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Monday #1015953
05/24/15 10:49 PM
05/24/15 10:49 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma

Notable Never-isms

• Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. —Norman Ford

• Never board 
a commercial 
aircraft if the 
pilot is wearing 
a tank top. —Dave Barry

• Never be in a 
hurry to terminate a marriage. You 
may need this person to finish a sentence. —Erma Bombeck

• Never argue with a doctor; he has inside information. —Bob Elliott and Ray Goulding

• Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level; it’s cheaper. —Quentin 
Crisp

````````````````````````


Bad Things to Tell Your Wife

A commercial boasted that its product could help people live 
pain-free in their golden years.

“Am I in my golden years?” my wife, 63, asked.

“Not at all,” I assured her. “But you are yellowing fast.”

`````````````````````````


Lying in Bed

I was cuddling with my girlfriend, and she said, “I love lying here with you.”

“I once caught a fish, and it was five feet long and spoke Hebrew,” I replied. She stared at me, confused. “That was my lie,” I said.

“Oh, right. I see. Very funny,” she said. She paused a moment before rolling over. “That was my lie.”

```````````````````````


Flash Drive Failure

I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I plug my flash drive into the computer, it doesn’t show up. I keep trying, but nothing happens. As an IT major, I know I can figure this out. So I spend 15 minutes changing settings and inserting and removing the flash drive. Then a girl sitting next to me taps my shoulder and says, “You’re plugging into my computer, not yours.”

````````````````````````

Lamp of Mass Destruction?

When I spotted a Navy captain 
on the street, I saluted and bellowed, “LST 395,” which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II.

The captain returned my salute and responded, “LMD 67.”

“What’s an LMD?” I asked.

“Large mahogany desk.”

````````````````````````````


MSW?!
(Mom say what?!)

Texting acronyms can stump even the best parents:

Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.

Son: Why is that funny?

Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?

Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.

Mom: I thought it meant Lots 
of Love. I have to call everyone back.

~

Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.

Mom: WTF!

Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?

Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.

~
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?

Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.

Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.

``````````````````````````

Men’s Room, Men’s Rules

A long line leading to the ladies’ room greeted my friend’s wife. Since desperate times call for desperate measures, my friend took her 
into the empty men’s room, then stood guard. When she exited a few minutes later, a man waiting his turn called out, “I hope you remembered to put up the toilet seat.”

```````````````````````


Refresh. Refresh. Refresh…

The water I was heating for pasta refused to boil, and if my 12-year-old son was right, I wasn’t helping by constantly checking on it.

“It’s like that old saying,” he said. “ ‘A watched website never loads.’ ”

```````````````````````


Will You Still Love Me?

Ah, marriage. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”

She answered, “I do.”

``````````````````````````


Poor Little Piggy

My young son ran to me, crying. “Daddy, I stubbed my toe,” he sobbed.

“Let me kiss it and make it better,” I said. “Which toe was it?”

“The one that has no roast beef.”

``````````````````````

The Wrong Language

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.

“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since 
I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”

He said he did and thanked me.

