Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
~Kimberly Broyles
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Here are some more of the of the best funny thoughts
We all can’t be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.
We found Jesus – he was behind the sofa all along.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Welcome to Hell. Here’s your copy of Windows ME.
Welcome what you can’t avoid.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.
When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me.
When I was young I was told that anyone could be president. Now I’m beginning to believe it.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
When all else fails, admit i’m right and kiss my ass.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
When in doubt empty the magazine.
When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess.
When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
When it’s dark enough you can see the stars.
When someone points skyward, it’s the fool that looks at the finger.
When the pin is pulled, Mr. grenade is not our friend.
When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage?
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
When you don’t know what you are doing, do it neatly.
When you don’t know what you are doing, do it neatly.
When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
While having never invented a sin, I’m trying to perfect several.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom?
Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free.
Why do they use sterile needles for lethal injections?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Wise people think all they say; fools say all they think.
With a rubber duck, you’re never alone.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Work harder: millions on welfare depend on you.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.
Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
You can observe a lot just by watching.
You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
You don’t have to explain something you never said.
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
You’re driving a car. It isn’t a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a resaurant.
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These funny limericks were written by and sent in by Albert Van Hoogmoed. Thanks Albert for sending them in. If anyone else would like to send in some original limericks, please feel free.
“Skinny No More”
There once was a fellow named Sarge
who married a psychic named Marge.
The weight soon appeared,
and just as he feared,
his medium became extra-large.
“A Clown on Viagra”
A clown went to Doctor McDougal
with pain in his whatcha-ma-doodle.
With turns of his wrists
and a couple of twists
he’d made it look just like a poodle.
“Clinton’s Dog”
Old Buddy the dog was a male,
made friends with a wag of his tail.
He sniffed someone’s crotch
on the President’s watch.
He sniffed but he didn’t inhale.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Ah, if I'm up, it must be past 10:00am.
If I'm asleep right now, then I must be having a very boring dream.
Wouldn't be the first time, but you know what? I'd really like to have some of my dreams on DVD.
That's all I'm gonna say about that.
Ordinarily I could sit here all night and chat with everyone.....
.....but just this one night I'd kinda like to get to bed early.
It's an inside joke.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Thorsgoats and I are going to watch the new episode of Orphan Black and maybe play a game afterward. 
We finished all the available episodes of Life is Strange so far, and Thorsgoats enjoyed it as much as I did. So perhaps we'll continue with The Book of Unwritten Tales next or start Back to the Future. 
I couldn't fit the whole thing or even what show it was from within the allowed characters, so I just had to settle for an abbreviated version.