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Tuesday's #1031369
09/07/15 07:25 PM
09/07/15 07:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.”

– Unknown

````````````````````````````

1. What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs.

2. Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

3. How do fish get high?

Seaweed.

4. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

Everything’s fine. He woke up.

5. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

6. Why don’t teddy bears ever order dessert.

Because they’re always stuffed.

7. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

8. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

9. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

10. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!

11. Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg?

He’s all right now.

12. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

13. What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

Wipes his ass.

14. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because he had a great fall.

15. People wonder why I call my toilet “the Jim” instead of “the John.”

I do it so I can say “I go to the Jim first thing every morning.”

16. I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger…

And then it hit me.

17. I went to the bank the other day and asked the teller to check my balance.

The [blip] pushed me, but I couldn’t really blame her.

18. What do computers snack on?

Microchips.

19. How come oysters never donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

20. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You’re too young to smoke.

21. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

A Juan on Juan.

22. What’s the tallest building in the world?

The library, cause it has the most stories.

23. How do trees get online?

They log in.

24. Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

25. What car does Jesus drive?

A Christler.

26. Money doesn’t grow on trees, right?

So why does every bank have so many branches?

27. Why did the pig leave the party early?

Because everyone thought he was a boar.

28. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

There’s no point.

29. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.

The police better be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.

30. Why are barns so noisy?

Because all the cows have horns.

31. What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it?

A waist of time.

32. What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?

One says, “Spit out your gum” and the other says, “Choo choo choo.”

33. What did the janitor yell after he jumped out of the closet?

“Supplies!”

34. How can you get four suits for a dollar?

Buy a deck of cards.

35. What’s so great about being a hitman?

They all kill it.

36. Why didn’t the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

37. What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck?

“You can stay. Just don’t try to start anything.”

38. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

39. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

40. If April showers bring May flowers, what comes next in June?

``````````````````````````

Good moorning everyboomie. welcome


I'm on my way to a hot date with my pillow. happydance


I sure hope I don't get stood up....think.....which oddly enough, is the opposite of what I would normally wish for. blush


Anyway I have another of my 3:30 wake up calls.


Oh how I live for getting up at the crack of indecency . woot


Today.........................tomorrow...................................think.........TUESDAY, I get to put out the Halloween decorations. yay



Que the ghost smileys. wink


Have a happy day everyone.



joe


Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/07/15 07:29 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1031376
09/07/15 08:18 PM
09/07/15 08:18 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Tuesday everyone.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1031393
09/07/15 11:17 PM
09/07/15 11:17 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Have a great day Joe, SpaceQ and all! Supposed to get big storms here and a drop in temps. Boo!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1031403
09/08/15 03:06 AM
09/08/15 03:06 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning everyone,have all a great day. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tuesday's [Re: Haroula] #1031415
09/08/15 05:07 AM
09/08/15 05:07 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Have a super day everyone. wave


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1031417
09/08/15 05:30 AM
09/08/15 05:30 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana, Haroula and all. Joe don't work to hard! Space enjoy your day. Ana hope the storms are not to severe! Haroula wishing you a cooler day. Coffee is ready Joe and tea water is on. Happy Day wished for all! summer


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1031429
09/08/15 06:30 AM
09/08/15 06:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. I put out my Fall decorations yesterday, even though Fall doesn't get here until mid October. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Scrambled Eggs with Cheese in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1031437
09/08/15 07:14 AM
09/08/15 07:14 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Good day wishes Joe.

Haroula, have a happy day!

Space, good morning.

Ana, stay safe in the storms.

Gerry, Is the weather till hot over your way cause it's a really hot one today.

Connie, I have to get busy getting my Fall decorations out too.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! catrub


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1031458
09/08/15 09:32 AM
09/08/15 09:32 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
good Morning everybody!!! I am off for an appointment and then it will be and Abbi day!!!!!!

Have a lovely day everybody!!

Happy Birthday MaG!!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Tuesday's [Re: auntiegram] #1031461
09/08/15 09:55 AM
09/08/15 09:55 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and have a terrific Tuesday's!

birthday MaG! Woohoo and booyah!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1031471
09/08/15 11:11 AM
09/08/15 11:11 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll lab

Hubby, the doggies, and I rolled out early for a walk. It was nice and cool out when we first went out the door into the dark, and we watched a beautiful sunrise as we got our exercise.

Then I came home, cleaned up, and headed on back to bed to sip tea, watch the news, and sleep. Now back up for take 2 on the day wink wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1031491
09/08/15 11:57 AM
09/08/15 11:57 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hello Boomers! Hope this finds everyone well!

Still wall-to-wall sunshine so making the most of every day! Out for some retail therapy with hubby earlier and was bemused to see, in one store, Halloween stuff on one side of the aisle and Christmas stuff on the opposite side! I remember the days when Christmas goodies were kept hidden until the beginning of December.

Enjoy the rest of your day guys!

Mary wave hearts


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Tuesday's [Re: MsMercury] #1031527
09/08/15 03:33 PM
09/08/15 03:33 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer
luv2travel  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
Hi friends!
Been in my new place almost a month, and I'm settling in well. I had some cabinets installed in the garage to put things away and that has helped, but this place is so much smaller, and I have difficulty in letting things go, just like my mom did. I wish I had experience in using Ebay. I refuse to use Craig's list. I don't trust those people.
I am so tired of summer here. Phoenix is so hot until the beginning of November, you can't spend anytime outdoors or open windows for fresh air. It gets really old by the 2nd week of Sept. I know most of you are dreading the winter, but not me.
Hope you all had a good holiday, stay safe and healthy!
Andrea wave

Re: Tuesday's [Re: luv2travel] #1031529
09/08/15 03:36 PM
09/08/15 03:36 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1031555
09/08/15 07:54 PM
09/08/15 07:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Mary, they put the Holiday stuff out here so early that it has gone from being an treat to an annoyance, at least for me. Enjoy the nice weather wave


Andrea, I know how hard it can be to let things go, but it can also be very freeing. I hope you get your place just like you want it soon.

Afternoon, Space wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: looney4labs] #1031576
09/08/15 09:46 PM
09/08/15 09:46 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hi looney. wave

Andrea my brother is in the Phoenix area and he told me it has been very hot out there. I hope your house feels like home soon. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1031585
09/08/15 11:44 PM
09/08/15 11:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer
luv2travel  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
Thanks Space! thanks
Andrea catrub

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