A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
~Fred Allen
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Q: Why did the belt get locked up?
A: He held up a pair of pants.
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Q: Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
A: It kept saying, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
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Q: What did Cinderella say when she left the photo store?
A: "Someday my prints will come."
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A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" The priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father." Said the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
Is THAT when you swore?" asked the Father again.
"Well, no." said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed Priest.
"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient Priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
"You missed the #*%#@* putt, didn't you?" sighed the Priest.```````````````````````````
Q: What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a computer?
A: Hairy Reasoner.
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Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
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Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a good looking prostitute. She sees him and calls out, “Fifty dollars!”
He's tempted, but the price is a little high so he calls back, “Five!”
She's disgusted and turns away while Bill continues his jog. A few days later, he finds himself jogging in the same area and as luck would have it, the prostitute is still there. But she won't come down on her price. “Fifty!” she shouts.
Bill answers her, “Five!” No sale.
About a week later, Hillary has decided that she wants to get into shape so she demands to go jogging with Bill. They get to the seedy part of town and the same prostitute is still there. She eyes Bill and Hillary together and yells, “See what you get for five dollars!”
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Q: What do you get when you play country music backwards?
A: You get back your wife, your dog and your truck.
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Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
A: He's the one with the sesame-seed buns.
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Q: How did Helen Keller parents punish her?
A: They rearranged the furniture.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Looks like the party's over.
It may as well be, the weekend is over.
Back to work at 5:00am. It's hard to get excited about.............well, anything today.
Anyway here is your first diner of the new week.
Would you like some fries with it??
Have a happy meal 
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
for the laughs Joe. 
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana and Boomers. Joe maybe you will have better luck hunting next time. SpaceQ enjoy your day. Ana hope you are not sore today after that ride. Coffee is ready. Wishing All a great day! 
Ryan.. I feel bad that I couldn't go to the party. I did talk to him on the phone. He's just too cute. Rob's whole family is staying at the family camp for the week so I won't see them until next Saturday. I miss them already.