The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is 
So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent 
in Chinese?”

`````````````````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


How is everyone doin? happydance


We had major amounts of rain today, but I didn't need any sand bags. We even had sand bags at Lowe's in our entry, but I didn't see anybody buying them.


No rain tonight, but they are predicting a bunch more Monday, and rain chances all week. shocked


This rain is almost biblical, which is so apropo, since we are in the Bible Belt. snicker


Seeing the creek flood leval from our neighbors kitchen window now has me in hopes that it will be dry enough Wednesday or Thursday, and the creek will be low enough to do some more head hunting. yay


For now, I'm going to go hunt some pleasant dreams. lab


Have a happy day everyone. rah



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015954
05/24/15 11:40 PM
05/24/15 11:40 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
I hope you can get out and find some great heads out there, Joe!

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1015989
05/25/15 09:37 AM
05/25/15 09:37 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a terrific day Joe, Ana and all who come in after me. wave

I just realized I forgot to post yesterday. oops Today is the third day of my three day weekend. thumbsup Thorsgoats and I have been playing Life is Strange, as he hadn't even played episode one until this weekend. We'll most likely start episode 2 today. thumbsup

As for now, I'm off to see what my kitties are doing. catrub Hope everyone has a great Monday. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: venus] #1015990
05/25/15 09:52 AM
05/25/15 09:52 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning Joe, Ana, Venus and all my fellow Boomers. Have a great holiday! smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1016007
05/25/15 11:14 AM
05/25/15 11:14 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Good luck head hunting and happy Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Happy Memorial Day! praise Thank you to all who are serving and to all who have served! praise

We had a lovely day yesterday! Did some shoe shopping (I love my platform heels smile ), then went to Hubby's favorite sporting goods store as they were having a huge sale. Then, off it was to our local winery to meet friends for a taste, then off to other friends' home for dinner. It was lovely!

Today we're home to just enjoy the day and barbecue. As Ana so aptly puts it, Life is Good!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday [Re: Darlene] #1016024
05/25/15 12:33 PM
05/25/15 12:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

I'm getting ready to leave for work. razz

It's another overcast misty morning, and we have more rain on the way. slapforehead

Looks like an exceptionally slow day in the diner. smirk

I hope everyone is doing well. yes

I wish everyone a super day. rah

joe wink


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1016027
05/25/15 12:35 PM
05/25/15 12:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Good Morning and Happy Memorial Day puppy

Hubby and I slept in and then took the monkeys walking in the neighborhood. These hills are killers. Almost home we got to chat with our neighbor whom we seldom see.

Then home to send hubby to the store, get dinner in the crock pot, and feed the dogs.

Now down to sit and surf for a sec wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1016061
05/25/15 04:37 PM
05/25/15 04:37 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Happy Memorial Day! Thank you to those who are and who did serve our country!!

Think.........pink!!!!! It's going to be a girl!!!! My granddaughter is so excited about that too. They had a reveling party yesterday and my niece made the cake since she was the only one who knew what it would be. lol

Joe I hope that rain ends soon cause it leaves you and heads this way. Rain, rain, rain.

Ana have you heard how your neighbor is doing? Sending prayers.

venus happy gaming.

Space enjoy the day!

Darlene enjoy the extra day off and the easy peasy day!

L4l no BBQ here with all the rain Enjoy!

I went to the cemetery for the service for all the fallen soldiers who have given their lives to help keep our county free. I had to present the wreath donated by the WOTM chaper 795 in the pouring rain and then all that were there went to the Moose Lodge for a lunch and social gathering!! Was so glad for "hot" coffee since it was only in the 40's and we were soaked to the bone!

One guy there said what's a little rain on the program, they didn't stop fighting just because of the snow or rain!! Nicely put!

Have a lovely and safe day everybody!!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1016067
05/25/15 05:52 PM
05/25/15 05:52 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
"It was a dark and stormy night..." Well actually a dark and stormy morning when all of a sudden...I was awakened by the smell of marijuana! Yep and the 'singing' of some drunk or druggie guy walking down my drivway down to the back and triggering all 3 of my alarms. HE was singing to the alarm sounds. Very cute. Staggering whatever and then he turned around and went back out and up the block. Lots of weird people around here.

THEN I looked outside and saw that our favorite Bad Gal was over at the house. I'll put details later in Sorta's Neighborhood, but just in case it's a long day, she came over and talked to ME! Seems she heard about the arrest over there, was out of town for 3 weeks and came back to all sorts of 'reports' on what the squatters were doing. She was livid. I filled her in on a few details but the bottom line is: She told all of them to vacate the premises by midnight. Wow. This might be good IF they actually do or if she comes back (she said she would) and they are still there. Three people left shortly after with backpacks full. Others still arriving and looking very normal business. Not sure if anything will happen but my fingers are crossed.

Happy Memorial Day to all from one who was born in the town that is the 'Birthplace of Memorial Day', officially named by President Johnson in 1966. Guessing game here but it's an easy one.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1016070
05/25/15 07:34 PM
05/25/15 07:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Hope you all enjoyed your long weekend! I'm off playing top golf with hubby. It's been a year since I was able to do it! Feels so good to be out and doing stuff.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1016081
05/25/15 09:01 PM
05/25/15 09:01 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 48,229
near Yosemite
Marian Offline
Global Moderator
Marian  Offline
Global Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 48,229
near Yosemite
Originally Posted By: BrownEyedTigre
Hope you all enjoyed your long weekend! I'm off playing top golf with hubby. It's been a year since I was able to do it! Feels so good to be out and doing stuff.


That's so nice, Ana - it really makes you appreciate the relatively simple things in life, doesn't it? Hugs to you. hearts thumbsup

Have a great evening, all. wave

Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1016086
05/25/15 09:17 PM
05/25/15 09:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Time for bed. Sleep well all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: Marian] #1016087
05/25/15 09:18 PM
05/25/15 09:18 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have fun Ana. happydance

Good night Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1016089
05/25/15 09:33 PM
05/25/15 09:33 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Home to watch the Hawks now. Yelling at the TV! lol

My neighbor is doing better and is home. She has a very long road, but she's hanging in there. Thank you to all who sent positive thoughts and asked for her. It's a sad situation.


Don't feed the Trolls
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