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Saturdiner #1021529
07/03/15 10:33 PM
07/03/15 10:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it’s often the same message: They hope it’s my last.
~Al Forman (former MLB umpire)

```````````````````````
What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
"Would you like fries with that?"

`````````````````````````

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

````````````````````````````

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"

``````````````````````

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus.
Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated, relieved and very proud of their story. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page...
WHICH TIRE? (95 points)

```````````````````````````

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.
"Well," said the chaffeur, "I've got a good idea. Why don't I give the speech since I've heard it so many times?'' So Albert's chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn't answer
"Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I'll let my chauffeur answer it!"

````````````````````````

DRIVERS EDUCATION EXAM ANSWERS

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your steering wheel.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

````````````````````````````````

Three criminals are sentenced to exile in the desert and can only bring one personal item.

"I brought a loaf of bread, so when I get hungry, I'll have something to eat," said the first criminal.

"I brought a water skin, so that when I get thirsty, I'll have something to drink," said the second.

The third criminal looks proud of himself. "I brought a car door, so when it gets hot, I can roll down the window."

``````````````````````


Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't have a clue what I was doing (as cited on the final exam). There were 80 multiple choice questions. For some reason I decided to play the game of probability and choose the letter "A" for everything. In that game, the only thing probable was that I failed.
The following day, the professor asked to see me after class. "Is everything okay?" "Sure," I said, "why? "Well, here's your test," he said and handed me a piece of paper that was covered with red ink. "Can you explain why you chose an 'A' for everything?"
Knowing that there was nothing I could do at this point, I said, "Well, I've always wanted to be an 'A' student."

````````````````````````

A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous. But when she received the test, she was relieved to find out that it was a True or False exam. Immediately, she reached into her purse and pulled out a coin. Each time she flipped the coin she would write down an answer. "What are you doing?" the professor asked her. "I'm figuring out the answers," the blonde replied.
To this, the professor just rolled his eyes and looked away. When she was done, the professor announced that there were five minutes left to go. "Oh my god!" she said in an excited voice, and started to flip the coin as fast as possible.

````````````````````````
A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

````````````````````````

A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Butt."

The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."

The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Butt."

The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."

The girl exclaims, "Glad Ass -- Happy Butt -- what's the difference?"

````````````````````````````

Greetings Earthlings. wave


Welcome to the weekend diner, Saturday edition. thumbsup


I'm your host joe schmo from kokomo, and I'm here for your surfing pleasure. monky


While you pleasure yourself.......surfing......I'm just going to go take a little cat nap, since I've been up since 3:30. sherlock


I had to go to the bank today at lunch, and I missed my mid-day nap. pacify


I get cranky when that happens. smirk


You wouldn't like me when I'm cranky. taz


Have a super day everyone. wink



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021536
07/03/15 11:14 PM
07/03/15 11:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and all! Happy and safe 4th of July to all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1021539
07/03/15 11:39 PM
07/03/15 11:39 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
4th to all my fellow Boomers. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021541
07/03/15 11:42 PM
07/03/15 11:42 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, you're entertaining even when cranky. lol Hope you get a nap in tomorrow. grin

Have a fantastic 4th of July, Ana!

4th to you as well, Space Quest!

It was yet another crazy, busy week, and I'm happy to finally have a day off! rah No plans for tomorrow, but I'm fine with that, as I need my relaxing time. I'm sure they'll be plenty of fireworks to watch provided by our neighbors anyway. grin I do plan to sing and game, however. thumbsup

Hope everyone who has a holiday has a terrific one. 4th Hope everyone here has a terrific Saturday. summer

Last edited by venus; 07/03/15 11:42 PM.

Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021544
07/04/15 12:14 AM
07/04/15 12:14 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Have a great day SpaceQ and Venus!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021550
07/04/15 02:58 AM
07/04/15 02:58 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have a great day all. wave
4th


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021561
07/04/15 06:20 AM
07/04/15 06:20 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
wave 4th Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, venus, Haroula and everyone. Coffee is ready. I went to the dentist yesterday to have a loose crown fixed on a wisdom tooth, but instead had to have the tooth pulled! Doing okay today. Taking Penicillin for 10 days. Glad we are staying hometoday. Wishing you all a great day! 4th wave


