He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
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Tina, whose popularity among the boys was unparalleled, paid a visit to Dr. Paes.
Doctor Paes told her she was pregnant. He then added, "I know you are dating several guys. Do you know who the father is?"
Tina was quick to retort, "If you gulped up a can of Bush's baked beans, would you figure out which bean is responsible for the gas?"
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Father Reynold was having a conversation with a group of kids about how good behavior could help them go to Heaven. When he had finished, he asked them, "Where does everyone here want to go?"
Little Tina remarked, "Heaven!"
Father Reynold asked, "And what should you be to be able to get there?"
Little Harry replied, "Dead!"
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Jeremy retired after 38 years of his career. He had amassed USD 10,000,000 which was a result of hard work, being meticulous, proper planning, integrity, dedication, competence, smart investment. And the death of his maternal aunt who left him USD 9,999,999.
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When Robbie returned from school, his grandad asked, "What did they teach you in school today?"
"I don't know" replied Robbie, "but the teacher kept talking about principles. I didn't understand one word."
Grandad said, "That's not difficult to understand. I will tell you what it is. Say, I buy stuff at the supermarket, and the cashier gives me more change by mistake, my predicament would be whether to keep it
for myself or follow my principles and give it to Grandma."
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Dorothy visited a shrink and told him, "Whenever I lie down on the bed, I get this mind-numbing fear that something is below the bed."
The shrink said, "I have treated many phobias but this seems to be a unique case. But do not worry, I will help you get rid of it."
Dorothy said, "Thank you. How many sessions will it take?"
The shrink replied,"Probably 20 to 25. It will cost 75 pounds per session but by the end of it, you would be completely cured."
When Dorothy did not turn up for the first session, the shrink called her. "Why didn't you come?", he asked.
Dorothy replied, "When I informed the cost of the treatment to my husband, he found an immediate solution to save the money. He used a saw to cut the legs of the bed."
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Dan entered the Metro and immediately attracted attention. His hair was spiked and was dyed pink and blue. His clothes were torn. He was wearing his jeans way below the waist. He had a nose ring and several earrings. There were big feathers attached to a bandana that he was sporting.
Dan took a seat across from an old fella who keeps staring at him for a long time.
Agitated, Dan said, "What are you staring at, you old geezer, did you never do anythin wild in your youth?"
The old guy shot back, "Of course I did. I was on a sales trip to Bangkok and I did it to a parrot once. Looks like you're my son!"
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Mrs. Robbins, known to be extremely fussy, goes to D-Mart to buy some fresh fruits.
She says to the girl behind the counter, "I want three kilos of pears. Kindly wrap each pear separately in plastic.
The girl behind the counter silently fulfills the customer's demand.
The lady then checks some apples and says to the girl behind the counter, "I would also like to take 2 kilos of fresh apples. Please pack each apple separately in plastic."
Irritated, yet composed, the girl behind the counter obliges Mrs. Robbins again.
Mrs. Robbins, pointing her finger towards a basket inquires, "And what is there in that basket over that side?"
"Grapes", says the girl behind the counter, quickly adding, "but those are rotten!"
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There was a ruler of a dynasty who called upon his deputy. When the deputy arrived, the ruler said to him, "I know there are lot of intelligent people in our kingdom. Similarly, there should also be no dearth of fools."
The deputy answered, "I am sure there would be many, sire."
The ruler then said, "I want you to search the kingdom and find me 5 such fools."
The deputy said he would, and left the ruler's court. The deputy was perplexed with the task of finding fools. He wondered how would he ever manage to catch hold of 5 fools.
The deputy returned to the court after four weeks and presented 2 men before the ruler.
The ruler said, "I think I wanted to see 5 fools. Why have you brought only 2 men?"
The deputy said, "Please let me explain, sire. I searched the length and breadth of the Kingdom. I found this fellow carrying a heavy bag of wheat on his head while he was seated in a mule-driven cart. When I asked him why he had not placed the bag on the cart, he replied that it would add to the mule's burden. I realized I had found the 5th candidate in the list of fools and brought him here."
The ruler said, "Good. What about the next guy?"
The deputy continued, "I found this other fellow feeding sweets to his cow so that it delivers sweet milk. I knew I had found the 4th candidate in the fools' list."
The ruler said, "All right. What about the other two fools?"
The deputy replied, "When there are so many social & economic problems to resolve in this kingdom, I am wasting my time looking for fools in this kingdom. Thereby, I am the 3rd fool."
The ruler laughed and said, "Ok, who is next?"
The deputy replied, "When our enemies are knocking at our doorstep,and instead of attending to security issues and issues related to the welfare of the people of this dynasty, you are looking out for fools, that makes you the 2nd candidate in the list of fools."
The entire court went into silence.
The ruler said, "You are right and I appreciate your courage. Tell me, who is the 1st fool?"
The deputy replied, "Sire, when there is so much work to finish at office and at home, the one who is reading this joke leaving aside everything else is the 1st fool!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
It is 12:25 and I can hear my pillow and mattress are calling me in unison.
I can't get through one sentence without dozing off a couple of times.
Thank goodness for the snoring.
It keeps waking me back up.
Speaking of 'back up", I sat down here to write this, and now I have to get back up and go to bed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, and everyone. Hope you all have a peaceful summer day! 
Ana. I hope the rain stops for you.
tomorrow.