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Sunday's Sundowner Diner #1025012
07/25/15 10:36 PM
07/25/15 10:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
When I came back to Dublin I was court marshaled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
Brendan Behan

``````````````````````````

An old punster made the king the butt of most of his jokes. Consequently, he was loved by the people, but hated by the king.

The king endured the ridicule for months. One day, after hearing people in the streets repeating some of their favorite quips, he had had enough. He had the following statement posted around the royal city:

"By royal decree, anyone who tells a pun will be hanged by the neck until he is dead."

The old punster kept telling his jokes, including puns. He was arrested, tried, convicted, and sentenced to be hanged at dawn in a week's time.

The king's conscience was pricked. He didn't want to execute a citizen for merely telling jokes. So the king sent a message to the hangman on the morning of the execution, telling him that the old man was to be given a pardon if he promised never to tell another pun.

The old man couldn't imagine living in a world where he could not tell a pun. So he replied, "No noose is good news," and died gladly.

`````````````````````````

The Post Office in the USA lost $5.1 billion last year making it the most successful government organization in history.

``````````````````````

A royal castle was under siege from an infidel army. The only hope was to send one of the knights to get help, but the problem was that all of the horses had been killed in the battle.

"We must get help," said the king.

"I know," replied the leader of his army, "but we have no horses. If a knight goes on foot, he will be slain at once."

"Is there not another animal he can ride?" demanded the king. "What about that mighty wolfhound? It could surely bear the weight of a man."

"No, no," pleaded the army leader. "The wolfhound is too dangerous. Look at its snarling teeth. I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this."

`````````````````````````

President Obama's visit to Los Angeles has really messed up traffic. It took me two hours to get to work. Of course, I ride a little girl's bike to work.

Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A.

`````````````````````````
An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative. So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent’s desk.

`So you do bird impressions, said the agent, `what else can you do?

`````````````````````

Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?

A: He didn't have a haunting license.

```````````````````````````

A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live.

He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she said to him, "Honey, if there's anything I can do to make you happy, tell me."

The preacher answered, "You know, dear, there's that box in the kitchen cabinet with what you always called "your little secret" in it and you said you never would want me to open it as long as you lived. Now that I'm about to go home to be with the Lord, why don't you show me what's in that secret box of yours?"

The preacher's wife got out the box and opened the lid.

It contained $10,000 and three eggs.

"What are those eggs doing in the box?" the preacher asked. "Well, Honey," she replied, "every time your sermon was really bad I put an egg in the box.

Now the preacher had been preaching for over forty years, and seeing only three eggs in that old shoe box, he started to feel very proud about himself and it warmed his soul.

"And what about that $10,000?"" he asked.

"Oh, you see," she whispered softly, "every time there were a dozen eggs in the box, I . . . ummm . . . sold them . . . and put a dollar in the box."

``````````````````````````````

A string walked into a bar, hopped on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

Disappointed, the string hopped down from the stool and went to the next bar. He hopped on the barstool and said, again, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."

The string continued down the row of bars in this fashion. At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender at every bar in turn said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."

Finally he got to the last bar in the area. He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a beer. He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." This bartender, too, said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

Tired and angry, the string walked outside to think. He was a hard-working string. He deserved a beer. Finally, he came up with an idea. He had a passerby tie him up into a bow and frazzle his ends. Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up on the barstool. "Bartender, gimme a beer!" he said loudly.

The bartender looked him over critically, and finally yelled, "Hey, aren't you that string that was in here a few minutes ago?"

