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#1021699 - Yesterday at 09:02 PM Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30484
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
The man who can’t dance thinks the band is no good.
~Polish Proverb

````````````````````````

Did you hear that nursing homes are starting to give Viagra to the old men living there?
It's to keep them from rolling out of bed.

````````````````````

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."
The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

`````````````````

A woman goes to the gynecologist for an exam. She puts her feet into the stirrups and the doctor begins his exam.

After a moment, he says, "You have an unusually deep vagina."

The woman replies, "You don't have to say it twice."

The doctor says, "I didn't."

`````````````````````````

Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?

A: Wet noses.

``````````````````````````````

Why did the gynecologist go to the eye doctor?
Because things were looking a little fuzzy.

``````````````````````

Dermatologist: Good News my dear, aftr looking through your test results I'm happy to report you will no longer be plagued by pimples.
Girl: Wow! That's great! Why?
Dermatologist: There's no more space.

``````````````````

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"

```````````````````````

Q: Why did the cat go to the hospital?
A: To a CAT scan.

````````````````````````

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?! Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"
God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

````````````````````````

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted children, but didn't know how to go about it. Questions and conversations with friends and relatives proved no help, until a neighbor said they should go to town and ask the Big City Doctor. The doctor let them look at a child's book about where babies came from, but to no avail. He tried his own explanation but was met with blank stares. Exasperated, he took them to his private office, and showed them a porno movie. This was also useless. Angrily, he ordered the girl to strip, told the man to watch, and had sex with her on the couch.
''Now, do you understand?'' he asked.
''I just have one question. How many times a week do I have to bring her in for this?''

``````````````````````````````

A guy is in the hospital with two broken legs. The nurse comes in and tells him that there's good news and bad news.

The guy asks for the bad news first.

The nurse says, "We're going to have to remove your legs."

Then the guy asks for the good news.

The nurse says, "The guy beside you wants to buy your sneakers."

``````````````````````````

Nurse: Doctor, Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room!
Doctor: Well, go in there and tell him I can't see him!!

```````````````````````

A guy goes to the psychiatrist wearing shorts made of clear plastic wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

