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Monday's Diner #1024020
07/19/15 11:34 PM
07/19/15 11:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Men don't get cellulite. God just might be a man.
Rita Rudner

`````````````````````````

In London there's a new service that delivers the morning-after pill to your home by bicycle messenger. And to make sure you don't regret your decision, the pills will be delivered by a kid who is an obnoxious jerk.

``````````````

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.

"In a closet," he replied. "I wanted to know what life really is."

"And have you found an answer?"

"Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge."

"That's all well and good," replied the colleague, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"

"Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge."

````````````````````````

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves.

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves.. by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied , "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this stuff but me!"

```````````````````````````````

A Swede man goes to a lumber yard to buy some 2x4 lumber.

The salesman of the yard asked the Swede: “How long do you want them?”

The Swede: “For quite a long time, I am building a house with them.”

```````````````````````

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.

"No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."

As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked.

"Oh yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."

``````````````````````

One day Dean came home from his office and the first thing he did was to shoot his dog. Martin, his neighbor and friend saw this and asked the reason.

Dean said: “An unknown person called my office and informed me that my best friend was fooling around with my wife.”

Martin was mighty relieved.

```````````````````````````

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98."

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150 .

`````````````````````

Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a group of natives.

"Greetings! How is it going?" says the visiting anthropologist.

"Wonderful!" says the other, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

He points at a palm tree and says, "what is that?"
The natives, in unison, say "Umbalo-gong!"
He then points at a rock and says, "and that?"
The natives again intone "Umbalo-gong!"

"You see!", says the beaming anthropologist, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished visiting anthropologist, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

```````````````````````````

The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed.

He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised."

She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."

```````````````````````````

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45"!!

````````````````````````````

A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?"

"I should let you know first that I am a policeman."

"That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"

`````````````````````````````

Wayne was returning home from a business trip... bags in hand ... and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage.

Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. “Get in,” the driver ordered. “I’ll take you to your car.”

Startled, Wayne took a step backward. “Ah ... no thanks,” he answered.“ I can get there myself.”

“No,” the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door. “Get In !”

Wayne’s eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a security guard.