Gerry
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021570
07/04/15 07:29 AM
07/04/15 07:29 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
4th to everyone. Have a happy and safe 4th. I have to work the 5 to 8 shift but I'm sure it will last later than 8:00. The Blisses have family staying with them. Last night I drove home in tears I was so very tired and my back hurt so much. I didn't get out of there until 9:00. I'm hoping it'll be easier tonight. See you all later.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021575
07/04/15 07:57 AM
07/04/15 07:57 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. 4th to all my Diner friends. No plans today. Robert went on a camping, fishing weekend with Chuck. Cindy, Tammy, and I, went in the Hot Tub last night for the first time. It was Wonderful and relaxing. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and French Toast in the NC. USA


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021580
07/04/15 08:30 AM
07/04/15 08:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers USA 4th

A safe and happy Fourth wished to everyone. 4th


Gail
Re: Saturdiner [Re: GBC] #1021582
07/04/15 08:58 AM
07/04/15 08:58 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
It is a beautiful morning here. I hope it is nice where you are too. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021618
07/04/15 11:00 AM
07/04/15 11:00 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
It's a lovely day here too SpaceQ! I slept in because its going to be a long day here.

Haroula how is your dad doing?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021629
07/04/15 12:10 PM
07/04/15 12:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

How are you all doing? Hubby got me up so we could get the doggies out for a walk. It was cooler but holy moly, I was tired....hubby was not sure I was gonna make it up those hills. We did it but it was a struggle. Then home to make smoothies. Hubby fed the doggies and I finally got down to sit and surf a bit.


4th


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: looney4labs] #1021631
07/04/15 12:29 PM
07/04/15 12:29 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope your Saturdiner goes easy peasy for you!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

USA 4th

Happy Fourth of July!

Off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Darlene] #1021644
07/04/15 01:22 PM
07/04/15 01:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Sounds good Ana. Please send that nice weather this way. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021674
07/04/15 05:01 PM
07/04/15 05:01 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Happy 4th to all. We got started early this week with M80's being exploded up the side street and last night and today, the same PLUS huge rockets being shot into the intersection (50 ft from me) with horribly loud bangs. I still love fireworks, but with the fire danger AND the DA's big announcement on TV about NOT shooting fireworks it's amazing that some people still do it.

I can hardly wait till tonight around 9 pm when the 'legal' fireworks go off just a block away, AND of course 3 or so places on our street where they will try to rival those with their own illegal ones. Why they would take the chance of a 50k fine or a year in jail is beyond me. AND if anyone is caught starting a fire with their fireworks, they will be charged with the costs, so says the DA. I have yet to see any of our local cops (yep the do nothing ones) do anything about illegal fireworks.

Fireworks (even sparklers)are strictly forbidden in all San Diego County and Cities.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1021682
07/04/15 06:11 PM
07/04/15 06:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
I don't know about the rest of you but my doggie hates the fireworks. She gets so scared so I try to keep her inside tonight.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021686
07/04/15 07:02 PM
07/04/15 07:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Yea, used to love this holiday but with all the fireworks which freak out my dogs, and this year we have thunderstorms too. Poor doggie hardwall


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021687
07/04/15 07:22 PM
07/04/15 07:22 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 408
B.C. Canada
copper Offline
Settled Boomer
copper  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 408
B.C. Canada
Happy Independence Day from Canada to all USA Gameboomers.
Copper


Copper
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021694
07/04/15 08:34 PM
07/04/15 08:34 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
The little demons who were shooting off the fireworks at 15 minute intervals or so, decided to do a grand finale and shoot off about 6 in a row. Not a grand idea since earlier, a police car slowly cruised the street obviously looking for whoever was making the big bangs. Guess he didn't find them. They are clever. Hide behind cars and bushes, with a lookout who whistles if anyone is coming (car or on foot). Then they all run out, light the fuses and run back to the hiding places. What fun. Only problem I have is the errant rocket which sometimes ends up in my yard where, since the drought, we have been forbidden to water. Dry grass, high winds, just takes a tiny spark.

But in the midst of it all, the guy up the street who is LEARNING to fly his new drone, had a boo boo and hard landed it in my neighbor's yard right across from me. Was awesome. HUGE dirt cloud, lots of people running down the street. Then explanations and laughing. It's going to be a great 4th if we all live through it. rotfl


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1021697
07/04/15 08:49 PM
07/04/15 08:49 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
luck Sorta lol


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1021716
07/05/15 12:06 AM
07/05/15 12:06 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night sleep


Don't feed the Trolls
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