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Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner #1018959
06/15/15 07:20 PM
06/15/15 07:20 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it.
~Sara Swank
`````````````````````````


Funny Kids’ Mistakes about the Bible

These mistakes have been collected from Sundayschool teachers, Catholic school teachers and others

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments.


In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the East side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”

It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

`````````````````````

Funny Church Bulletins and Announcement Mistakes and Bloopers



Don’t let worries kill you- let the church help.


Here are some really funny church bulletins and announcements:


Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

A men’s choir is starting in two weeks. If you are a man and you like to sin in the shower, consider joining in with other men!

“Ok guys let’s start today from the psalm 150, ‘let everything that has breasts praise the Lord’ ”

“Ladies wanting to find more happiness in your life see the pastor for details on joining the group.”

`````````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie, and good night. welcome lol


I'm running kinda late again tonight...... think....I mean this morning? wink


I went over to my neighbor's house after I got home from work today. They have two big parrots and I wanted to see them. I had a very large Cockatoo on my shoulder, and he decided that I need my ear pierced, so he pierced it for me. HOLY CR*P THAT HURT!!!!! taz


My ear bled so much I though I would need a transfusion.


The bird thought it was funny. haha


They're saying now we have a really good chance for more flooding here starting tonight. Oh joy. shocked


I forgot to tell y'all that my brother came down here to pick up a granite marker that we had by the old well at Mom's place. He was only here for a few hours and then went back home. He told me that unless something bad should happen, he wouldn't be coming down here ever again. smirk


I told him that unless something really good happens, I probably won't be leaving here again. rolleyes


Have a super day everyone. thumbsup



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 06/15/15 07:25 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018971
06/15/15 09:16 PM
06/15/15 09:16 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thanks for the laughs Joe. lol


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018975
06/15/15 09:33 PM
06/15/15 09:33 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a terrific day Joe, Space Quest and all who come in after me. wave

It's Monday night for me, and I"m off to sleep for yet another long work day tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a great Tuesday. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018978
06/15/15 10:17 PM
06/15/15 10:17 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Have a great day joe, SpaceQ, and Venus!

We have had significant flooding, tornadoes and a week of storms already. Time for good weather!

Watching the Hawks right now with friends. Hoping for a win!

Have a wonderful day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018996
06/16/15 01:52 AM
06/16/15 01:52 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have all a great day. smile wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

H [Re: Haroula] #1018998
06/16/15 02:25 AM
06/16/15 02:25 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Hi ya Boom Boom Buddies wave

Have a nice day everyone spring
had a rough time at dialysis sure not looking forward to going again today yuk! blech

Hi space no haven't got one yet smile

Gail hope your feeling better hug



Karen puppy


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019003
06/16/15 05:42 AM
06/16/15 05:42 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, venus, Ana, Haroula, Karen and All. Coffee is hot and ready! SpaceQ and venus wishing you a stress free day. Ana keeping my fingers crossed you have better weather! Haroula have a great day too. karen keeping you in my prayers and hoping all goes well for you today. Peaceful day wished for everyone today. wave


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: Kaki's Sister] #1019025
06/16/15 09:58 AM
06/16/15 09:58 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019034
06/16/15 12:12 PM
06/16/15 12:12 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe just send that rain to California, they could use it. lol Thanks for the chuckles!

Space have a lovely day!

venus have fun at work!!

Ana congrats on your team winning last night!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Karen sorry you had a bad day at dialysis and pray that things are better today! HUGS!!!

Gerry thanks for starting the coffee!!

Darlene have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019035
06/16/15 12:14 PM
