The more I see of the moneyed classes, the more I understand the guillotine.
George Bernard Shaw
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It is a known fact that Winston Churchill had no time for women, particularly women in politics. Churchill was particularly adverse to one Nancy Ashton, a woman M.P. On one occasion he was particularly nasty to Nancy in the parliament, when Nancy declared openly: "Sir, if I were your wife, I would poison your drinks, mark my words.”
Having already tasted his little victory earlier, Churchill was generous: "And dear lady, if I were your husband, I would drink it.”
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From an Airlines flight attendant.... "Welcome aboard Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
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What does it say at the bottom of Norwegian Beer Bottles?
Open At Other End.
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It all started with an iPhone...
My son celebrated his 16th birthday in April,
and I bought him an iPhone. He simply loved it.
I celebrated my birthday in May, and I was really pleased to get an ipad from my wife.
My daughter's birthday was in November, so I got her an iPod Touch.
My wife's birthday was celebrated in February, so I got her an iRon.
It was around that time the fights started...
What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.
I should be out of the hospital next week!!
iHurt
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An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation.
"It was late at night'" says the pilot, "Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings."
"I'm sorry," says the auditor, "but you'll have to bear the cost yourself."
"The cost of what?" asks the pilot. "Of the bearings you lost."
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The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnu's ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good.
To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later:
MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU'S EAR!
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Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an additional three hours in the airport.
"How come?," his nephew asked.
"My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained.
"Grounded?" the little boy said. "I didn't know planes had parents."
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A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day.
"Well, Skip," said the scout, "Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it."
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A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day's work. After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: "Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window."
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Good morning everyboomie.
Well it's been a day. The day that was.......was a good one.
Now, on to the day that is....today.
I had two openers, and now I have two closers from 1:00 till 10:00. It'll be two long days.
Lord give me the strength.
We normally have four 8 hour days, and one 7 hour day on our schedule in order to minimize overtime, but I wasn't scheduled a short day this week.
Bummer!!
Live long and prosper everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Have an easy peasy day!
I'm so excited. 
