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Saturdiner #1029049
08/21/15 07:45 PM
08/21/15 07:45 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.”
– Will Rogers

```````````````````````````

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

``````````````````````````````

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

`````````````````````````````

Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.

``````````````````````````

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
A: She couldn't find the "10" button.

``````````````````````````````

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

`````````````````````````````

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

````````````````````````````

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a cat at home!"

`````````````````````````````

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

``````````````````````````

Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

``````````````````````````

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

````````````````````````````

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This went on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."


UGLY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

``````````````````````````````````

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" and George said, "No," and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

```````````````````````````````

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It's okay. He woke up.

````````````````````

Good moaning everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to the weekend! yay


Of course I have to work today......rolleyes......at 6:00am. razz


Some days are diamonds, and some days just stink like rotten tomatoes. blech


Of course I'm only going on hearsay because I have no sense of smell, or put another way, I don't have the sense to smell. snicker


I know a couple of things about diamonds though. I was in the jewelry business for 15 years. thumbsup


It made me an independently impoverished man. shocked


There's another thing I overheard in the grapevine.


It's going to be a great day.


Make it a happy one too.



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 08/21/15 07:47 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1029067
08/21/15 10:03 PM
08/21/15 10:03 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi Joe. Thanks for opening for us. I'm just seeing who else is here at 10:00 on Friday night. Oh well. I'll wait until tomorrow morning to see who comes through the diner door. Night all.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1029072
08/21/15 10:43 PM
08/21/15 10:43 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, Midgie and all wave

My sister from Indiana is coming in for a sister bonding day with me. We are lunching and biking. yay

Have a great day all!

Ana hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1029075
08/21/15 10:52 PM
08/21/15 10:52 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Thanks for the jokes Joe. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1029084
08/22/15 06:21 AM
08/22/15 06:21 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Have a great day Midgie, Ana, SpaceQuest, MaG, and all. wave


joe yay


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1029086
08/22/15 07:47 AM
08/22/15 07:47 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who stop by later, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: connie] #1029087
08/22/15 07:59 AM
08/22/15 07:59 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Bacon and cinnamon. Two of my favorites. yay


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1029088
08/22/15 08:13 AM
08/22/15 08:13 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers wave

Wishing everyone a super duper great day today! A nice long dog walk with Nina this morning. lab


Gail
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1029099
08/22/15 10:49 AM
08/22/15 10:49 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

The Cully is sword fighting on the Wii. Hubby is feeding the dogs and I'm sitting and sipping. I think there is some cleaning on my agenda if I can tame my tummy wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1029100
08/22/15 11:02 AM
08/22/15 11:02 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Welcome to the weekend everybody!!! May you all have a lovely day!

Abbi day and then a dinner party later in the day!

wave
Nan

Re: Saturdiner [Re: auntiegram] #1029126
08/22/15 05:38 PM
08/22/15 05:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Anyone heard from Venus? It seems like she has been MIA for a couple of weeks. Hopefully she just has an acting gig. smile

It was a beautiful day here today. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1029147
08/22/15 09:19 PM
08/22/15 09:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Off bed. Freezer is acting up so we may be freezer shopping tomorrow sad

Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1029149
08/22/15 09:51 PM
08/22/15 09:51 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
SpaceQ, I have not heard from venus or Haroula.

L4L, hope the freezer behaves.

We have a huge party with about 100 people two doors down with a karaoke machine outside with speakers. Heaven help us, it's gonna be a long night.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1029156
08/22/15 11:46 PM
08/22/15 11:46 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Thanks Ana. I hope everyone is just on a summer vacation.

Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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