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Hump Day #1033330
09/22/15 07:14 PM
09/22/15 07:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
Steve Jobs

`````````````````````````````````

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way.

One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plexus Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the doted line he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.

The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Merv asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And the gentleman answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but notice you have no ears."

Merv got very angry and threw him out.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" and she replied: "Well, you have no ears."

Merv again was upset and tossed her out.

The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Merv was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question:

"Do you notice anything different about me?" And to his surprise, the young man answered: "Yes. You wear contact lenses." Merv was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?"

The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty [blip] hard to wear glasses with no ears!"

`````````````````````````

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

She said, "No?"

"Well," he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make..........

```````````````````````````````

A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning.

"I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it's runny, and the other so over cooked, it's tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze, so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm."

"That's a complicated order, sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."

The guest replied, "Oh? You didn't seem to have any problems making it yesterday!"

``````````````````````````````````````````````

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"

``````````````````````````

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.

Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!"

The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"

``````````````````````````

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters had two spoons in their vest pocket. Upon being asked, the waiter said, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware are spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement."

Then the customer noticed that a string was hanging out of all the waiters' flies and asked what the string was for. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explained the waiter, "that way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims right away. Then we don't have to stop to wash our hands."

The customer asked, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter whispered confidentially, "I don't know about the others, but I use the two spoons."

```````````````````````````

A lady was picking up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.

Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: "PRICE CHECK ON LANE 13,TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."

In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

``````````````````````````

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up.

The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.

Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!"

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

``````````````````````````

Three guys that all worked bulding high rise buildings sat down to lunch one day. The first one opens his lunch and says, "Tunafish, tunafish, I hate tunafish. If I get tuna fish one more time I'm jumping."

The other two guys open their lunches and say the same thing.

The next day the first guy opens his lunch and says, "Ah, ham and cheese."

The next two open their lunches and say, "Tunafish, tunafish, I hate tunafish. If I get tunafish one more time I'm going to jump."

The third day the first two guys open their lunches and both got their favorite sandwiches. The third guy opens his lunch and says, "Tunafish, tunafish, I hate tunafish. All right, that's it. I'm jumping." So he goes to the edge and jumps off.

The other two look on not beliving what just happened. After a while the first guy says, "Gee, that's sad. He actually jumped."

The second guy says, "Yeah, the worst part is that he packed his own lunch."

``````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It's another fine day here in good old September. thumbsup


No wait that was yesterday. think


I'm back at work today. rolleyes


It's a nuther stinking hot work day here in grand old September. rah rah......rah


For the next 10 days our lowest temperature will be 87 degrees. That get us into October, or I should say Hotober. razz


I know it'll cool down soon though. yes


Then I can start complaining about how cold it is on my old bones. snicker


Have a happy day everyone.



joe






Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/22/15 07:16 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033331
09/22/15 08:00 PM
09/22/15 08:00 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Wednesday everyone. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033333
09/22/15 08:12 PM
09/22/15 08:12 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Have a great day everyone! I am going to the city for a concert tonight to see Robert Plant (lead singer from Led Zeppelin) and JD McPherson. yay I'm excited! I saw Led Zeppelin twice in the 70's and he still has a good voice!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033358
09/23/15 01:53 AM
09/23/15 01:53 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who come in later. wave
Joe lol
Ana praise


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033366
09/23/15 05:18 AM
09/23/15 05:18 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, Haroula and all. Joe hope you stay cool! cool SpaceQ enjoy your day. Ana sounds like a fun evening! dance Haroula have a nice day too. Coffee is ready and tea water too. Happy Day wished for all! wave wave


Gerry
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033375
09/23/15 05:54 AM
09/23/15 05:54 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers wave

Joe, wish our weather here would stay warm till October.

Space, have a good day.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Ana, enjoy the concert.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Wishing everyone a super good day today!


Gail
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033377
09/23/15 06:02 AM
09/23/15 06:02 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Your welcome Gail. Have a great day wave wave


Gerry
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033380
09/23/15 06:24 AM
09/23/15 06:24 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here, and all who drop by later, have a Terrific Hump Day. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033425
09/23/15 10:25 AM
09/23/15 10:25 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

Ana what fun!!!! Enjoy the concert tonight!! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee!! Hits the spot since it is only 50F out there and raining!! Have a lovely day!

Gail have a lovely day!!

Connie thanks for the treats and have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033429
09/23/15 10:38 AM
09/23/15 10:38 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday and May the Force be With ya'll puppy

The doggies and I had a nice walk. It was sunny but not horribly hot. Will be much warmer as the day goes.


Joe, wave

Space, have a great day.

Ana, enjoy!

Haroula, how is Jr?

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Gail, have a great day.

Connie, thanks for the yummies.

Nan, what's up with you today.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1033437
09/23/15 11:25 AM
09/23/15 11:25 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and have a wonderful Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Been on vacation and it has been wonderful. Been celebrating wedding anniversaries over the last weekend with family, up the coast. Bike riding, wine tasting, sitting on the beach.....it has been fantastic. We have the rest of the week off and we are just chillaxin'. yay So much needed.

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Hump Day [Re: Darlene] #1033459
09/23/15 04:23 PM
09/23/15 04:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Half way home Boomers. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033464
09/23/15 04:54 PM
09/23/15 04:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Darlene, so glad to hear you are having a great vacation!

SpaceQ, yay


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1033471
09/23/15 05:34 PM
09/23/15 05:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Ana is it raining in your area?


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033480
09/23/15 06:12 PM
09/23/15 06:12 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
The weather is perfect! It will be perfect for another week. 80 during the day 55-62 at night!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1033485
09/23/15 07:32 PM
09/23/15 07:32 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Sounds great Ana, happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1033490
09/23/15 07:52 PM
09/23/15 07:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
I'd love 50's at night...send it on down puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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