The string replied coolly, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

`````````````````````````

The Spuds had three daughters, all of whom went away to college. There they met and dated several different people. All three became engaged at the same time, and went home to tell their parents.

The oldest daughter said, "Mom, Dad, I have some good news. I'm getting married!"

The parents asked, "So who is the lucky fellow?"

"His name is Daniel Russet," the daughter said, with a hint of pride in her voice.

"Wonderful!" The proud parents exclaimed. "The Russets are a distinguished line of potatoes!"

The middle daughter said, "Mom, Dad, I have good news, too. I'm also engaged to be married."

"And who are you going to marry, dear?"

"His name is Benjamin Idaho," the daughter replied.

"Oh, the Idahos are a fine old potato family," Mom and Dad Spud said. "We're so happy for both of you!"

The youngest daughter's turn came. She said, "Mom, Dad, you won't believe this. I'm engaged, too!"

"And who is your lucky fellow?" the parents wanted to know.

His name is Tom Brokow," was the reply.

At this the parents looked at their youngest daughter with a disapproving stare. "But, honey," they gasped. "That won't do at all! Why, he's just . . . a common tater!"

```````````````````````````

Once there was a family of skunks who lived in a hollow tree. There were two baby skunks. Their names were In and Out.


Now whenever In went out, Out came in, and whenever Out went out, In came in. If In happened to be in and wanted to go out, he would not go out until Out came in. And if Out happened to be in, and wanted to go out, he would not go out until In came in.

One day a big storm blew up, and the mother and father skunks were worried about their children. So they quickly looked around to see whether In was in and Out was out or if Out was in and In was out. Out happened to be in right then. The mother skunk said to Out, "Out, go out and bring In in, please. I'm worried about him."

Out said, "Sure thing, Mama." So Out went out, and for the very first time Out and In were out at the same time. Just a minute or two later Out came back in, and In came in behind him. For the first time in a long time In and Out were in at the same time.

The mother skunk was amazed. "Out, how did you find your brother so quickly?" she asked.

