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TGIF #1030806
09/03/15 10:47 PM
09/03/15 10:47 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.” – Axel Rose

```````````````````````

The Less You Know, The More You Make

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:
The less you know,the more you make.

``````````````````````


Is Windows a Virus

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

```````````````````````

You've been programming too long when

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

``````````````````````````

Dear Ann Landers,

I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy.

My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to an Australian.

My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana, distribution of Cocaine, as well as Heroin.

They are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.

I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non parole life sentence in Mt. Eden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being
held in the Wellington remand center on charges of incest with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a
part time "working girl" in a Brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD.

We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilizing her knowledge of the industry working as the Madam.

I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute
themselves, at least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

So, how should I tell her about my brother-in-law being employed by Microsoft?

````````````````````````

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."

````````````````````````````````

"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."

Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine, I'll take two."

`````````````````````

Heaven And Hell

In Heaven:

The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:

The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.


In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

````````````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Another day, another night

I fall asleep with fading light. sleep


It's only natural....... think .....but so is gas. taz


I hope I don't get that. razz


I want to sleep, not pass into the great beyond. woot


However, if I should die before I wake............ duh


Have a happy day everyone. wave


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1030818
09/04/15 12:07 AM
09/04/15 12:07 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! Back to work for me today.

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1030826
09/04/15 03:03 AM
09/04/15 03:03 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have all a great Friday. happydance wave
Midgie hearts


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1030830
09/04/15 04:48 AM
09/04/15 04:48 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana Haroula and everyone. Coffee is ready and tea water too. Wishing you all a get friday. wave


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1030837
09/04/15 07:03 AM
09/04/15 07:03 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Terrific TGIF. Midge, prayers and hugs. Still no phone. No repairman showed up yesterday, imagine that. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1030841
09/04/15 08:20 AM
09/04/15 08:20 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers smile

Joe, have a great day when you awake.

Ana, wishing you an easy work day.

Haroula, happy Friday.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, hope you get your phone fixed today.

Everybody have a good day! happydance


Gail
Re: TGIF [Re: GBC] #1030850
09/04/15 09:46 AM
09/04/15 09:46 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! So happy that Friday's here! Have a great TGIF!

It's Friday! Welcome to the long weekend! woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1030863
09/04/15 10:56 AM
09/04/15 10:56 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday, and May the Force be with y'all puppy wink

Hubby took the day off so we slept in a bit. Took the monkeys walking in the daylight. Felt good when we first went out, but that nice cool feeling quickly melted in the sun and humidity.

Cleaned up and cooked bacon and pancakes to combat the healthy effects of the walk whistle Then my leg started talking so I'm going to sit and surf and sip for a bit wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1030873
09/04/15 12:42 PM
09/04/15 12:42 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,919
Hogwarts
Trail_Mystic Offline
Dragon Breath - Darkside Moderator
Trail_Mystic  Offline
Dragon Breath - Darkside Moderator
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,919
Hogwarts
Hi Folks! wave

Hope everyone has a fun and safe holiday weekend! yes

TM


I feel a lot more like I do now, then when I first got here

Re: TGIF [Re: Trail_Mystic] #1030904
09/04/15 03:53 PM
09/04/15 03:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Welcome to the weekend Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1030929
09/04/15 06:48 PM
09/04/15 06:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Have a good one, Trail wave

Do you have plans for the holiday, Space?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1030941
09/04/15 07:18 PM
09/04/15 07:18 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
I have some serious doggie time planned for the entire weekend. puppy happydance

How about you?


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1030953
09/04/15 09:03 PM
09/04/15 09:03 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Some book cooking, some chores, some board gaming. And some going to bed and reading, starting now. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1030960
09/04/15 09:38 PM
09/04/15 09:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night looney. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1030969
09/04/15 11:43 PM
09/04/15 11:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
See you all tomorrow Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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