```````````````````
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." The doctor replies, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt."
Two months later, she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down. He asks, "Where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch; I'm chewing bubble gum."

``````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


The big day has arrived. I'm going to hunt some heads. woot


I sure hope they're not still attached to the body. dance BODDA BOOM!


We're supposed to have a 60% chance for rain. I hope it doesn't do it before noon.


We had a ferocious rain Friday morning, all morning long, and I hoping that it washed up a passel of points. happydance


As you can clearly see I have high hopes for the day. lol


So...I have to be at my bud's house at 6:30, so I've gotta get off now and get myself to bed asap. yes


I have high hopes for tomorrow, but it looks like a so/so night. snicker


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup



joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#1021706 - Yesterday at 10:04 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6126
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Happy Fourth to everybody 4th I haven't been here for awhile I have a lot going on!Joe hope the rain holds off! Coffee is brewing wishing you all a great Sunday summer
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#1021710 - Yesterday at 10:58 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: cailyn]
Space Quest Fan Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 10603
Loc: Columbus,Ohio
Have a great Sunday Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#1021715 - Today at 12:02 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 67228
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, all the best for today! Have fun with Shane!

Sue, I am so glad to see you here! I hope life slows down for you. hearts

SpaceQ have a happy day!

Have a great day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1021721 - Today at 05:31 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 18554
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave USA Good Morning Joe, Sue, SpaceQ, Ana and everyone. Joe happy hunting! Sue it's great to have you back. I've been thinking of you. Hope things are better for you. SpaceQ enjoy your day. Ana hope the pups have calmed down. Coffee is ready. Happy Day to Everyone. USA wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#1021728 - Today at 07:41 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: Kaki's Sister]
Space Quest Fan Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 10603
Loc: Columbus,Ohio
Bacon time. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#1021729 - Today at 07:42 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8458
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Sunday. Danish, Omelets, Sausage, Bacon, Hash Browns, Pancakes, and Toast in the NC. USA
_________________________
Connie

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#1021740 - Today at 10:16 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 6019
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hi, everyone. A little bit of a quick post this morning, since I want to make sure I get my singing practice in early. Hope everyone has a terrific Sunday. summer
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1021761 - Today at 11:20 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 67228
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hi ho, Hi Ho. it's off on the bike I go. laugh

Happy trails....
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1021763 - Today at 11:35 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7872
Loc: San Diego, CA
So just when I thought the neighborhood fireworks were over...

All day, fireworks going off. Little pops, HUGE roaring bangs, that shook the house and set off car alarms. They sounded like mortar rounds going off. Not kidding.

The police drove by slowly ONCE. Then it was time for the big show at the golf course just 2 small streets over. When it started, there was a 'go go go!! Two men ran from our side of the street where they had been partying with the roofer's kids just 2 doors down. People with Blue flashlights (like the airport control guys) were at either end of the street signaling.

In about 1 minute, we had the HUGEST show of our own. I counted, 15 HUGE, not kidding, as big as the professional type, glorious exploding rockets right in front of our houses. Ohhhhhh! The guy up the street who loves fireworks outdid himself this year. Have you ever seen the firework rockets at GROUND LEVEL??? Well the things were about 30 feet wide and about that high in big balls. Really huge stuff. Can't imagine being any closer. Scary too. Almost like being INSIDE the explosion. Wow. So far as I know, nobody got hurt, nothing burned, and we all enjoyed the show. Not one police car drove by in 2 full hours. Amazing how that works. All that after the major warnings of what would happen to you if you dared shoot off illegal fireworks. I think they were bluffing. I saw not one report of any arrests for fireworks this morning.

As for our usual free fireworks show which we sit and watch from our front porch, they had a slight glitch last night. Halfway through, there was the usual semi-finale firing. Then nothing, it just stopped. 15 minutes later, a small display started, and then nothing. I think they had some problems. No grand finale. Darn. But the local display, way too close for comfort, made up for any lack of excitement.

So what is this guy going to do next year? I am scared to imagine.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1021772 - Today at 12:33 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: Sorta Blonde]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9719
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope you and your friend have a fantastic Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's! woot

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Easy peasy day planned... smile

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#1021776 - Today at 12:48 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2329
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Wow!!!!!!!!! Sorta that's funny. I bet you aged 10+ years hahahahaha Well that's a 4th to remember. my 4th was quite tame after yours. Half my family came over and we shot off fireworks and was a most decent display and we ate and ate and ate -oh the food- and the best of it alot of it is in my fridge so no eatin' probs for a few days. /like vacation.

Kits are doing most great -soaking up das suess leben and how -my yard had gone to the weeds again -oh well.

Women's soccer finals, hope we win
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#1021778 - Today at 12:54 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 43562
Loc: Alabama
Supercalifragilisticexpialidoicous Sunday ya'll puppy

We survived the storms and the fire works. Now a day to enjoy the quiet.

Joe, luck

Sue, glad you stopped in. Been missing you.

Space, have a great day!

Ana, have a great day on the bike.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. Hope your day is full of flavor.

Connie, I'm heading for the bacon and the hash browns thanks

Venus, go make beautiful music.

Sorta, are sure your neighborhood is not ground central for a reality show?

Darlene, hope the "foot" you find is a fun one wink

Yankee, sounds like ya'll had a great time!

wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1021789 - Today at 02:33 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: looney4labs]
Space Quest Fan Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 10603
Loc: Columbus,Ohio
So far we are rain free so it is lab time for me. smile
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#1021797 - Today at 03:35 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7872
Loc: San Diego, CA
L4L I think you just explained it all. I'm caught up in a REALITY show like that movie, The Truman Show. That's it! This is all a staged, arranged, choreographed movie! I should have known. No one can go through so many weird things in one small neighborhood by accident, right? OH goody, now I can rest...not. Ugh. Stuff still happening.

Great day at Wally Mart. Got a parking spot right up front, got in, got all my stuff, got out, got home. No incidents. Hooray!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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