"Oh, Mama, it was easy," Out said. "In stinked!"

````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


"In stinked" snicker


I have good instinct too. It tells me tomorrow will be hot..........Have you heard this one?? lol


Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. razz


I do.


I try and sleep through it.


I think we're doing it all backwards. When daylight saving time ends, we should all start working all night long, and sleeping all day long. yes


I call that Daylight Avoiding Time. dance


It may be in the 90s or 100s all day, but at night it stays in the upper 70s. Perfect for working in.


I'm putting the finishing touches on a formal presentation I'm going to give before Congress for my proposal.


Well.....actually I'm going to mail it to my congressman. wink


Then I'll post it on Facebook.


Now.....all this talk about sleeping has left me......you know. tired


Have a happy day everyone.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025021
07/26/15 12:33 AM
07/26/15 12:33 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Happy Sunday Joe and all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025026
07/26/15 02:25 AM
07/26/15 02:25 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have all a relaxing Sunday. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025032
07/26/15 04:35 AM
07/26/15 04:35 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and everyone. Coffee is ready and water for tea is on. Joe you make me smile. Ana have a good one. Haroula how are you and how is your dad doing? Have a sunny day everyone. summer wave


Gerry
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025035
07/26/15 06:03 AM
07/26/15 06:03 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning all. Thanks Joe for opening the diner for us. Hi Ana kissy, Haroula, Gerry, and everyone who comes in the diner later. I hope you all have a great Sunday.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025037
07/26/15 06:52 AM
07/26/15 06:52 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and a warehouse store trip today. I'm not sure which one yet. To all here and all who stop in later, enjoy your Sunday. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, Waffles, Fruit Cup, and Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025039
07/26/15 08:11 AM
07/26/15 08:11 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers kissy

Joe, enjoy the daylight hours today.

Ana, have a great day!

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Midgie, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Connie, have a nice breakfast out.

Looks like a showery day today. Wishing everyone a wonderful, peaceful Sunday! kitty


Gail
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: GBC] #1025041
07/26/15 08:51 AM
07/26/15 08:51 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning Boomers. wave

Thanks for the jokes Joe. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025059
07/26/15 11:05 AM
07/26/15 11:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
I'll have the eggs and bacon and 2 aspirin please. Woke up with a major sinus headache. Sure sign our weather is gonna change drastically. My sinuses are more accurate than the weathermen. rotfl They are saying rain, lots of it, for the coming week. I hope they are right. From the little we got last week (about 1/2-1 inch) all my trees and plants are sprouting up like magic. Something IN the rain. I'll suffer the headache if we can get some much needed rain.

OH and just in case you missed it, as predicted, they announced the DROUGHT, imposed fines and sanctions for overuse of water, mandated times and days of watering, and NO lawn watering more than 5 minutes with a hand held hose, and so we all conserved, did what they asked and guess what??? We all saved so much water that now they are RAISING our water rates to compensate for the lost revenue. I knew that would happen. You can't win. The only sorta good thing is that my water rate is based on a multi-family business rate. My bill will only go up about 15 bucks a month where everyone else's will go up twice that. Geez.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025064
07/26/15 11:58 AM
07/26/15 11:58 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Another hot and humid day here again!! Got to love it though as we don't get like this much!

Joe thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day! Stay cool!

Ana have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the hot water for some morning tea!! Have a lovely day!

Midge have fun at work and have a lovely day!

Oh Connie a fruit cup sounds delish! thanks. Have a lovely day!

Gail maybe those showers will keep it a little cool for you. Enjoy church and have a lovely day!

Space enjoy the rest of the weekend and have a lovely day!

Sorta hope you get all the rain that you can so the drought well get better, not that the water prices will drop though. lol Have a lovely day.

wave
Nan

Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: auntiegram] #1025065
07/26/15 12:05 PM
07/26/15 12:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great day Nan. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025078
07/26/15 01:05 PM
07/26/15 01:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Hot hot hot.....I could have told you that without sticking my nose out the door....which is all I will stick out the door today lol wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: looney4labs] #1025083
07/26/15 01:40 PM
07/26/15 01:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and have a great Sunday's Sundowner Diner!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Easy peasy day planned today. Grilling salmon and shrimp for dinner. woot

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025095
07/26/15 03:12 PM
07/26/15 03:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Getting ready to go back to work in a few. Some days I just don't want to go back to work in the afternoon. This is one of those days. I think we're gonna have some rain soon. By Tuesday or Wednesday it's gonna go back up into the 90's. Oh joy.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025101
07/26/15 04:35 PM
07/26/15 04:35 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Talked myself into doing laundry and -Heaven be praised -there was a big garden spider in the tub. Well, laundry tomorrow but how will I get spidey out of there. Those critters are smart and fast. However I'm a bit smarter. I harased her with a dish towel and at last she jumped on it and now shes in the wild poinsetta plants, outdoors. Nuff with the laundry, maybe tomorrow

It's 104 out the back porch and that's why I took spidey out the front. Perhaps it's 100 there.

Still dizzy but maybe getting a bit used to it

On to some geometry games


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: Yankee Clipper] #1025114
07/26/15 05:49 PM
07/26/15 05:49 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
It is a hot one here today but at least the rain was brief and I got the lawn cut. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: Yankee Clipper] #1025126
07/26/15 08:32 PM
07/26/15 08:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer
luv2travel  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
Yankee, You shouldn't be dizzy. Please take care of yourself. Worried about you.

I made an offer on a condo that I fell in love with yesterday, and it was accepted today. So, I'm not going to be homeless! It's a lovely, cozy, safe place, and I'm very happy! rah

Andrea blackkitty

Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025132
07/26/15 08:55 PM
07/26/15 08:55 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
All right Andrea -when will you be moving? You're going to love it there. Best wishes


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025135
07/26/15 09:22 PM
07/26/15 09:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Yankee, I hope you have someone close to call if you need it. Take care of yourself! hearts

Andrea, congrats!!!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday's Sundowner Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1025145
07/26/15 10:12 PM
07/26/15 10:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Congrats, Andrea wave

Yankee, take care. Do you know why you are dizzy?

Off to bed with a book. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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