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Monday's Diner #1019698
06/21/15 11:54 PM
06/21/15 11:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.

``````````````````````````````



Here are a few excerpts of funny letters to landlords.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.

This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy

Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny color and not fit to drink.

It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

``````````````````````

These excuses were on accident claim forms of a major insurance company. Clients were asked for a brief statement describing their particular car accident, and this is what they wrote.

1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

2. I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.

3. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

4. The guy was all over the place. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

5. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

6. The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.

7. I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.

8. I was on my way to the doctor’s with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

9. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

10. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.

11. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

12. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

13. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.

14. When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.

15. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.

16. I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

17. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

18. The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

```````````````````````

Funny Letters to Government Agencies


1. Dear Sirs, please stop my assistance since I got a job begging in October

2. I am writing the Welfare Dept. to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?

3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothing for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

4. I cannot get sick pay. I have had 6 children. Can you tell me why?

5. I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.

6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?

7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead, as the man I am living with can’t do a thing until he knows.

8. I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my boy as illiterate. This is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.

9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which was a mistake as you can see.

11. Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

12. My husband got laid off from his job 2 weeks ago, and I haven’t had any relief since.

13. You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?

14. I have no children yet as my husband is a bus driver and works night and day.

15. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

16. I want my money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with a doctor for 2 weeks and he hasn’t done me any good. If things don’t improve I will have to send for another doctor.

(In response to the question, “Why have you applied for public assistance?”) My husband left me last month and I am in need of ass

`````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Whenever customers ask me for additional discounts on something they are buying at Lowe's, I tell them if it said "Joe's" on the building instead of Lowe's, I might be able to accommodate them. I can't do it even if I wanted to. duh


Here in Joe's diner however, I can do as I wish......pretty much. wink


It's been a super long day......again, and I'm very tired, but I got to speak to both my boys, so I'll go to bed happy. woot


The sooner I get to bed, the happier I'll be. penguin


After all, I am from the Sooner State now. snicker


Have a happy day everyone. rah


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 06/21/15 11:57 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019709
06/22/15 01:50 AM
06/22/15 01:50 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have a great day Joe and all. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019718
06/22/15 04:44 AM
06/22/15 04:44 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and everyone. Nice you got to talk to your boys Joe. Haroula have a good one. Coffee is on. Wishing All a peaceful day! wave


Gerry
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019727
06/22/15 07:19 AM
06/22/15 07:19 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. The B-B-Q was nice, but way too HOT. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Monday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019730
06/22/15 07:39 AM
06/22/15 07:39 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers: lab

Joe, glkad you had a good day!

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, enjoy whatever the day brings around.

Beautiful weather here today. Dog walking then have to get some grocery shopping done. Wishing everyone a super day! summer


Gail
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019740
06/22/15 09:36 AM
06/22/15 09:36 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, Gail, Connie, Gerry, Haroula and all to follow!

It wasn't supposed to storm until this afternoon but it's already getting dark. I will try and get my errands done before it hits.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1019741
06/22/15 09:45 AM
06/22/15 09:45 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and have a great Monday's Diner!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019754
06/22/15 11:26 AM
06/22/15 11:26 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe glad the boys called you!! Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie glad the BBQ was fun but sorry it was too hot. Thanks for the goodies and have a lovely day!

Gail glad it is nice weather there! Enjoy and have a lovely day!

Ana that storm starts north of here and goes all the way down to you. It is over for now here but I see some nasty cells almost by you. Be safe!! We had a little eye in the storm so was able to get out with Sassy but not for long and then the bottom fell out with winds and thunder and lightening!

Darlene may work go smooth and you have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019756
06/22/15 12:21 PM
06/22/15 12:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Daughter woke me up and we headed out with the 6 dogs. We did our shade to shade walk. Lil Soot looked a little limpy so we dropped him off after one lap, along with Annie and took the rest for another one.

Then home to cool off and feed everyone...Seagy thought that was not a good idea sad but she did eventually eat a Milk Bone. Doing laundry now, and sitting and surfing. Will have to hit the store later for some stuff for dinner.

Joe, when are you opening "Joes?" I'm glad you got to talk with your boys.

Haroula, wave

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. I can use it today.

Connie, our weatherman said "hottest day of the year so far". Staying in. You probably need to do the same.

Gail, have fun shoppity shopping!

Ana, happy errand-ing.

Happy skooshing, Darlene.

Nan, hope the storm passes quickly!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: looney4labs] #1019775
06/22/15 04:30 PM
06/22/15 04:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019781
06/22/15 04:43 PM
06/22/15 04:43 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon SpaceQ wave

DArlene wave

Nan, we have had a couple storms move through and it's just an unpleasant day all around. It's been a ridiculously wet June. I wish we could send it to those that need it.

L4L, you sure have a houseful! Is daughter home to stay?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1019802
06/22/15 09:10 PM
06/22/15 09:10 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. See you tomorrow.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019803
06/22/15 09:14 PM
06/22/15 09:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ana, no daughter is on her way to CO. She will leave at the end of the week.

I'm exhausted and heading to bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1019817
06/22/15 10:57 PM
06/22/15 10:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
At least she's in the states, L4L. I bet that makes you feel better.

Tornadoes touching down south of us. Glad we only had lots of rain and the worst moved south.

Ana sleep


Don't feed the Trolls
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