Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
– Thomas A. Edison
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Here are some more really funny sayings, witty quotes, cute and clever bumper sticker quotes, and interesting thoughts. Some are pretty funny, a few are hilarious, some are painfully true, and some are clever and witty. (and of course, some of these are pretty stupid sayings and dumb sayings that aren’t that amazing… )
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool
.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
You can’t have everything….where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
On the other hand you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword… get shot by those who don’t.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He’s not dead… he’s electroencephalographically challenged.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
When an old wives tale was first spoken, was it called a new wives tale, or a young wives tale??
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Top 10 Dumb Sports Quotes & Bloopers of All Time
1. Well, I see in the game in Minnesota that Terry Felton has relieved himself on the mound in the second inning. — Fred White, Kansas City Royals sportscaster, reading a wire-service summary that mistakenly showed the same starter and relief pitcher for the Minnesota Twins.
2. “I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” – Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
3. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.
4. “I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.”
-Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships.
5. “I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.”
-Boxing great Rocky Graziano
6. “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father”
-Greg Norman
7. “I’m rich. What am I supposed to do, hide it?”
-Detroit Tiger Lou Whitaker, arriving in a stretch limo for a players’ union meeting during the 1994 baseball strike.
8. “The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.”
Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
9. “I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side.” – soccer star David Beckham, asked if he was a “volatile” player.
10. “Half this game is ninety per cent mental.” – Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager.
Honorable mention:
“There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, ‘You never know.’”
-Pitcher Joaquin Andujar
“That’s why I don’t talk. Because I talk too much.”
-Joaquin Andujar
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Funny Courtroom Mistakes
Here are some funny courtroom mistakes based on actual transcripts
Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first
marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?
Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
What is your name?
Ernestine McDowell.
And what is your marital status?
Fair.
Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?
Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
I show you exhibit 3 and ask you
if you recognize that picture.
That’s me.
Were you present when that picture was taken?
So you were gone until you returned?
She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there girls?
You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?
Were you alone or by yourself.
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
Have you lived in this town all your life?
Not yet.
Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started
about 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time,
is that correct?
No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
How long have you been a French Canadian?
Are you married?
No, I’m divorced.
And what did your husband do
before you divorced him?
A lot of things I didn’t know about.
And who is this person you are speaking of?
My ex-widow said it.
Were you present in court this morning
when you were sworn in?
How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
Well, a gal down the road had had several
of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said
he was really good.
Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
I will be three months November 8th.
Apparently then, the date of conception
was August 8th?
Yes.
What were you and your husband doing at that time?
Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you
are emotionally unstable?
I used to be.
How many times have you comitted suicide?
Four times.
Were you aquainted with the deceased?
Yes, sir.
Before or after he died?
Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
Because he was argumentary and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.
What happened then?
He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Did he kill you?
No.
Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed
on dead people?
All my autopsies have been performed
on dead people.
Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
No.
What was he doing with the dog’s ears?
Picking them up in the air.
Where was the dog at this time?
Attached to the ears.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's almost midnight, and I'm drained again from a swell day at work. A fast paced life sucking day.
I'm home now though, and it sall good.
Having trouble staying wakey wakey though.
Gotta getta shower now.
I wish you all an amusing, joyful day.
joe
acebook
witter
Karen 
Have an easy peasy day!
Glad it was better once you made it home. 
