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TGIF #1025934
07/30/15 06:57 PM
07/30/15 06:57 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

`````````````````````````

New Year's Resolutions for HIM and HER

Her - Lose weight / Go on a diet / Drink more water
Him - One case beer per weekend (unless having guys over or Superbowl weekend)

Her - ONLY one chocolate bar per week
Him - ONLY three nights at topless bar per week

Her - Workout - Jog/Step Bench 5 times week
Him - Move furniture to find lost little black book and bedroom TV remote

Her - Subscribe to Shape/Fitness Magazine
Him - Call 1-800 number to get on Victoria's Secret catalog mailing list

Her - Go on romantic second date with Bob/Accounting
Him - Score on second date with Suzy/Marketing

Her - Get organized/clean house
Him - Give old Penthouse mags to Goodwill (or younger brother)

Her - Buy new Daily Planner
Him - Buy new little Black Book if no luck under furniture

Her - Find out name of tall good-looking guy in Finance
Him - Score with tall, long-legged Blond in Finance

Her - Read More / Less TV
Him - Buy Dish - More sports channels!!

Her - Watch quality TV with positive messages
Him - When surfing DO NOT stop on "Allie McBeal" -EVER

Her - Plan budget / Save more money
Him - Only three nights at topless bar per week

``````````````````````````

Dying Husband asks his wife:" Our 7th child always looked different from the other 6, did he have a different father?
wife(crying) : yes..............
husband : who?
Wife: You.........................

``````````````````````````

Knock knock
Who's there?
Howe-wenwat-wai
How, when, what, why, who?
You ask too many questions! Forget it.

````````````````````````

The leading couple of this joke consists of a husband and a wife. The wife has just taken a shower and comes out wrapped in a towel, still shy being newly wed.

"Well, I've seen you naked. You don't need that towel," says the husband.

"I just feel more comfortable this way," the wife responds.

"But I want to take a picture of you in a natural state," continues the husband.

The wife gets suspicious and asks what the husband would do with the photo. "I'll put in in my wallet and keep it close to my heart all the time," he responds, and gets his picture then heading for shower himself. He returns clean but also wrapped in a towel.

"Why are you wearing that towel now - I want a photo of you in return," demands the wife. The Husband does as he's told, the photo's taken and they check the result in their digital camera.

"What will you do with this photo of me, then?" asks the husband.

The wife takes a good look at her husband, then the photo, then husband again. "I'll have it enlarged," she finally responds.

`````````````````````

An army major went to a doctor because of his failing health. After thorough check up the doctor announced: “Hydropsy.”

“And what is Hydropsy?” The major asked.

Doctor: “There is more water in your body than is good for you.”

The major was a ‘whiskey-on-rocks’ guy. He exclaimed: “Water and me? My dear doctor, I will have you know that I never drink water.” And as an afterthought added: “It must have been all that ice.”

```````````````````````````

Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover

1. You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.
4. The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
5. You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.
6. You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.
7. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
8. Your catch phrase is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!"Happy New Year

``````````````````````````````

When my daughter asked about two look-alike classmates at her school, I told her that were probably twins. The next day, she came home from school all excited and said, "Guess what? They are not only twins, they're brothers!"

```````````````````````

As in many homes on New Year's Day, Lesley and Mark, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the New Year's lunch.

Hoping to keep the peace Mark ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.

Some minutes later, Lesley looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Mark.

She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was.

Mark told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0

'See?' Lesley said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.


`````````````````````````

Dave, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Kevin, and asks for a cigarette.

'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' Kevin responds.

'I'm in the process of quitting,' replies Dave with a grin.

'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'

'Phase one?' wonders Kevin.

'Yeah,' laughs Dave, 'I've quit buying.'

`````````````````````````

How does the pope buy things on eBay?

He uses his papal account!

`````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


You know, I'm not exactly sure why, but I get this strange feeling of Deja-Vu at this time every day. headscratch


I need to discuss the matter with my analyst, Dr Sigorney Freud. yes


She has a very comfortable couch.


She designed it that way because she said men talk more in their sleep than when awake. lol


If that's true, turn on your recorders everybody, I'm fixing to go do some tall talking. dance Bla Bla Bla


As they say, confession is good for the soul. wink


Have a happy day everyone. woot



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 07/30/15 06:59 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1025939
07/30/15 07:22 PM
07/30/15 07:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Welcome to the weekend Boomers. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1025963
07/30/15 10:44 PM
07/30/15 10:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Happy Friday Joe, SpaceQ and all!

PT, work and pool is on the agenda.

Have a wonderful day!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1026002
07/31/15 04:41 AM
07/31/15 04:41 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

3:30am sure comes early around here. razz

Have a super day. yay


joe wink


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1026004
07/31/15 05:03 AM
07/31/15 05:03 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana and everyone. Joe keep smiling. SpaceQ enjoy your day. Ana how is the shoulder feeling? Coffee is ready and tea water is too. Wishing you all a peaceful Friday! wave



Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1026013
07/31/15 06:12 AM
07/31/15 06:12 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers summer

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Ana, good luck at PT.

Space, happy day wishes.

Gerry, coffee sounds great this morning. Thanks.

Will take a nice long walk with Nina this morning before it gets too hot. Wishing everyone here and everyone on their way a terrific Friday! lab


Gail
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1026021
07/31/15 07:16 AM
07/31/15 07:16 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning all. I'm off to work. Have a happy day.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1026028
07/31/15 07:45 AM
07/31/15 07:45 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great TGIF. Danish, French Toast, and Muffins in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: connie] #1026046
07/31/15 10:00 AM
07/31/15 10:00 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your TGIF is terrific!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Friday! woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1026103
07/31/15 01:06 PM
07/31/15 01:06 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Have a wonderfully lovely day everybody!! Enjoy the sun, the heat, the rain, the clouds, whatever your case may be. May it be exactly what you need for the day!

Soot......Happy Birthday!!!

wave
Nan

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1026104
07/31/15 01:12 PM
07/31/15 01:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Hot hot hot...humid humid humid...weatherman just said "danger level"

Hubby is home for his birthday. Daughter is moving into her house in CO and realizing that she has to go buy a lot of stuff and it's all expensive lol

We might hit a movie this afternoon...shall see how life goes.

They are talking on the news about having to break children out of cars where folks left them while they were shopping. What is wrong with people? hardwall

Joe, hope you get to your weekend quickly!

Welcome to the weekend, Space wave

Ana, sounds like a lovely day. Have fun

Gerry, what's up for you today?

Gail, hope your walk with Nina is great.

Midgy, have fun.

Connie, do you have a good weekend planned?

Happy skooshing, Darlene wave

Nan, that is a great sentiment. You too


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1026126
07/31/15 03:51 PM
07/31/15 03:51 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
It is a beautiful day here today. dance

Enjoy the birthday celebration looney. smile

Have a great weekend everyone. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1026161
07/31/15 09:25 PM
07/31/15 09:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Back from the movie and dinner....Time to sit and sip for a sec wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1026163
07/31/15 09:38 PM
07/31/15 09:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
What movie did you see looney?


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1026177
07/31/15 10:40 PM
07/31/15 10:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
We went to see the new Mission Impossible. I'm not a Tom Cruise fan, but I really enjoyed the movie wave

Time for bed. Sweet dreams sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1026187
07/31/15 11:44 PM
07/31/15 11:44 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Sounds good looney. Good night. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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