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Monday's Diner #1018775
06/14/15 07:01 PM
06/14/15 07:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.
~Casey Stengal

````````````````````````

World History According to Students


This history of the world has been compiled by Richard Lederer from actual student bloopers and mistakes collected by teachers.


The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked “Am I my brother’s son?” God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother’s birthmark. Jacob was a partiarch who brought up his twelve sons to be partiarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fougth with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Without the Greeks, we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns – Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in “The Illiad”, by Homer. Homer also wrote the “Oddity”, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History call people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself be fore her troops, they all shouted “hurrah.” Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In on of Shakespear’s famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote “Donkey Hote”. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote “Paradise Lost.” Then his wife dies and he wrote “Paradise Regained.”

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and the was called the 6cPilgrim’s Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porposies on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their pacels through the post without stamps. During the War, Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared “a horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married Matha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Them the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, “In onion there is strength.” Abraham Lincoln write the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called “Candy”. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are flaling off the trees.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorrilas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon’s flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inheret his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t bear him any children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. He reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pastuer discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturailst who wrote the “Organ of the Species”. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Well my one day weekend is over, it's over, IT'S OHHHHHVEEEER. cry Boo Hoo


Monday, Toothday, Wednay, Thumpday, and then I'll have one more day off. dance


My Monday starts at 5:30 of course. slapforehead


I hope you enjoyed those world history events, as told by students, as much as I did. yes


I always get a kick out of reading stuff like that and marveling that they could get so close and yet get it so wrong. snicker


I would find it very cute I suppose if they weren't college students. lol


Have a happy day everyone. bravo



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 06/14/15 07:03 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018776
06/14/15 07:07 PM
06/14/15 07:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Monday Joe and all my fellow Boomers. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018831
06/15/15 04:15 AM
06/15/15 04:15 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great day Joe, Space Quest and all who come in after me. wave

I'm off for a work whoosh and the start of a very long week. crazy

Have a great Monday, everyone. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018833
06/15/15 05:30 AM
06/15/15 05:30 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Hi all,have a happy Monday. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018834
06/15/15 06:09 AM
06/15/15 06:09 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, venus, Haroula and everyone. It's a rainy morning here. Coffee is ready. Happy Day wished for All! wave


Gerry
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018843
06/15/15 07:08 AM
06/15/15 07:08 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who come by later have a Great Monday. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: connie] #1018856
06/15/15 09:52 AM
06/15/15 09:52 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Monday's Diner goes easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018868
06/15/15 11:11 AM
06/15/15 11:11 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday Ya'll puppy

The dogs and I got up early to walk, but holy moly, it was 76 at 6:30 eek

TV is going up and down today. Called the company and they will get out here tomorrow. Gotta love Bright House lol

Daughter got in last night so we are on "alert" with Annie and Seagy. Right now, son took Annie into his room to cuddle on his bed so I can relax a bit. Bills are big on the schedule for the day.

Joe, love that history lesson. lol

Space, have a great day.

Venus, hope the long week is a fun one anyways.

Haroula wave

Gerry, Happy Day!

Connie, bacon sandwiches...wooo hoooo thanks

Happy skooshing, Darlene.

Off to feed dogs and cook books


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018877
06/15/15 11:43 AM
06/15/15 11:43 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
lol Well I thought I posted last night, but I guess I didn't.

I saw Jurassic World 3D yesterday and it was awesome! I highly recommend if you were a fan of the original.

Can't wait for the Blackhawks game tonight!

Have a happy day everyone!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018880
06/15/15 11:48 AM
06/15/15 11:48 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Awesome History lesson Joe! I'm having flashbacks to my days as a teacher. Ugh!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018883
06/15/15 11:54 AM
06/15/15 11:54 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning all. I'm a little late checking in today. I have the morning off so I was busy doing stuff around my apartment and cooking the books as L4L would say. I have to go to Kohl's to get Barbara a birthday gift, go to the bank to get a couple of check registers, birthday Barbara. Got to get going now. Have a great Monday everyone. Pay it forward for someone. It'll make you feel good. Connie....thanks for the BB pancakes, yummmm.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018891
06/15/15 12:10 PM
06/15/15 12:10 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe hope the week goes fast for ya!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Space have a lovely day!

venus hope work is fun and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smooth and you have a lovely day!

L4l I got up a little late so didn't check the temp. Well halfway through our walk Sassy lays down under a tree in the shade and was panting. Guess it was warmer then I thought but then while we were walking the clouds departed and the sun started shinning. lol Have a lovely day!

Midge birthday to Barbara!! Have a lovely day!

Ana good luck tonight!!! Glad you really enjoyed the movie!! I'll have to check it out since I loved the other one!

Abbi should be here in just a little bit. My daughter is coming for coffee and bring her!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018894
06/15/15 12:22 PM
06/15/15 12:22 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Nan, that is always a good indicator that it's hot out there. Have fun with Abbi wave

edit: Arghhh....Net, phone, tv all been off line....Bright House makes me so sad sad

Last edited by looney4labs; 06/15/15 03:39 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: looney4labs] #1018934
06/15/15 04:21 PM
06/15/15 04:21 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers.


Venus,

What did you think of the Orphan Black refund? grin


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1018949
06/15/15 06:13 PM
06/15/15 06:13 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Afternoon Boomers wave

Hope everyone is having a nice day flowers
its a beautiful day here sunny 82%

I'm off to dialysis~


Karen puppy spring


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018954
06/15/15 06:29 PM
06/15/15 06:29 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
@Space Quest, that was fantastic. rotfl

Karen, luck with your dialysis. Hope all goes well!

Glad to be home. happydance It's time for some quality kitty time. grin


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: venus] #1018958
06/15/15 06:50 PM
06/15/15 06:50 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Karen,

Did you get your MP3 player yet?


Venus,

One thing you can say about Helena is that she is a problem solver. grin


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018969
06/15/15 09:11 PM
06/15/15 09:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Dinner Dined. Dogs fed. Kitchen cleaned. Time for bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: looney4labs] #1018970
06/15/15 09:15 PM
06/15/15 09:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night looney. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018974
06/15/15 09:32 PM
06/15/15 09:32 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Space Quest, yes she's very efficient. grin

Sleep well, L4L.

I'm off to sleep as well. Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: venus] #1018976
06/15/15 10:07 PM
06/15/15 10:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1018979
06/15/15 10:38 PM
06/15/15 10:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Night everyone. I have another morning off. I don't have to be at work tomorrow until 5:00. I'm lovin the mornings off. Time for bed.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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