It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.
James Gordon, M.D.
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Q. Why is Facebook so successful?
A. The secret of it's success - it works on the theory that people find other people's lives more interesting than their own.
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Tip to recognize where a driver comes from
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Has to be from Chicago.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Has to be from New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Has to be from New Jersey.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Has to be from Boston.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Has to be from Los Angeles.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Has to be from Ohio, but driving in California.
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Has to be from Italy.
8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Has to be from Seattle.
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Has to be from Texas.
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: Has to be from West Virginia.
11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Has to be from Florida.
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A group of biologists are traveling in a truck to conduct some research in a hilly region, when the driver loses control of the vehicle. The truck overturns and runs down the hills, crashing at the bottom & killing all the biologists.
All of them arrive in Heaven. They are all asked a question, "If you are in your casket and you could hear your friends and family mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy who is a good botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the best botanists of all time, and left an eternal contribution to the world of botany."
The second guy who is an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations."
The third guy, who is a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "
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Teacher: “Jasper, what is this thing they call Twitter?”
Jasper: “What do you think it is, Mam?”
Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”
Jasper: “I don’t think I know either, Mam!”
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Peter had planned on watching the football game with his friend Harry.
Peter arrived late and the game had already started. Harry asked him, "What kept you?"
Peter replied, "I could not make up my mind between going to church and going to the football game. So I tossed a coin."
"So what took you so long?" asked Harry.
Peter answered,"I had to toss it 40 times."
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The teacher was discussing natural history with her class of eight-year old kids.
She began by saying, "Do you know Worker ants can carry food particles that are five times their own weight. What is to be learnt from this?"
A kid raised his hand and replied: "They don't have a union."
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Sam : You know what, it's really easy to get a divorce in the Middle East. A man is just required to say "I divorce you" to his wife 3 times and it's done!
Jack : It's even easier in the US. All a man has to say is "Yeah, that dress makes your butt look fat" once.
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There was a bank robbery and the Chief of Police ordered the sergeant to cover all exit points so that none of the robbers could get away.
When the Sergent reported to the Chief that all the robbers had escaped, the Chief went mad with anger & shouted, "Didn't I tell you to cover all the exit points??"
"I did," defended the sergeant, "but they managed to escape through the entrance."
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Sandy said to his friend Ron, 'My wife sent me to the greengrocer's to buy some green vegetables."
'So were you able to find some?" asked Ron.
'Well, when I reached the shop, I asked the manager, 'My wife wants some green vegetables. Have they been sprayed with any harmful chemicals?''
Sandy continued, 'The shopkeeper told me, 'No, why don't you do it yourself.'
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Are things that do not concern an elephant irrelephant?
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Top 10 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's a new day, and the first day of the rest of my work week..........meaning Monday.
If I were any happier you would see a smile on my face.
I went to the creek the other day. The one that came before this one.
I spent about 3 hours and found nothing but a fractured base, and a whole lotta heat. I can't take any more of that, so I probably won't be going back to the creek this Summer.
That frees up a lot of time for doing other things, like nothing.
Next to sleeping, it's my favorite past time.
Speaking of sleeping.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Of course.
I agree that doing nothing is a fantastic way to pass the time. 
Next week should be considerably calmer. Also, I've been making sure to get my singing practice in every day. I should be meeting my voice teacher again, starting in August, and I want to make sure my voice is in shape.
