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Monday Mourning #1033917
09/27/15 07:18 PM
09/27/15 07:18 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

`````````````````````

"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked.

It was a moment for which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproductions. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly.

"Does that answer your question?" her father asked.

"Not really," the little girl said. "Marcia said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from."

```````````````````````````

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

````````````````

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious about things in general and started asking all sorts of questions. He asked his father, "Why does the boat float? The father replied, "Don't rightly know son."

A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son."

Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" The father replied, "Of course not, if you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."

`````````````````

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "OOh dad, there's one."

"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat woman. The son said, "Hey dad, she's plenty big enough."

"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

````````````````````````````

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!'

The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!' Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem.

The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.

The teacher suggested they try some biology questions... 'What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?' asked the teacher.

'Legs!' Larry immediately replied.

'What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?' asked the teacher.

'Pockets!' said Larry.

The teacher looked at the principal, who said, 'Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!'

````````````````````````

A little boy had been pawing over the stock of greeting cards at a stationery store.

After a few minutes the clerk became curious and asked, "Just what is it you're looking for, sonny? Birthday greeting? Message to a sick friend? Anniversary congratulations to your mom and dad?"

The boy shook his head, "No."

"Then what kind of card is it that you want?" asked the clerk.

The boy answered wistfully, "Got any blank report cards?"

`````````````````````````

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here --

We could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

``````````````````````````

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she would ask such a question. But, he reckons if she's old enough to ask the question, then surely she's old enough for a straight answer. So, the father proceeds to tell his young daughter all about the "birds and the bees."

After a brief explanation, the little girl appears wide-eyed in disbelief. "By the way, dear, why do you ask?" the father asks.

The little girl replies, "Mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

```````````````````````````

The neighbor dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

"What's wrong Marge ?" she asked.

Marge told her that she had "morning sickness."

Surprised, the neighbor said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant!"

"I'm not." the harried young woman replied. "I'm just [blip] sick of mornings."

```````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It's Monday, and I'm back at work today after my nice weekend. cry


It's always tough going back to work after a two days off. blech


I sure am looking forward to my next two day weekend. yes


Tuesday, and Wednesday. dance


I'M SO EXCITED, AND I JUST CAN"T HIDE IT. haha


October 4th marks my 7th anniversary at Lowe's. woot


I think I'm getting the 7 year itch.


I should probably start washing my hair more often. headscratch


At least once a year wouldn't you say?


Have a happy day everyone.



joe







Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/27/15 07:20 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1033922
09/27/15 07:35 PM
09/27/15 07:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe! Time flies doesn't it? I remember when you lived in St. Louis. Seems so long ago.

Have a great day all! Not sure what today will bring yet.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1033924
09/27/15 07:50 PM
09/27/15 07:50 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Thanks for the jokes Joe. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1033933
09/27/15 09:08 PM
09/27/15 09:08 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a terrific day Joe, Ana, Space Quest and all who come in after me. wave

It's Sunday night for me, and it's back to work tomorrow. Then more singing practice when I get home. thumbsup As for now, I'm off to sleep.

Have a great Monday, everyone. fall

Last edited by venus; 09/27/15 09:08 PM.

Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1033957
09/28/15 05:52 AM
09/28/15 05:52 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, venus and everyone. Joe keep smiling! Ana hope it's a quiet day. SpaceQ have a good one. Venus nice to have you back in the Diner. Coffee is ready and tea water too. We watched the eclipse last night. Fantastic! Never saw the moon red before! Enjoy your day everyone! fall wave


Gerry
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1033967
09/28/15 06:41 AM
09/28/15 06:41 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Doctors appointment this morning. My least favorite thing. It was too cloudy here last night to see the Eclipse. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and French Toast in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1033970
09/28/15 07:01 AM
09/28/15 07:01 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers smile

Joe, wishing you a wonderful day!

Ana, whatever the day brings...enjoy!

Space, have a good day!

Venus, have a great day when you awake.

Gerry, nature is fantastic.

Connie, hope your doctor visit runs smoothly.

A dog walk this morning then whatever the day brings. lab


Gail
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1033973
09/28/15 07:36 AM
09/28/15 07:36 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
morning. I'm off to work. Have a great day today everyone.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Midge] #1033996
09/28/15 10:57 AM
09/28/15 10:57 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope your Monday Mourning goes easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Back to work after a marvelous vacation.....

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1034010
09/28/15 11:42 AM
09/28/15 11:42 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday and May the Force be with Ya'll puppy

I got up early to walk the monkeys. Opened the door and it was raining! lol

So, put together my pills for the month instead and played mad scientist for a bit. Then made some hash browns and bacon and then fed all the doggies. Now time to sit and surf for a sec. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1034030
09/28/15 01:38 PM
09/28/15 01:38 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the chuckles and may work go well. Have a lovely day!

Ana have a lovely day!!

Space have a lovely day!

venus have fun at work and singing after! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie good luck with the doc appointment! thanks for the treats and have a lovely day!

Gail have a nice walk with the dog and a lovely day!

Midge may work be fun and you have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smooth and you have a lovely day!

L4l enjoy the rain! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday Mourning [Re: auntiegram] #1034044
09/28/15 04:17 PM
09/28/15 04:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1034048
09/28/15 05:07 PM
09/28/15 05:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Afternoon, Space..how was work?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: looney4labs] #1034054
09/28/15 05:38 PM
09/28/15 05:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
"Afternoon, Space..how was work?"

Lets just say if it was voluntary I would of stayed home today. woozy

Just kidding looney. To be honest the way things are now I just feel blessed to have a job. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #1034068
09/28/15 09:36 PM
09/28/15 09:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Time for me to call it a day. See you tomorrow. Have a good night.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Midge] #1034070
09/28/15 09:42 PM
09/28/15 09:42 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Me too. Good night everyone. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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