06/16/15 12:14 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Where am I? Am I awake? What day is it? Ohhhh. Bad night last night. Slept in my clothes because the night before, some transient, who I saw wandering up my long driveway a few weeks ago came back and did the same. I was alerted by the driveway 'alarms'. Those little beepers that go off when someone crosses the beam. Anyway, I didn't notice until late afternoon that THIS time, the creep had stolen TWO of my expensive solar driveway lights. That's about 40 bucks worth. I saw him on the monitor, but didn't figure he did anything, but I was wrong. I KNOW who he is by sight now.

So I had a choice, confront him the next time he happens by (he walks up and down my street with a buddy) or just let it go and remove ALL the lovely lights that mark 100 feet of my driveway for access to the 2 back houses. I opted for removing all the lights. Then I decided to wait and see if he would be back last night. Slept horribly but didn't see or hear anything. Sigh. Loved the look of those lights and they gave a nice lighted path in a narrow drive for the tenants. Why oh why do people steal from others, especially little stupid things in the yard. Nothing is safe. My neighbor had two huge 'african grasses' in big pots stolen a few weeks back. Another neighbor lost an entire 'castle' planter thingy.

Nothing is safe, nowhere is safe, no one is safe anywhere anytime. Guess it's just how the world is going.

I'm going out today to find something happy. Life can't be all bad, right? think


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019039
06/16/15 12:43 PM
06/16/15 12:43 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Wow, my morning has been busy and has flown by. Finally making it to a cuppa and the computer for the first time. Bright House is supposed to be here in a bit as the cable is still up and down. We shall see if they actually make it.

Boys are here, daughter is off to work. Son is keeping Miss Annie in his room. Temps are in the danger zone....98 with triple digit heat index.

Joe, sorry about your ear and your brother. Hope the floods find somewhere else to go.

Space wave

Venus, hope work is quick and painless.

Ana, wave

Haroula, hope your day is great.

Doc, so sorry dialysis has been rough. Hugs to you!

Gerry, what's up for you today?

Happy skooshing, Darlene.

Nan, anything fun on the docket?

Sorta, hope happy crosses your path frequently today.

Edit: And once again Bright House just doesn't bother to show up for a scheduled appointment. This apparently is their standard operating procedure! hardwall




Last edited by looney4labs; 06/16/15 03:10 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: looney4labs] #1019077
06/16/15 04:52 PM
06/16/15 04:52 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon everyone. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1019079
06/16/15 04:53 PM
06/16/15 04:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everybody. wave

I made it here, but we have another round of big rainfall coming. smirk

We're going to get dumped on with this tropical storm coming up this way. Maybe 6 inches or more. shocked

I won't mind the rain, but I know I'll lose internet service. I may try and go ahead and get tomorrow's diner posted for you now. yes

Have a nice evening everybody. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019086
06/16/15 05:24 PM
06/16/15 05:24 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Ride that storm out Joe. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019092
06/16/15 05:54 PM
06/16/15 05:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Afternoon, Space. How is Ohio today?

Joe, are you building your ark yet? Maybe this one will wash out a mongo point for you.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: looney4labs] #1019098
06/16/15 06:55 PM
06/16/15 06:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
looney,

It is cloudy but comfortable here today. happydance

How are things down south?


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019104
06/16/15 08:48 PM
06/16/15 08:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Oh, Space, it's sooooooo hot...98 actual temps with triple digit heat index. My AC hasn't cut of all day. June, July, August, September are months to avoid at all cost in Alabama puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: looney4labs] #1019112
06/16/15 09:13 PM
06/16/15 09:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
looney,

All I can say is that Mr. Carrier, the inventor of modern air conditioning, deserves to be rich.

Stay cool looney, smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019115
06/16/15 09:41 PM
06/16/15 09:41 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: venus] #1019117
06/16/15 10:25 PM
06/16/15 10:25 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's Toe Tapping Terrific Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019118
06/16/15 10:48 PM
06/16/15 10:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Oh my, I didn't post today.I really meant to. I hope you all had a pleasant day today. Tomorrow is my day off. yay L4L I hope tomorrow is cooler than today. That's way too hot. But for now I need to say good night. Sweet dreams all.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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