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#1026290 - Yesterday at 09:59 PM Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30528
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
David Brent

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A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?"

The businessman replies, "Both!"

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After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies,

"Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

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If you are on Facebook, I am sure you will find this hilarious amusing.

The 76-year-old woman walked down the hallway of Clearview Addictions Clinic, searching for the right department. She passed signs for the "Heroin Addiction Department (HAD)," the "Smoking Addiction Department (SAD)" and the "Bingo Addiction Department (BAD)." Then she spotted the department she was looking for: "Facebook Addiction Department (FAD)."

It was the busiest department in the clinic, with about three dozen people filling the waiting room, most of them staring blankly into their Blackberries and iPhones. A middle-aged man with unkempt hair was pacing the room, muttering,"I need to milk my cows. I need to milk my cows."

A twenty-something man was prone on the floor, his face buried in his hands, while a curly-haired woman comforted him.

"Don't worry. It'll be all right."

"I just don't understand it. I thought my update was LOL-worthy, but none of my friends even clicked the 'like' button."

"How long has it been?"

"Almost five minutes. That's like five months in the real world."

The 76-year-old woman waited until her name was called, then followed the receptionist into the office of Alfred Zulu, Facebook Addiction Counselor.

"Please have a seat, Edna," he said with a warm smile. "And tell me how it all started."

"Well, it's all my grandson's fault. He sent me an invitation to join Facebook. I had never heard of Facebook before, but I thought it was something for me, because I usually have my face in a book."

"How soon were you hooked?"

"Faster than you can say 'create a profile.' I found myself on Facebook at least eight times each day -- and more times at night. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night to check it, just in case there was an update from one of my new friends in India . My husband didn't like that. He said that friendship is a precious thing and should never be outsourced."

"What do you like most about Facebook?"

"It makes me feel like I have a life. In the real world, I have only five or six friends, but on Facebook, I have 674. I'm even friends with Juan Carlos Montoya."

"Who's he?"

"I don't know, but he's got 4,000 friends, so he must be famous."

"Facebook has helped you make some connections, I see."

"Oh yes. I've even connected with some of the gals from high school -- I still call them 'gals.' I hadn't heard from some of them in ages, so it was exciting to look at their profiles and figure out who's retired, who's still working, and who's had some work done. I love browsing their photos and reading their updates. I know where they've been on vacation, which movies they've watched, and whether they hang their toilet paper over or under. I've also been playing a game with some of them."

"Let me guess. Farmville?"

"No, Mafia Wars. I'm a Hitman. No one messes with Edna."

"Wouldn't you rather meet some of your friends in person?"

"No, not really. It's so much easier on Facebook. We don't need to gussy ourselves up. We don't need to take baths or wear perfume or use mouthwash. That's the best thing about Facebook -- you can't smell anyone. Everyone is attractive, because everyone has picked a good profile pic. One of the gals is using a profile pic that was taken, I'm pretty certain, during the Eisenhower Administration. "

"What pic are you using?"

"Well, I spent five hours searching for a profile pic, but couldn't find one I really liked. So I decided to visit the local beauty salon."

"To make yourself look prettier?"

"No, to take a pic of one of the young ladies there. That's what I'm using."

"Didn't your friends notice that you look different?"

"Some of them did, but I just told them I've been doing lots of yoga."

"When did you realize that your Facebooking might be a problem?"

"I realized it last Sunday night, when I was on Facebook and saw a message on my wall from my husband: 'I moved out of the house five days ago. Just thought you should know.'"

"What did you do?"

"What else? I unfriended him of course!"

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A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."

The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that."

"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"

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I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a shot then looks into his pocket. he does this over and over again. finally the bartender asks why he orders a shot and after drinking it he looks into his pocket.

The man responded "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then I'll quit drinking and go home."

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A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You will ALL receive 'A's."

`````````````````````````````

Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems?

Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.

Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel..

```````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to the weekend/day two! yay


You're welcome to get up and dance with me if you want. Nobody likes dancing alone. shame


Oh I don't mean now. You'll have to wait till I get up at 10:00, have my breakfast by 11:00, drink a pot of coffee by about 12:00, and then I'll be awake enough with sufficient quantities of caffeine in me to want to get up and dance.


think On second thought forget it. yes


I'm 63 and live in Southern Oklahoma. blech


That's nothing to dance about. razz


Have a happy everyone.


joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#1026292 - Yesterday at 10:32 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 67420
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Happy Sunday Joe and all!

James is still here and we've had a full day. Today will be a much quieter day. lol

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1026298 - Yesterday at 11:45 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 10847
Loc: Columbus,Ohio
Have a great Sunday Joe, Ana and all my fellow Boomers. smile
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#1026305 - Today at 04:26 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 18708
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ and everyone. Coffee is ready and water for tea.
Hope you all enjoy a quiet summer day. summer
_________________________
Gerry

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#1026315 - Today at 07:06 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 11758
Loc: Scotland
Hello Joe, Ana, Space, Gerry and all who stop by later!

It's just after noon here, cold (55), and very wet once again! Oh for some sunshine and warmth! Diana's stopping by today to help out where she can...don't know what I'd do without her and rest of family. Come August 14 hubby and I will be off for a long weekend break to the Scottish Borders, a beautiful part of the country.

Enjoy your day guys!

Mary hearts wave
_________________________
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

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#1026325 - Today at 08:16 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8501
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Sunday. Quiet weekend here. We did our shopping yesterday as Robert has to work today. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, Toast, and BB Pancakes in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#1026337 - Today at 09:56 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 15509
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers summer

Joe, Happy Sunday!

Ana, enjoy your day.

Space, good morning.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Mary, enjoy your afternoon.

Connie, have a great day!

Off to church now. Out to lunch with the girls this afternoon. A nice quiet day planned. catrub
_________________________
Gail

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#1026343 - 27 minutes 54 seconds ago Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14119
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Will be another busy day here. Yesterday was rummage sale day! What fun and great bargins too. Today is my granddaughters baby shower!!! She is having a little girl around October 9th. Fun, fun, fun!!! Abbi likes the idea of having a little cousin as a birthday present since her birthday is the 11th. lol

Off to get things ready!! May you all have a very lovely day!!!

wave
Nan

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