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Happy Hump Day #1028684
08/19/15 01:48 AM
08/19/15 01:48 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx

``````````````````````

What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a hillbilly?

The good ol' boy raises livestock. The hillbilly gets emotionally involved.

`````````````````````

A lady is throwing a Birthday party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out.. a caterer, band, and a hired clown.

Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout.

Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back.

Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time.

But the clown hadn't shown up.

After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself.

She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn.

She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air.

She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous.

I have never seen such a thing.

Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"

The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. 'HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

```````````````````````````

A man calls his stockbroker all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice. He says, "Sell it all, sell everything fast, right away." The stockbroker tries to explain that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be.
The man says, "Let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5 years."
"Yes, go on," the stockbroker says.
"Well. My wife has this thing about the market. Her grandparents lost it all in the great crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to original sin. When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the stock market and always leave all our money under the mattress."
"Wow, I didn't know that. I guess you want the money because the market is going down, in case she asks for it."
"No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days."

``````````````````````````

Confucius Reexamined

* Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

* Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

* Man with one chopstick go hungry.

* Man who scratches bum should not bite fingernails.

```````````````````````

Fred sees an old Abo walking down the road, apparently oblivious to the fact that he's wearing only one thong.

"Hey, Jackie" calls out Fred, "You've lost a thong!".

"Nah, mate" says the old Abo, "I've just found one".


```````````````````````````

A good old joke: A long time ago, a visitor from out of town came to a tour in Manhattan. At the end of the tour they took him to the financial district. When they arrived to Battery Park the guide showed him some nice yachts anchoring there, and said, "Here are the yachts of our bankers and stockbrokers."

"And where are the yachts of the investors?" asked the naive visitor.

`````````````````````````

If you want to know more about paranoids, follow them around.

````````````````````````

One morning a man came into the church on crutches.

He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.

An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.

"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said.

"Tell me where is this man now?"

"Flat on his back side over by the holy water," said the boy.

```````````````````````````````

Q. Why didn't the skeleton need a telephone?

A. He had no body to talk with!

````````````````````````

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm.

They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

``````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I know two immutable things right this minute. 1......I am off the next two days, and 2......It's over half past mid-night. shocked


think


Ok Three things. blush


3......I'm over half way to unconsciousness. sleep


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 08/19/15 01:50 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028691
08/19/15 06:35 AM
08/19/15 06:35 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy your days off!

To all who come into the Diner and all who are on their way I'm wishing a wonderful day! summer


Gail
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028693
08/19/15 07:06 AM
08/19/15 07:06 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Gail and all. Coffee is on. Wishing you all a great day! wave


Gerry
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028703
08/19/15 09:12 AM
08/19/15 09:12 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Another quiet morning. duh Haroula, Connie, Sue, venus, Nan, Yankee, and I'm sure I'm missing more, I hope all is well.

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028708
08/19/15 10:12 AM
08/19/15 10:12 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Happy Hump Day ya'll puppy

Hubby, the doggies, and I got up early and took the 4-legged ones walking. Humidity was icky, but not as bad as it will be later.

Now debating napping lol

Joe, enjoy your days off.

Gail, what's on your docket for the day?

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Ana, hope your day is great!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028715
08/19/15 10:49 AM
08/19/15 10:49 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Hump Day. Cable tech will be here later. Danish, Muffins, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028720
08/19/15 11:40 AM
08/19/15 11:40 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hello Boomers! Hope you are all well!

Arrived back home yesterday after a wee break away! Feel much rested and revived. The guest house was lovely, our hosts couldn't do enough for us and the food was great. The weather was spectacular, wall-to-wall sunshine and warm temps, much needed after the miserable summer we've had so far. We drove every day with the car roof down which helped to blow the cobwebs away! lol

To all here and all who may stop by later, enjoy the rest of your day!

Mary hearts wave


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028725
08/19/15 12:45 PM
08/19/15 12:45 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Gail have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee. Hits the spot since it is only in the 50's and raining today! Have a lovely day!

Ana glad you weathered your storms yesterday! Any word on the dog Merlin got into with?? Have a lovely day!

L4l glad you got your walk in early! Sassy only went out the door and right back in...she does not like the rain. lol Have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the goodies and have a lovely day!

Mary so glad you had a nice time away!! Have a lovely day!

I had Abbi ALL day yesterday, like 12 hours and we sure had fun!! happydance

wave
Nan

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028733
08/19/15 02:32 PM
08/19/15 02:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Nan, were you exhausted?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1028734
08/19/15 02:47 PM
08/19/15 02:47 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
HI! HI! HI! Everybody wave

How is everybody doing?? I'm wishing
you all well hearts

Nan Bella hates rain too! lol
we've had a Beautiful summer here~we need rain
really bad, had lots of fires in our state~

waveMary wave how are you feeling?
glad you had a wonderful vay-kay flowers

HI waveAna, Joe, Connie, Gail, Gerry. L4L,
haroula, migde, space, Sue, cool wave


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: Drmojo] #1028742
08/19/15 03:54 PM
08/19/15 03:54 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Happy Hump Day Boomers. More rain here today. cry


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028758
08/19/15 05:46 PM
08/19/15 05:46 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Stay dry, Space wave

Hi ya Doc, how ya being?

Last edited by looney4labs; 08/19/15 05:47 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1028759
08/19/15 06:05 PM
08/19/15 06:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thanks looney smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1028779
08/19/15 08:09 PM
08/19/15 08:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everybody. wave

It's been an awesome day here. We had a heavy rain this morning, clouds all day, and it's 69 degrees out there now. penguin Ooo Ahh!

So nice that I took Baby out twice for a walk.. lab

Other than that, I went to the post office, and then to town to go to the Social Security office , and then went to Walmart for gas and groceries. yes

That's my day in a nut shell, except for the three hour nap I took when I got back home. I only had about 5 hours sleep last night. tired

I hope you guys had a great day today. yes

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028786
08/19/15 08:53 PM
08/19/15 08:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
That sounds like a pretty good day Joe. smile

Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028789
08/19/15 09:16 PM
08/19/15 09:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Joe, that sounds like a great day....especially the 69 degrees.

Time for bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1028796
08/19/15 10:17 PM
08/19/15 10:17 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Chilly here too! Down to the 50's every night this week. I turned the AC off today.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1028803
08/19/15 11:48 PM
08/19/15 11:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good night SpaceQuest, L4L & Ana. wave

Sweet dreams. sleep


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
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