05/24/15 06:03 AM
05/24/15 06:03 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have a relaxing Sunday everyone. happydance wave
Ana positive thoughts for your young neighbor.


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015863
05/24/15 06:55 AM
05/24/15 06:55 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers: smile

Joe, hope the sun shines for you soon.

Ana, prayers out to your neighbor. Hugs! hearts

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Space have a great day!

Off to church this morning then a birthday party this afternoon. Wishuing everyone a wonderful day! spring

Last edited by GBC; 05/24/15 06:56 AM.

Gail
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015864
05/24/15 07:08 AM
05/24/15 07:08 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Ana, prayers and positive thoughts for your neighbor. Breakfast out and some last minute shopping for our Keys trip next Saturday. Hot tub in place, now we need to get power to it. To all here and all who stop in later, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Ham, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and Toast in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: connie] #1015878
05/24/15 10:59 AM
05/24/15 10:59 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Ana,

How is your neighbor doing?


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015882
05/24/15 11:26 AM
05/24/15 11:26 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
I won't know until later SpaceQ. I'm hoping they will keep her for at least a few days.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1015883
05/24/15 11:42 AM
05/24/15 11:42 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Prayers on the way up for her Ana. hearts


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015884
05/24/15 12:17 PM
05/24/15 12:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocous Sunday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I slept in, then trundled off to the park to walk the monkeys. Windy windy windy! Whew....made it back home. Let the dogs cool down. Fed us all. Cleaned me up. Came down to surf for a minute and caught daughter still up in Korea. We miss each other all the time as the times she is up and at the computer, I'm not and vice versa.

Now time to relax I think. Perhaps I can get hubby to go to the store to pick up steaks for supper. I can make a mole sauce and salad.

Joe, is that true about the sandbags? If so, eek

Space, have a great day.

Ana, you are a blessing.

Haroula, have a fun day whatever it brings.

Gail, eat a piece of cake for me. Have fun!

Connie, have fun with the shoppity shopping.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015887
05/24/15 12:38 PM
05/24/15 12:38 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Prayers for your neigbhbor, Ana. Thanks goodness she had someone to help her.

Quiet morning, nothing happening except at the drug house. Business already this early morning.

Last night after midnight, there was a thump thump thump (8 times) which woke me up. Sounded like someone pounding on a door to be let in. Very loud but couldn't see anything outside or next door, etc. Might have been at the drug house. No yelling, nothing. Just those thumps. I'm going to look around my houses today and down back to see if anything looks disturbed. Very strange.scared


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1015890
05/24/15 01:08 PM
05/24/15 01:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Stay safe in the storms and have a smooth Sip & Surf Sunday!

Ana, so very sorry to hear about your neighbor.

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Shoe shopping today, then meeting some friends at our local winery. smile

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015950
05/24/15 10:24 PM
05/24/15 10:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Saying good night all. Been a busy day. I worked both shifts. Same tomorrow and Tuesday. I need to see my dil on Tuesday. It'll be her birthday. God I love that girl.hearts I hope you all had a great day today.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015952
05/24/15 10:46 PM
05/24/15 10:46 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Night all, sweet dreams sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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