She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success, wrong by wrong.
Mae West
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98% of Americans say "OH S$!&" before going in the ditch on a slippery road.
The other 2% are from Buffalo or Rochester, NY and they say, "Hold my beer and WATCH THIS!"
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Alonzo goes to visit the Doctor.
Alonzo: "Doctor, doctor, I'm seeing blue elephants everywhere."
Doctor: "Have you seen a psychologist yet?"
Alonzo: "No, just blue elephants."
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Two bankers are in a bank when armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the bankers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their jewelry, wallets and watches.
While this is going on banker number one puts something in banker number two's hand. Without looking down, banker number two whispers, 'What is this?' to which banker number one replies, 'It's the fifty dollars I owe you.'
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A Spanish guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.
A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.
"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"
"You mean if I become very sick?"
"Well . . . yes."
"If that happens, call a doctor!"
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Daughter : I am in love with the neighbor, so I am running away with him.
Dad: Thanks , you've saved me my money & my time.
Daughter: Dad, I am reading the letter left by Mom.
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State MotosAlabama: Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don't Own It Yet.
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker -- WOO-EEE!!!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%## Motto? I Got Yer ##$%## Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right to An Attorney...
North Carolina: Tobacco IS A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si, Hablo Ingles (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep, syrup!
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men...and the sheep are scared!
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense Against The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies,& Very Little Else
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Good morning everyboomie.
Running late again.
It's beginning to become my theme song.
My mantra.
"I WILL WRITE NO LINE BEFORE IT'S TIME."
I will do nothing at all before it's time.
Unless its bed time.
HA!! I kill me.
Looks like this weekend is shaping up to be.........
.....half over.
Have a happy other half everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
