Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.
Sam Levenson
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The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room really got quiet.
Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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A Boston fan, a Yankees fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together in a train. The train enters a tunnel and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, Pamela Anderson and the Yankees fan are sitting as if nothing happened, and the Boston fan is holding his slapped face. The Boston fan is thinking, "That Yankees fan must have kissed Pamela and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead." Pamela is thinking, "That Boston fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Yankees fan, and got slapped for it." And the Yankees fan is thinking, "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Boston fan again".
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1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF.
AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
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Three men die and are waiting at the Pearly Gates when St. Peter tells them that there will be a slight delay but not to worry that he will have Albert Einstein visit with them during their wait. Albert arrives and introduces himself to the first man and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the first man answers, "241".
"That is wonderful!", says Albert.
"We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!".
Albert introduces himself to the second man and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the second man answers, "144".
"That is great!", responds Albert.
"We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to the third man and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the third man answers, "51".
"How about them Yankees eh?", says Albert.
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Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "you have no idea what I had to go through to get to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend."
The second guy said "That nothing. I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool."
The third guy said "Man, you guys have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her."
They continued to play several more holes when they realized that the fourth guy had not said a word about how he managed to get out of the house. So the first guy said, "You haven't said a word about what you had to do to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
The fourth guy smiled and said "Well, I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave my wife a nudge and said 'Golf course or intercourse?' and she said 'Wear your sweater'"
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Two golfers were waiting their turn on the tee when a naked woman ran across the fairway and into the woods. Two men in white coats and another guy carrying two buckets of sand were chasing her, and a little old man was bringing up the rear.
One of the golfers asked the old man, " What the hell is going on?"
The old guy said, "She's a nymphomaniac from the asylum, she keeps trying to escape, and we attendants are trying to catch her."
The golfer said, "What about the guy with the buckets of sand?"
The old guy said, "That's his handicap. He caught her last time."
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While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "Not real sure, but if you want my opinion the sharks got 'em."
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(((GooooooD MORNING BOOMER FANS!))) 
Alright all you lovely people it's time to hit the deck.
Don't do it in the diner though.
My insurance has a $10,000 deductible for any injury claims over $100.
I needed a very affordable plan.
I had to be at work at the crack of insanity yesterday, and I do it again today.
The rooster even wants me to wake him as I'm leaving.
COCKA-DOODLE-DO!!!!!!! 
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