Just then, the driver’s face softened ..... “Please,” he said, “I’ve been driving up and down for two hours. I can’t find a space to park and I want yours.

```````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Like sands through the hour glass, so are the nights of our lives. taz


Like molasses in Winter, so are the hot days of Summer. lol


That's about as deep as I can get this time of night. I haven't been up this late in a few days. razz


I'm ready to get my bottle and put myself to beddie-bye. pacify


I like drinking while I'm laying down, so when I pass out I won't fall and hurt myself.


Unless I fall out of bed that of course. rolleyes


Have a happy day everyone.



joe





Last edited by gymcandy1; 07/19/15 11:36 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024026
07/20/15 02:00 AM
07/20/15 02:00 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning all,have a happy day. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024032
07/20/15 02:38 AM
07/20/15 02:38 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
RebKean Offline
Settled Boomer
RebKean  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
Good morning and even a good day (later) from another Swede Joe. wink
No house to build, oh wait perhaps it's time to build one in Skyrim again?
Or in The Sims?

If you're wondering, yes I'm almost too tired to know how not funny I am. lol

Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024037
07/20/15 05:13 AM
07/20/15 05:13 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula, RebKean and everyone. Coffee is ready. It's going to be another 90+ degrees today with high humidity! Staying cool and watching the Tour De France. Happy Day wished for All! summer wave


Gerry
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024040
07/20/15 05:30 AM
07/20/15 05:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
RebKean Offline
Settled Boomer
RebKean  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
Let's see, 90 degrees farenheit is 32 degrees celsius. And high humidity on top of that, I'm sorry for you all. We had that kind of heat e few weeks ago here in Sweden, and it's so horrible.
I did't really understand how hot many of you have it over there.
It's not that hot here right now, it's about 60 degrees farenheit and I'm loving it.
Not summer-weather exactly, but I've rather be cold that hot.

Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024043
07/20/15 05:33 AM
07/20/15 05:33 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hello Boomers! Wishing all of you a great day!

Mary wave hearts


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024044
07/20/15 05:40 AM
07/20/15 05:40 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning Mary and all. Mary it's so good to see you in the diner today. I hope you're taking it easy.

Midgiehearts


Just do it.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024050
07/20/15 07:33 AM
07/20/15 07:33 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Mary, I'm happy to see you are doing well Hugs. hearts To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful start to the new week. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024051
07/20/15 07:35 AM
07/20/15 07:35 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers summer

Joe, have a good one!

Haroula, happy day wishes to you!

RebKean, enjoy whatever the day brings your way.

Mary, nice to see you here. Enjoy the day!

Gerry, coffee is needed.

Midgie, have a great day. Stay cool.

Another Hot and Humid day! To all who are struggling with the heat I'm wishing a cooling off. penguin

oops! Connie, almost missed my Danish. lol


Last edited by GBC; 07/20/15 07:36 AM.

Gail
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: GBC] #1024078
07/20/15 09:55 AM
07/20/15 09:55 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and have a wonderful Monday's Diner!

hearts Mary, so happy to see you in the Diner! hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Had wonderful rain over the weekend! So much needed!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024079
07/20/15 09:56 AM
07/20/15 09:56 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! Just a flyby for the moment to wish you all a good day!

RebKean, good to see you in the Diner wave

Mary, how wonderful you stopped in. I hope you are doing well. hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024086
07/20/15 10:45 AM
07/20/15 10:45 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
RebKean Offline
Settled Boomer
RebKean  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
I'm always surprised, you guys have to to be the nicest ones ever!?
It's great to step into the diner or anywhere really.
Haha, I know I'm still new but I'm still a bit stunned over the fact that this is such a nice place to be in. All my best thoughts to you all! =)

Re: Monday's Diner [Re: RebKean] #1024088
07/20/15 11:08 AM
07/20/15 11:08 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

MsMary!!! YAAAAA!!! Good to see you, and I hope you are feeling very good. kissy

Welcome to the diner RebKean. wave

Yes people here are very caring, and sharing, wonderful people. yes

I have to go in at 1:00 to close tonight. I just took Baby for a walk, and it's already heating up. It's 87 degrees now and feels like 93. We are going up to 99 degrees today. shocked

I was going to jump on my mower and mow the lawn, but I believe I'll pass on that notion. I waited too late, and I don't want to have to shower again before I go to work. razz

I hope it's a super day for all GameBoomers. woot

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024093
07/20/15 11:27 AM
07/20/15 11:27 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Hubby is on the road again. We are hiding from the heat and contemplating what I should clean think

Joe, you crack me up. Thanks! You know if you cut it, it will just grow back, right whistle

Haroula, how is your dad?

RebKean, yes, the heat and humidity together are not fun, but thank God most have air conditioninglol When I was a kid no one had it, and we just lived outside where it was cooler. No wonder we all knew each other better then. Stop in more often, please.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Mary, so good to see you....

Midgy, easy day for you?

Connie, yep a new day and a new week. Hope it's a fun one!

Gail, what's up for you today?

Darlene, happy skooshing!

Ana, have fun whatever you are doing.

No Nan?







Last edited by looney4labs; 07/20/15 11:27 AM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024096
07/20/15 11:43 AM
07/20/15 11:43 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Rain, we got some measurable rain in the last 3 days. Neat. NOW our annual rainfall exceeds the 'norm'. So just what does that mean for our DROUGHT? Nothing. The powers that be are still mandating we all tear our our lawns and not water anything after early morning and late at night AND of course, they just sent us a 'proposed' RATE hike. Sure they did. We all conserved so much that now they have to raise our rates to compensate for the lost revenue. What a hoot. AND all the 'drought resistant' plants in the stores are twice the price they were. Yup, someone profits from all of this 'we are running out of drinking water' panic. Hate when that happens. At least the rain will water some of the things they won't let us water without penalty. THEN what will they do? If the 'lawn patrol' sees green, will they cite us for non-compliance? Betcha.

In other news, HUMID. Ugh. No breeze right now so the warm, still, air is oppressive. Well, not like it is in other areas of the country, but we are so spoiled, we get to complain about every little thing. rotfl


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024097
07/20/15 11:52 AM
07/20/15 11:52 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula I hope your dad continues to improve. Have a lovely day!

RebKean welcome to Joe's Diner!!! Enjoy the cooler temps!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Mary!!!!!!!! Great you could stop by and are home now to continue to mend! Sending HUGS and Prayers!! Have a lovely day!

Midge may work be fun and you have a lovely day!

Gail hope you can get a dog walk in before it is too hot. Have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the goodies and have a lovely day!

Darlene glad you had a rainy weekend and that it helped the drought some. Have a lovely day!

Ana may you have fun whatever comes up to do! Have a lovely day!

L4l sending that Band of Angels around hubby as he travels to his moms. May he have a safe trip there and back home! Have a lovely day!!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024129
07/20/15 02:59 PM
07/20/15 02:59 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
RebKean Offline
Settled Boomer
RebKean  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
Looney, air condition is not very common over here, YET. I'm pretty sure it will be, if the summers keep bringing this kind of heat. We have 4 fans in the apartment, but as I said, I'm sure that we will by an air condition in the future. It's horrible, and I can't believe you all survive in it!
Well, perhaps you all stay in and talk on GB, haha. =)

Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024135
07/20/15 03:58 PM
07/20/15 03:58 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi L4L wave I'm headed back to work in a few. They have A/C but he keeps it at 74 which isn't cool enough for me. They have a very large old house and only 2 A/C's for the kitchen and Barbara's bedroom. That's not nearly enough. Not looking forward to my 5 to 8 shift.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: Midge] #1024136
07/20/15 04:20 PM
07/20/15 04:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Wow you can barely get a seat in here today.

It is great to see you in the Diner again Mary. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024164
07/20/15 10:14 PM
07/20/15 10:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I need to call it a night. One more split shift then a welcomed day off. I hope you all had a good day off. Night all. See you tomorrow.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Monday's Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1024166
07/20/15 10:29 PM
07/20/15 10:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Night, Midgy, hope the shifts tomorrow are fun wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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